Two broken souls (Lams)

eleven

John's POV:
"He has something to do with it."
I pushed those words out, clutching Alex's hand. Alex shifted over to look at me "John you can't just blame a someone for murder." I glared at him "Well sorry I spent every fucking day." My voices started to grow louder "Watching that son of a bitch beat the shit out of my mother. Every. Day. You don't think that nearly dieing everyday would slowly add up." I was starting to get annoyed not sure why but was. I started to rise but Alex pulled me back down. Then something deep deep inside me broke loose like a flood breaking the wall. I ripped out if Alex's arms and shot up. He looked at me "John, baby it's ok." He tried to grab my hand but I ripped it away. The flood reached my brain, without thinking I raised my hand. Then Thwack I smack Alex across the face causing him to fall over, placing his hand over his cheek. I watched feeling satisfied with myself, I wish I wasn't. Then as if hurting him physically wasn't enough for the flood I screamed "Damnit Alex when I say I am fine leave me the fuck alone." I throw my hands up "Don't you understand you little peice shit. I. Fucking. Hate. You." I was now I'm his face. He bit his lip to hold back from crying. Then as if I snapped back to the real world. Guilt flooded over the satisfaction that I wish I never had. I could see tears start falling down his face. I raised my hand from my side to help him up but he just winced and cowards further in the wall. I hurt Alex. The last person here that actually loves me. "Alex I-" I tried speak but even my voice caused him fear. Alex started to scoot over carefully to the end of the bed. "Alex. Pl-" I couldn't seem to finish a sentence without making Alex cower. He scooted back over to the wall "I-im s-s-sorry." He choked out in between sobs. I turn back to Alex and sat down. I feel the bed shift as he moves farther back What the hell John. I lay my head on my knees "I'm a horrible person. Just like him." I mumble as the tears start to fall. Great now we are both scared of me. Alex sits down next to me, still shaken up "Baby?" He placed an arm slowly over my shoulder I could feel how shaken he was. I just shook my head "I'm just like him." I could feel his muscles loosen up as he moved closer to me "John your not." He rubbed small circles on my back "Your an amazing person that got caught in the moment." I look up into his eyes "Alex I hit you. I did exactly as my father would have done." I was now standing, Alex went to try and pull me down but I could tell he was still afraid so he didn't try. I turn to face him as he stands up, pulling me into a hug. I try to pull away but he refuses to let go so I give in. He rests his head on my shoulder "John its going to be ok I promise." He messed with my hair "I understand your pain. Your just mad and blame everyone." I look up at him once more "Alex I. Hit you. I'm a fucking monster." Alex lifted his head "Non mate." He smiled "Your perfect. And I love you." He pressed his lips up to mine. What the fuck is up with him? I mean yes I love him but he's so chill with what I just did. I kiss back. I pull back "Lex." We lean our foreheads together. He hums in response. "You seem way to chill with this whole. You know." He looks up "What do you mean? It happeneds sometimes. I mean sometimes the person gets mad and you are just in the wrong spot. Like me today." He smiles slightly but then stopped when my eyes filled with consern "Alex that's not ok." He looked confused, without thinking once again I ask "Did someone hit you before?" Alex pulled away from me, he took a breath "My ex Boyfriend. But every time was my fault." He looked down at his feet. I reached out and lifted his chin with hand still holding his face "Oh Alex I'm so sorry. Here I am-" placing my hand on my place where I hit him "Doing the same thing to you." He shook his head "No i-" I press my lips to his to stop him from defending me. I step back, placing my hands in his "No more defending me Lex. Ok? And I promise that I'll never lay a finger in your again." He grinned a small grin but still it made me feel a tad bit better. Alex places a hand on my jaw, gazing into my eyes "I fucking love you John. No matter what." I smile pulling him in for another kiss this one only a bit more rough. I pick him up, he wraps his legs my waist. I pull back for air "I love you more." I press my lips back to his.