𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙈𝙚? ; 𝙃𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙚𝙮 𝙌𝙪𝙞𝙣𝙣

♦️ 10 ♦️

"It was good until it wasn't."

Y/n's POV:

A week later.

"Go and get me another beer." My father burped, throwing the empty bud light can at me. I flinched, frowning as the small sip left soaked into my shirt. I pushed myself off the worn lazy boy, shuffling into the kitchen to grab my father another beer.

I grabbed the last bud light from the cardboard box, folding and taking care of the box in the trash before walking back into the living room.

"Here." I mumbled, handing him the can. My father blindly took the can, cracking it open before taking a slow sip.

When I went to turn around, my father grabbed my wrists harshly and I winded, knowing there was going to be a dark bruise later. I watched intently as he grabbed the cigarette from the glass ashtray, putting it between his lips as he lit it.

My father took a few puffs and my skin crawled when I knew what was to come. When there was just enough ash on the tip, the chef slammed it down upon my skin.

My teeth sank in the flesh on the inside of my cheek, metallic coating my tongue. The cigarette hissed against my flesh as small little smoke trails floated up into the air.

When he pulled the cigarette away, I pulled my arm from his grasp and cradled it to my chest.

"Did I say I was done?" The chef growled, blowing out the thick cloud of nicotine.

"N-no." I shook my head, gulping down my emotions.

His tall frame stood up and my body fell to the floor when he backhanded me. My hand flew to my cheek, feeling warm liquid between my fingers and I knew he probably reopened the cut on my cheek.

All of the wind was knocked out of me when his steel toe boot rammed into my stomach, making me wheeze and gasp. I curled in on myself, whimpering when he gripped my hair and pulled me up.

"You're so fucking pathetic. Why don't you just die already!?" He spat, dropping my body to the ground again.

"I'm trying." I mumbled under my breath, thankful he didn't hear me and kick me again.

I shot up in bed, my clothes sticking to my body from the sweat. I pushed myself out of the bed, the bed dipping under my weight.

"Y/n?" Harley mumbled tiredly, sitting up in bed while rubbing the tiredness from her eyes, "come back to bed, sugar."

"I can't." I mumbled dryly.

"just let me hold you until you fall asleep-"

"that's the thing Harley I can't sleep! I can't! And then I end up keeping you up with me and now we're both sleep deprived!" I snapped, rubbing my temples.

"I don't care about me, Princess. I don't care about my sleep schedule." Harley sat up a little more in the bed, the blanket pooling in her lap.

"well I do, and there's no use in both of us having fucked up schedules."

"I'm not gonna leave you awake." The blonde shook her head.

I sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed, "I just need a walk."

"I'm not gonna let you walk around those streets alone in the middle of the night either." Harley frowned.

I gave her a pleading look, "Harley, just go back to sleep please. I worked through this stuff way before you come along. I can do it alone now."

"but you're not alone anymore. You have me and I lo-"

I shook my head, the panic and anxiety rising when I knew what she was about to say, "no, no please don't say it."

Harley softly gripped my cheeks and turned my face towards her, nothing but love and adoration shining in her steel blue eyes, "I love you."

"why? you can't. I mean, you're making things complicated." I huffed.

Harley scrunched her eyebrows downwards, "why do things have to be complicated? What's so complicated about me loving you??"

"cause I had a plan!" My voice rose a few octaves.

"what plan?"

"a plan to slowly lose contact with my loved ones and then slowly as people stopped caring about me I-I'd end it. No guilt, no worries and I'd be free. But then I met you and it changed everything. Now when I think about it, I think about how much it would hurt you. If you love me, it ruins everything."

Harley began tearing up and when she tried to reach for me, I stood up out of her grasp, "y/n."

"why do you care so much about me? why do you take care of me when you and I both know it's pointless. the noise in my mind isn't going to stop. it's going to keep telling me things and screaming at me." My fists began pounding the sides of my head.

"I. Love. You." My girlfriend softly grabbed my hands to stop me from harming myself.

"you can't." I whimpered.

"that's not your choice to make. please come back to bed." Harley begged.

"you don't understand Harles. My thoughts, they scream at me. It's overwhelming. I feel like I'm crazy."

"you're not crazy, okay? Crazy people aren't capable of being loved, but I love you so much." Harley moved my hands to her chest, "it hurts when I see you like this. I'm trying to help you but I need you to let me in."

"so you can get hurt? So you can make your hands bleed while you sift through my broken pieces? I can't live like this anymore Harley." My voice was strained as I tried to make her understand.

"and what about me?" Harley bit out.

"you'll move on, find someone new. you'll be okay."

"I don't think you understand just how much I love and care about you. if you... if you never come back, I don't think I can live like that." Harley whispered.

"that's not fair! you're guilt tripping me into staying alive! god damnit, Harley, stop being selfish!" My eyes started welling up with tears as I stormed out into the living room.

Harley's POV:

The front door slammed and I jumped in my skin, quickly rushing to grab a jacket for me and one for y/n.

My feet clambered down the steps until I was out in the streets of Gotham, frantically looking both ways down the street to see if I could spot y/n. I ran down the sidewalk, pushing into people as I yelled y/n's name.

My legs burned and my feet ached from all the running I was doing, my throat raw and scratchy from yelling so much. I slumped back against a brick wall, chest heaving up and down as I tried to calm myself down. Now was not the time to have a panic attack.

After a moment of crying softly to myself, I decided to go back to the apartment and wait for my girlfriend. My gaze drifted up towards the stars, "I love you, y/n."