𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙈𝙚? ; 𝙃𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙚𝙮 𝙌𝙪𝙞𝙣𝙣

♦️ 13 ♦️

"Therapy sessions with my demons."

Y/n's POV:

"Harley told me that you've been.. ruthless in attempting to kill yourself." Dr. Paige struggled to find the words as I just continued to look at her.

"You've been in contact with her?" I asked, more than a little baffled.

Dr. Paige hummed, "I have. She's really worried about you y/n and so I am."

"She doesn't need to be." I grumbled.

"Because you're fine?" Paige scoffed, "Y/n I don't think you understand what you're doing."

"You don't think I understand?" I repeated back, malice lacing my words, "I tried to drown myself, sink to the bottom of the body of water. When that didn't work I thought maybe I could do it in the bathtub and then when that didn't work I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. But guess what, that didn't fucking work either. You still don't think I understand what I'm doing?"

"I know I'm hurting Harley but it's not intentional. I have no desire to live anymore." I shrugged loosely.

"Not even to have a family with her? Settle down and maybe get married? You have no desire for any of that?" Paige asked.

"Marriage is just something people do to get someone's life insurance when they die. Kids, maybe I would want some, but I wouldn't want them to have depression and anxiety littered throughout their DNA."

"Why do you try and find excuses for everything? Being happy shouldn't be an excuse. I think you would be a great mother, do things with your children your parents never did with you. I know Harley loves you, but there's only so much one person can take. You've attempted your life three different times all in the span of a week? Two?"

"Well you know what they say, you should be sad for the living and not the dead." I smiled sarcastically, "Harley stays because she loves me."

"Do you not love her?"

"I do." I hummed, "I just can't feel it the way she can."

"I don't like hurting her, I don't like seeing her so stressed out over me. I know I should get help, but I don't want help. I've gone through these things before and I've gotten over them."

"Have you..made any attempts before these?" My therapist asked me softly.

I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes, "No. When my father used to beat me and use me as his ashtray, that was one of the ways I self harmed. I did it to myself too. I threw myself into my college classes and overworked myself and that took my mind off of it. I guess when I finally took a moment to breathe, I guess that's just when everything I've been repressing came out."

"Where are you going?" My therapist asked confused, watching as I stood up from the couch.

"I'm going to make things right."

When I left her office I quickly made it onto the street. I decided to make a quick trip to grab Harley one of the egg sandwiches that she loved so much before I went back to the apartment.

Entering the apartment, Harley glanced at me when I opened the door, wrapping her arms tighter around her middle while she zoned back in on the cartoons she was watching.

"Harles?" I called out softly. Harley muted the tv and turned towards me, raising an eyebrow in question.

I walked over towards her, sitting down next to her on the couch and handed her the sandwich, "I'm so sorry for how I've been treating you. I know an apology isn't going to fix things, but it's a start. I'm going to make things better."

Her steel blue eyes welled up with tears as she threw her arms around me and smashed our lips together. I sighed into the kiss, savoring her lips and the way they molded to mine.

"I'm really tired so I'm going to take a nap. When I'm up do you want to watch a movie? I'll even let you kick my ass in Mario Kart." I smiled softly.

Harley grinned, giggling, "I'll kick your ass in Mario Kart regardless. I'm going to go get us some snacks for the movie real quick. Please, please just- I love you."

"I love you too."

The blonde grinned when I said it back, pecking my lips a few times before slipping on her shoes and leaving the apartment. When she was gone, I dragged myself into the bedroom and shut the door, sitting on my side of the bed.

Slowly I slid the drawer open in the nightstand and grabbed the small pistol out of it, checking to see if it was loaded. It was.

Third Person POV:

Y/n looked at the picture of her and Harley framed on the nightstand, one of those Snapchat filters on their faces. The picture was slightly blurry but y/n could remember the time when she was happy. Well, happier than she was now.

Why don't you just die already?!

"I'm trying." Y/n mumbled.

The safety of the gun clicked off and y/n took a deep breath in, her finger cupping the trigger before pulling it back all the way. The blood splattered against the picture as her body fell to the side.

Harley came home exactly five minutes after, falling to her knees as a soul shaking scream came out of her.

Y/n was gone and she took the rest of Harley's sanity with her. Harley found herself in Arkham Asylum after that, swinging from the ropes of her cage and talking to the voices in her head.

Y/n was free and she hoped one day she would be too. Until then, all she could do was fantasize.

Fin.