Animal Instinct

4- Fire and soul

To lose yourself, to lose control,

fall off the fence where is your fire and soul?

I woke up suddenly, more sweated than usual and with the awkward feeling of having had an orgasm while I was sleeping. I rolled over and laid my hand on something wet that turned out to be the top of my pajamas and then I touched a naked body: Miles'.

I started to scream, but he put his hand over my mouth to stop me.

-Shh. Stay calm, now I'll explain. Last night, I entered the wrong room again and you were so beautiful while you were sleeping, with all the hair scattered on the pillow and the thumb in your mouth and I couldn't resist slipping under the sheets with you. I intended to stay only a little, just enough time to smell your scent, but then sleep won and I fell asleep. You move a lot when you sleep, do you know?

I nodded my head, he continued.

-And this morning, when I opened my eyes, you were fully exposed and you had taken off your pajamas, I couldn't resist, I stripped down and I hugged you- his face became red- I think I've caused you an orgasm. You even whispered my name.

I found the way to bite his hand, so he took it away instantly.

-Ya are a damn pervert! Ya took advantage of me while I was sleeping!

-No, it's not true. I enjoyed seeing you in your sleep and thinking about last night, put me in an incredible rut and it is true that I masturbated while watching you, but I swear that I didn't touch your body. The only problem is that I used the top of your pajamas to clean myself... I think you need to wash it, it is certainly, I made a mess... check the headboard... and maybe even your hair needs a shampoo.

I touched the back of my head instinctively, it was fortunately dry, then I called my father with all the breath in my throat, he rushed into my room with the baseball bat in hand, but as soon as he peeked into the room, he stood in the doorway and amazed embarrassed.

-Well? What's this? I thought thieves had entered.

-This beast raped me!

-Don't exaggerate- Miles tried to apologize- I only slept in your bed.

My brother entered the room, yawning and scratching his head.

-What is this noise?

-He raped me!- I said, pointing the finger at Miles, who denied it again.

Johnny looked at us and laughed.

-Oh did ya shagger?

-What? Do ya want to explain what's going on?- inquired my father, annoyed by the rude awakening.

-I bet they finished what they started last night. Ya should have seen Alex! I think if I didn't interrupt them, they would have concluded long ago and with great satisfaction by both parties.

-Have ya seen your brother naked?

-Jeez no! Only a part of his huge arse; he was so concerned in Miles, that if I hadn't screamed, he wouldn't even have noticed my entrance.

-It's not true- I said, wanting to kill my brother who was discrediting me in the eyes of our father and who gave Miles the time to get dressed and to look innocent.

-Alex, honey, I don't think that your mother and I have never complained of nocturnal comings and goings from your room. Ya don't have to invent excuses if you wanted to have fun with Miles- said my father almost with relief.

-It was him who had fun with me!

Meanwhile my mother woke up.

-What's up?

-Alex and Miles slept together- explained my father.

-Naked- added my brother.

Miles looked at my family displeased.

-I got wrong to slip into someone's bed without being invited. Alex, I'm sorry if I disrespected you.

-See, he also apologises, he's really a good fella- my mother said.

Then anger took hold of me, I started to cry and make objects fly.

-Why do ya all justify him? Who is your son? Him or me? I'm going to stay to grandma's place for a while. Call me, when the rapist is gone.

I packed my bag in a deadly silence; I got on the bike and I went to my grandmother's who lived a few blocks away.

She was sitting on the porch, sipping tea apparently, but presumably the cup contained something stronger; she had always been a bit eccentric and alcohol lover.

As soon as she saw me coming out of the driveway, she stood up, adjusting her glasses on her nose, then she exclaimed:

-Alex what happened to ya? Ya look like a Bean Sidhes!

-I'm as pissed off as a midget with a yo-yo! Your daughter and her husband, to please your nephew, put an idiot guitarist in our house and since he came, he's trying to plant his neck guitar into me body.

-And which is this Don Giovanni's name?

-Maniac to be accurate. His name is Miles.

I told her everything: I was so smitten that I didn't even put down, she listened in silence, giving a sip from time to time. Once I finished my story, I noticed that she had a half-smile on her lips, I snorted: I was so angry that I wasn't even sure that I explained things in the right way and that she had understood how the situation was for real. My grandmother looked at me straight in the eyes and laughed.

-Honey, I'm sorry, but I really think ya've inherited me temper, the color of me eyes and with them, the ability to attract the attention of any cute fella.

-Miles isn't nice, he is odious.

She shook her head, set the cup on the coffee table in front of her and asked:

-This guy, Miles, ya like him very much, right?

-What? I hate him!

-Alex, ya can lie to me with words, but not with body language. Ya haven't done anything but putting one foot over the other like every time ya tell a lie. Your eyes shine and the pupils dilate, when ya mention him. Tell me one thing: if Johnny hadn't entered, how would it have ended last night?

If there was someone I could really say everything to, without shame, it was my grandmother, I hesitated a moment, then I admitted:

-We'd have been making it all night long overnight.

-This! Ya are exactly like me, when I was your age! That young fella didn't behave very well coming in your bed without permission, but basically he didn't do anything, but obeying the primordial instinct that leads our actions since ages. That same animal instinct that makes him so damn attractive in your eyes, even though ya do everything to concentrate only on his flaws. And if intuition serves me correctly, I'm sure that he feels something for ya too that goes beyond the simple desire to take ya to bed.

-I'm not in love with him- I said, putting one foot over the other.