ㅡ hanakotoba. 「 sapnap x george, sapnapnotfound 」！finished！

「 06 」

[ a/n ]
ㅡ are you guys listening to my playlist? 😊 if not, use the video i put on the media above hehe.

i did not tell this at the beginning, but since this is a flashback, the normal-lettered paragraphs are the thoughts, and the italicized ones are the narrations.

but it's vice versa if the paragraph's in 3rd person, so the normal ones are narrations, and the thoughts will be italicized.

「 花言葉。」

as i was sitting there, i also reminisced on when george started calling me late last night to ask for help. it was all so sudden, that it surprised me for a bit that i will be travelling for 10 and more hours to george. and maybe i liked it that he relied on me for help.

wait no...

i see. i get it.

george called me because he had no other choice but me. because if he asks for help, it was always dream he goes to. but since dream is the problem here he depended on me instead.

i'm right aren't i...

...i hope i'm not.

it was when i started coughing. i thought it was normal until i felt something, so i looked at my hand to see petals. in shock, i panicked and was about to tell darryl but he was sleeping beside me.

oh. i thought. i calmed down before deciding that i shouldn't bother him with this or i might take another 50 years of his life. i slowly passed through him, trying not to wake him up, until i got to the aisle of the plane, and walked to the bathroom.

i entered the bathroom as a coughed up more petals. i gargled, spat out the water, and washed my mouth. i closed the faucet and stared at the mirror.

dude, you're fucked.

「 花言葉。」

「 even nick was silent all the time, thinking that he himself was confused on what to do. he wanted to stop george's suffering right there right now, so he's determined to convince him to have the surgery. but his determination was halted at the thought that he didn't want to see george one day, completely feeling nothing at all. oh but was he being selfish?

is it bad to be so selfish sometimes? 」

ㅡ hanahaki, chapter 13

it's almost a week and the only thing we see is george coughing up petals here and then. his eyes showed how greatly he suffered, as he tears up almost all the time, everytime he coughs. his coughing was already implanted in our minds, reminding us every day that he'll die soon.

i'm in pain all the time. because of the petals yeah, but more importantly, i don't want to see george like this. i don't fucking want this. i don't want this to happen to him.

if there's a god, george has been a kind person, who puts others first before his own. what did he do to deserve this? what did he do for you to punish him like this?

i just want george's suffering to end...

...but i don't want to lose him either. all of our memories together.

...but it's fine, right? at least he is still alive and that's what matters most to us.

...and we didn't consider what george felt.

but we all want him alive, so letting this friendship go is fine. we just don't want him dead.

i closed the door in the room i was staying in and slid down. i don't know what to choose... my eyes are wide open in shock, realizing that we're in a dead end. i silently cried, not letting go of a single sound. my tears uncontrollably fell down my cheeks as i shake on the floor because of how i can't stop my cries.

no one wanted this. no one wanted this to happen to george. george of all people.

why are we so unlucky? to live in a world like this...