Unpredictable

Chapter 1

*Karma's POV*
I bit my lip as I looked down at the paper. So many words yet none explained how I felt. I didn't know how I felt. In fact I rarely did. I glanced at my phone. I had to see his face. I typed in his user and scrolled through the ones I hadn't seen being extra careful not to like them. He had the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes and gosh his smile was the goofiest thing you've ever seen. I always blushed when I saw his face. There were 2 missed calls and about 6 text messages from him in the past week. But I couldn't answer them. I couldn't bring myself to even speak to him. I was pathetic. I needed to focus. No wonder I'm failing. I looked back at my math homework and read the question out loud to myself : "Describe 3 ways to define slope." I quickly scribbled down "y=mx+b, changes in y over changes in x, and rise over run" and looked to the next question. Great. A word problem. I was focused while reading it at first but about half way through I completely zoned out and began to ponder over the questions now etched in the very corners of my brain. I wondered where he was right now. He had been on tour with his band for about 6 months and I hopefully will be gone when he comes back. I've missed him a lot. And I mean a lot. But I could never tell him that. I didn't deserve someone like him. I didn't deserve Calum Thomas Hood. He was exceptional at everything he did - music, soccer, cracking jokes, making friends. He was pretty much in the spotlight all the time. He didn't want to be. He didn't try to be. But my god, he shined. He was just so kind. He could put a smile on anyone's face. It was almost insane to even think about how perfect he is. He was beautiful in spite of his multiple imperfections while mine just made me a hot mess. I was freakishly tall, about 5'11 with wavy dirty blonde hair that fell down half way down my back, and my olive skin clashed drastically with my bright green eyes. Many people would think I was beautiful from this vague description but trust me I wasn't. I had no shape to my body. At all. Skinny? Lol no I liked hot wings WAY too much. I was average. Just average without boobs or a butt, the obvious advantage of being "average". I had very broad shoulders and a long nose. Basically my body was flat out boyish and to make matters even better I acted extremely boyish as well. I was honest, stubborn, a little mischievous, and always laughing. Almost all my friends were guys, well except Bruns of course. Her real name was Brunswick but I just called her Bruns for short. Yes, her parents literally named her Brunswick. Hannah Brunswick Johns. Bruns basically knew everything about me and accepted everything I did, even me avoiding Calum, which was a huge help considering I don't like to argue or talk about my feelings. I talked to lots of people and had many friends but I really only had a few real ones. I could count them on my hands. Bruns, Alex and James (a gay couple at my school who have basically been my best friends since ever) , and of course the other boys from the band. I had always been closest to Calum but after all this it's really just awkward for me to talk to him anymore. Which really sucks because he always made me super happy all the time. He knew everything about me except what was keeping me away from him of course. Even Bruns doesn't know that. It was tough to adjust to it, not having Calum. But at least the other boys were still in my life. Luke calls me about once or twice a week to try to convince me to come to a show but of course that'd mean I'd have to see Calum so I kindly say no. Ash calls literally everyday to say goodnight which is super sweet and Mikey and I pretty much text 24/7 so I'd say I have some pretty kick ass mates wouldn't you. Cal and I pretty much spent everyday we had free together. Whether it was walking downtown or going on a road trip at midnight Cal was always with me. He was my best friend. Everything was great. Until he kissed me that night. We had gone out to eat like we normally did on Thursdays. Cal didn't like to go out on Fridays bc it was too busy and he didn't like to go out on Saturday bc that was the day we spent with the boys. This Thursday however was anything but ordinary. We had walked from his house to this really good burger place downtown. When we left it was pouring down rain. We were running down the streets and dancing in the alley ways in the rain and oh my gosh I had never felt so free. After a good 2 hours of goofing around we started to walk back to his house and well, he kissed me on that street curb. I had never been happier in my life. I loved Calum, and I really wanted to be with Calum, but I just couldn't be. I'd rather be alone than be left.