Mr Irwin | Ashton Irwin

Eleven

I woke up. I heard someone's heavy breathing, snoring almost. I jolted up, scared of who I'm with.

Ashton's eyes opened suddenly and he said, "Wow sweetie. Shit, you made me jump?"

"I made you jump?" I breathed, fighting for air. Ashton had scared the life out of me. Maybe I shouldn't safe that as I'm in a hospital.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "Come back down. I feel better with you in my arms. I feel like I'm protecting you."

I smiled weakly at him. I rested my head on his chest again. I heard the steady beat of his heart. My heart didn't sound great; the machine producing the waves. I listened to his steady heartbeat again. I whispered, "Ashton?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"I hate this," I whispered. I couldn't hold back the tears as I cried silently. "I hate the way i don't remember most my family, I hate the way i can't remember things like breaking up with Ross, but most of all. . . I hate the fact that I don't remember you; well, us. I want to remember so badly. Believe me, I do. I just can't remember."

"How come you remember Calum and not me?" I could hear the hurt in his voice as he whispered, "Did he mean more to you?"

"By what he told me yesterday, he definitely didn't mean more to me," I whispered, "He talked about how we had sex but that was it."

"You and Calum fucked?" His voice was angry.

I whispered, "Not now Ashton."

"Why not now?" He loudly said.

I leaned up to face him. I yelled, "do you not think that this is enough for me to deal with, huh? I'm trying my best Ashton. I don't need your shit." I lowered my voice to a whisper, "Please don't be mad?"

He shifted from under me, sliding off the bed and standing on the floor. I turned onto my back and said, "Ashton please?"

He shoved his brogues on and grabbed his tie. He said, "I need to cool off. I can't believe you couldn't tell me this."

"There obviously wasn't a good time or I would've ashton," I said. "I can barely remember what my last name is. How am I meant to remember why I had sex with Calum or why I didn't tell you."

"I can't believe you," he said, "After all we've been through-"

"There's no point in saying things about us because I don't remember them," I screamed. I panted furiously as I tried to calm myself down. I whispered, "Please go before I have some sort of panic attack."

"Lauren-"

"Just go ashton," I whispered as the tears trickled down my cheeks. He shouldn't be that annoyed. I don't think we were official so what should it matter?

I just need to cool off and so does he. He opened the door before looking back at me. He shook his head sadly as he looked at the floor. He walked out and closed the door after him.

The second he left, I felt something crumble inside of me. I'm trying my hardest and he's still banging on about things that happened before I was in a coma. I burst out into tears. I hate myself for remembering Calum and not Ashton. I hate myself.