Crying

sixteen

⚠️WARNING⚠️

 In this chapter there are triggering scenes including self harm so if you don't feel comfortable reading this, please skip the chapter. I will explain at the end of the chapter. Skip to my A/N for information on the chapter! Thank you! 

*Daytime Realm*

*Ten's Perspective*

I looked at myself in the mirror. I had huge circles under my eyes and my hair was messy. I hadn't slept a wink since Taeyong was hit by the stupid ass driver. 

I sat down on the bathroom floor and emptied the contents of my backpack I had brought with me. Yangyang had asked me what I was doing but I didn't answer him. I picked up the knife I had stowed in the back pocket and sighed. 

With shaking hands I stood up and glanced in the mirror. I smiled and closed my eyes. I felt the tip of the sharp blade touch the soft skin of my wrist. And then the skin broke.

"Ah!" I stifled a yelp of pain as the blood flowed from the cut on my wrist. Blood spewed all over the sink and onto my shirt. Tears blurred my eyes. "Can't stop..." I hissed through my teeth. 

I cut myself again. Higher up on my arm this time. And deeper. It stung so much. I slumped against the wall and put my head in my bloody hands. 

"Why him? Why not me?" I cursed in between my sobs. "He has done nothing wrong! He's just human like all of us!" I cried, the blood mixing with my salty tears. I felt the tears stream down my face at such rapid speed I wondered if I would loose all the water in my body. 

I sat for a while, slumped against the bathroom wall. I think I fell asleep at one point but I'm not sure. I let the cuts on my arm bleed until I felt dizzy. Finally I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I wrapped the cuts in a towel and exhaled deeply. 

I've never loved someone the same way I love Taeyong. The first time I saw him, I couldn't speak Korean but I knew immediately that I loved him. I remember being in awe when I saw how amazing he looked. I didn't know someone could look so beautiful. So flawless. Even the cute little scar by his eye, looks good. His eyes are two different sizes which I find so adorable. 

When we could finally talk, I realized he wasn't just a sculpture of the gods but one of the most compassionate, honest, and loyal people I've ever known. He's so, so, perfect. I don't know how else to put it. I don't understand how some people could hate him when he tries so hard to protect us and his Nctzens. Why would you hate him? You've got to be pretty toxic and miserable to disrespect someone who only wants to bring good into the world.

My mind spun with all the thoughts trapped inside my head. I loved him, did he love me? No, he loved Jaehyun. And I had made things worse by kissing Yangyang. I made Hendery jealous, Yangyang embarrassed, and Taeyong heartbroken. This is all my fault.

I messed up big time. I screwed everything up. If not for me, Taeyong wouldn't feel so miserable all the time. And now he was practically gone. 

I can't even visit him. I feel sick seeing my love hooked up to so many tubes, his heart rate coming through on the little monitor. He seems so weak. So sick. So broken.

I hissed as I stabbed my arm again. I can't control myself anymore. Everything I do mixes into one large picture that is my fucked up life. Stabbing the hell out of my arm doesn't seem like it would even matter compared to Taeyong getting hurt. 

Finally what seemed like hours later I stirred. I grabbed the sweater out of my backpack and slipped off my tshirt. I used it to clean up all the blood and even some teardrops from the tiled floor. Once I was sure no evidence was left I shoved it with my knife into the backpack. I stood up, shaken from cutting myself so much and went straight to my room.

I sat on my bed and curled up into a ball. I grabbed my phone and clicked onto the news icon on Safari with my keyword of Taeyong. I glanced over all the articles, talking about the accident. They all said the same thing; he and three other pedestrians were victim of a hit and run. 

I sighed and set my phone on my desk. This was going to be a very long, very depressing lifetime if I couldn't have my Taeyong with me. 

I only want Taeyong.

I live for Taeyong.

Please God, have mercy on my love and my heart.

I fell into a deep sleep as I played my identical music box, identical to the one I gave Taeyong for his birthday. The last birthday he would ever have. 

________________________

Hey friend! As always, you look lovely! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! If you didn't read it, as I warned it could be triggered to some, I will write a brief overview below.

So for those of you who didn't want to read the chapter, which I completely understand, here is what happened:

Ten is depressed that Taeyong is in the hospital. He believes he doesn't want to live in a world without his love. He hurts himself and talks about the boy he says he can never be with. He ends up going to sleep while listening to his music box.

So I hope you enjoyed! If you did not, I apologize and hopefully you will continue the story.

Also 600+ views?!!! 🎉🎉🎉 I am so grateful for everyone who had been reading! 😭 this is so amazing and I love you all!

I've decided to call my readers my friends. Thanks friends!

✨MYBLiNKArMY✨