help me(jikook)

one

Jungkooks pov

All of us walk off the stage. We had just had an amazing concert, we we're dancing and laughing with army....
All my hyungs were hugging me and getting me go interact more with them.
But now that's over....so now I'm going back to being alone....

I have been diagnosed with body dismorphia disorder, depression and anxiety for years....I had it before I even joined BIGHIT....I thought maybe being with a band would help me get better....it didn't....well....that's a lie....it does....but I still take anti-depressants and can't smile properly....

All my hyungs try to get me out my room more.....but I can't.... they'll be disappointed if they find out....none of them know i had been diagnosed with these things....and I don't want any of them to find out....I'm already a burden enough to them all....

In front of army I put on a fake smile.....I feel like I'm wearing a mask....so army don't start to worry about me....I know there are posts going around on social media about how I look sad sometimes....and when in an Interview I get asked if I'm okay.....I lie and force a smile and say I'm fine...

The fans don't need to worry about me...as long as there all happy then it doesn't matter about me....I'm their idol....I should be happy....

I gasp when jimin-hyung puts his hand on my shoulder "hey jungkookie! Wanna watch a movie with me and Tae tonight?" I push his hand off me and shake my head "uh....I'm really tired hyung.....sorry" I walk to the stylists who help me take my mic and make-up off.

I then change into some sweatpants and a black hoodie.
Namjoon-hyung walks to me "hey kook....you alright?" I nod "I'm fine....thanks hyung....you did Amazing tonight" I walk past him.

We all walk out the stadium and get Into cars. Im in a car with jimin and taehyung, taehyung looks at me "jungkook are you okay?" I nod and force a smile "of course I am....I'm just tired today....I was up all night playing video games" taehyung chuckles "I see....well get some rest tonight alright?"

I nod and then look out the window.....I wish I could sleep and rest tonight....but my insomnia tells me to get that idea out my head....
I have a lot wrong with me as you can tell....
But I don't want to bother any of my hyungs about it all......

I adore my hyungs and fans.....but sometimes I just sit and think.....I don't deserve this life....I don't deserve the people I have in my life....the love and support I get....I don't deserve any of it....

But I have to hide all my thoughts....and that's for the best.....

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Jimins pov

I look at Jungkook who was staring out the window and sigh..... something isn't right with him.....he's so distant....but when we're on stage he allows us all to hug him and dance with him.....

But as soon as no fans or cameras are around he pushes us away and always looks so sad..... we're all worried about him....but when we ask if he's okay....he suddenly looks like he is Happy and says he's fine.....

Namjoon-hyung said we should leave it....if jungkook needs something he'll come to us and ask.....but in all honesty....I don't think that's true....we all know how stubborn jungkook can be....and I have a feeling that....that he needs help....

I don't know WHY he would need help....but don't you ever just....see someone sad and suddenly you feel like you have the job to stay there and help them??

I just don't want him to be sad....he deserves to be happy..... actually happy......but I have no idea how I can help him....he won't let any of us near him....he has so many walls up and keeps us all away.....
None of us really know much about Jungkook.......
And it worries me...............