help me(jikook)

fourteen

🛑🛑🛑trigger warning 🛑🛑🛑

Jins pov

I walk to Jungkooks room to give him some food when I stop hearing him whispering something. I put my ear to the door and listen to what he's saying "I'm going to draw a picture.....a picture with a twist....I'm going to draw it with a razor....and I'm going to draw it on my wrist" my eyes widen and I bang on the door "kookie! I've got some food for you! Open up!"

I hear him gasp and then shuffling around in the room. He then opens the door. I smile pretending I didn't hear anything "here's your food and....can we talk?....I have something I want to talk to you about" he nods "sure...come in" he lets me into the room.

I put his food on his desk and sit on his bed. He closes the door and sits on his desk chair looking at me "so...what's up?"

I sigh "I'm....upset" he gasps "why? Are you okay?" I nod "yeah....it's just.... someone I know has hurt themselves and it upsets me that they won't come to me so I can help" he moves to sit next to me and puts his hand ontop of mine "some people just need time....I know it's hard hyung for you to just sit there while they hurt themselves.....but just be there to support them...that's all they want....and all we can do is hope that next time....they call you instead of picking up a blade"

I tear up a little "I thought you stopped cutting jungkook...." His eyes widen "w-what?" I look at him "I Hurd what you said....please jungkook....stop hurting yourself" he stands up "I can't!! I've fucking tried hyung! I've tried everything!....but it doesn't work... nothing does....and nobody can help me!....."

He looks down "it's like....I'm bent buy not broken......I'm scarred but not disfigured.....I am sad but not hopeless....I am tired but not lifeless...I am afraid but not powerless.....I am angry but not bitter.....and I'm depressed....but not giving up....look hyung....I cut because it's a relief....it makes me go numb and it calms the screaming in my mind...."

I look down "I just wish I could help.....why didn't you tell me jungkook?" He starts to cry "because I can hurt myself..... but i cant hurt you....." He sits next to me again and I look at him. He cries more "I don't want to die...I just simply don't want to exist....but sometimes I think that's worse.... because I'm stuck here, being miserable....but I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it....I bring the band down with all of this hyung.....I ruin the image of BTS..."

I shake my head "no! You're wrong jungkook! You make the image better....you show that we are humans too...we have struggles and sometimes it just gets too much and we break....don't put yourself down like that jungkook....don't think like this! Please....I don't want you to be like this"

He nods "I don't want to be like this either....but there's nothing I can do...."

"JIN-HYUNG!!!"

I look at Jungkook who smiles "they need you.... we'll talk again soon...." I sigh and kiss his head "it will get better one day Kookie" he nods and then I sigh and walk out the room.
I managed to sneak his blade from under his mattress so he hasn't got that anymore.

I wish there was something I could do to help..........

Jungkooks pov

I go to shut the door but jimin stops me "jungkook...." I look at him "hello jimin...." He sighs "I Hurd your conversation....." I nod "good for you..."  He looks at me "jungkook I know-" I cut him off and shake my head "no jimin....none of you know....and none of you will ever know......all of you know my name not my story....you see my smile, not my pain....you notice my cuts not my scars and you can read my lips not my mind....and you can't say you understand because how can you understand me when I can't even understand myself?"

His eyes widen "jungkook-",
More tears roll down my cheeks "they say happiness will find you, but I think sadness finds you too....right jimin?" He looks at me confused. I  look down "it sneaks up on you in darkness...just when you think you've made it through, it op me holes in what was solid ground, the kind you never know are there.... until you go to take another step...and find you're standing over air,the world around passes by, in blurs of colour and sound, nothing around makes sense...we you continue your plummet down...you cant remember how it started and you don't know when it will end..."

Jimin tilts his head "w-what?" I look at him "but you do know that you'd give anything to stand up on your feet again...." More tears fall "sadness is that feeling, and hen the falling doesn't stop...and it saps your meaning of life and all the good things that youve got....so when you finally got rock bottom, and you look back up at the sky, what you once had, seems so far away and the only thing left to do is cry"

He sighs "I don't understand" I take a deep breath and sigh "people yell out 'save yourself',....calling things about 'happiness' and 'hope'.....but they're too busy with their lives to realise that it would be a lot quicker if they let down a rope"

Jimin stares at me confused. I bite my lip and more tears fall "just think about what I've said jimin....have a nice evening" I close the door when he was about to say something...

Jimins pov

"they say happiness will find you,
but I think sadness finds you too
.it sneaks up on you in darkness...
just when you think you've made it through,
it opens holes in what was solid ground, the kind you never know are there....

until you go to take another step...
and find you're standing over air,
the world around passes by,
in blurs of colour and sound,
nothing around makes sense..
when you continue your plummet down..
you cant remember how it started
and you don't know when it will end...

but you do know that you'd give anything to stand up on your feet again.
..sadness is that feeling,
and then the falling doesn't stop...
and it saps your meaning of life
and all the good things that youve got....
so when you finally got rock bottom
and you look back up at the sky,

what you once had, seems so far away
the only thing left to do is cry,
people yell out 'save yourself',....
calling things about 'happiness' and 'hope'....

but they're too busy with their lives to realise
that it would be a lot quicker if they let down a rope"

What jungkook had said replays in my mind over and over.....what does jungkook mean?????? Am I just stupid which is why I don't understand