Our Music

chapter 10

He recovered. Of course he did, things like these weren't new to Akaashi. But he knew that he would never really get any better. He wouldn't be able to improve. Not with that boulder in his path.

And so, he had to move it.

He had made sure he was early. Really early. The group was going to have a Christmas party at Bokuto's apartment but decided to group up at the concert hall and set off from there due to everybody taking different classes. Akaashi walked through the doors almost an hour early, setting his bag down and pulling off his coat, and the thick scarf from his neck. He stepped onto the stage; it was oddly void without its musicians or the instruments and chairs that usually filled the space. He hadn't been to orchestra in about two weeks, he couldn't bring himself to focus enough, and the guilt weighed on his chest. But he shook it off; he was here to fix things.

Akaashi knelt down and unzipped his violin case.

He hesitated for a second before opening it, but went ahead, not wanting to stop in his tracks. He carefully lifted the bow from the case and his fingers curled naturally and delicately around the end. But his eyes lingered on the violin itself.

It was an expensive model, made with a glossy, dark wood that almost looked black until you held it to the light. It really was gorgeous. But it looked ugly in Akaashi's eyes.

He carefully and slowly lifted it, hands shaking a bit as he raised it to his chin, rested it on his shoulder and let his thin fingers relax. Didn't bother to test it, he didn't want to. He had made Rintaro tune it for him before he left.

"Don't you want to use mine, Keji?" Rintaro had asked softly, taking the case from his hands. Akaashi desperately did, nothing would have been more bearable, but he shook his head.

"No, thanks though. I need to use this one."

Akaashi let out a slow breath, calming himself as he looked down the strings. The hall would be completely silent if he couldn't head his heart beating loudly in his ears. Every inch of his body hated this violin, but he knew that he couldn't allow himself to stop now. He had come so far.

Akaashi let out a shuddering sigh before dragging the bow across the strings.

It broke the silence dramatically, shattering it into tiny pieces as Akaashi played. He wasn't entirely sure what he was playing, but he felt like he had played it a million times, so it was just muscle memory. The music flooded the air, sharp notes and his gliding bow leading the ears of imaginary listeners. If Akaashi closed his eyes he wouldn't have to see the empty audience that his mind was starting to fill with fake people from an unkind memory; so that was a comfort. He could play with his eyes closed.

As the song continued Akaashi fell into the rhythm, succumbed to his melody. He didn't enjoy the violin, but his heart hurt as he heard how beautiful it had been. And how broken it sounded now.

The volume crashed around his ears to drown out his heartbeat as he played the final few lines, gently pulling the bow across the strings for the finishing note. And Akaashi sighed, lifting the violin from his chin. That was excellent, that was progress, that should have been the boulder in his road.

And yet somehow, the stone still blocked his heart, and he knew very deep down inside, that it hadn't been what he was looking for.

Akaashi searched the empty seats for his parents, or maybe the slightest flicker of approval. Fruitless.

He sighed through his nose, but expected nothing less. He wanted to close his eyes again, but they only widened as they caught on something.

Akaashi's bow clattered to the ground as Bokuto dropped his bags.

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Bokuto stared up at him on the stage, trying to shake himself out of the daze the violin had put him in. Akaashi looked terrified; his hands shook but he clenched his fist to keep the violin from falling to the floor.

Bokuto walked up onto the stage to him until he was standing right in front of Akaashi. He tried to search those dark blue eyes.

"Kaashi," he breathed at last. "I know you don't like the violin, but that was the best I've ever heard." Akaashi said nothing, just stared up at him with wide eyes. Bokuto smiled softly. "I'm sure that everyone would be really proud."

Bokuto gasped quietly as Akaashi pressed his lips together tightly, and tears rolled over his face. He carefully brought up a hand and rubbed a thumb lightly over Akaashi's soft skin.
"K-Kaashi! Don't cry!" He whispered, not wanting to crack the comforting silence. "I really loved it!"

We wiped the tears flooding over Akaashi's cheeks and to Bokuto's surprise he closed his eyes as his lip trembled, leaning into Bokuto's hand.

Bokuto's heartstrings wrenched and he bit his own lip tightly. Slowly and carefully, he stepped forwards and reached out, pulling Akaashi in and hugging him. Akaashi's shoulders shook and he pressed his face into Bokuto's shoulder. He prayed that Akaashi wouldn't notice how hard his heart was beating as he held him tightly.

After a few minutes Bokuto felt Akaashi relax in his arms, and a thin hand curl in the back of his t-shirt. He was quiet, but Bokuto heard him as if his mumble was a shout.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san."

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The group of first years came it a minute later, and Akaashi and Bokuto looked up in surprise from where they had been sitting in the theatre chairs. Yamagucci smiled nervously and Bokuto smirked.

"Hey hey, you guys!! What's going on, Yacchan? You all look like you're trying to hide something." Yaachi and Tadashi averted their eyes and Tsukishima shrugged but Hinata looked ready to explode. After a few seconds of Bokuto staring at him he broke.

"Ahh!!! Akaashi-senpai, you're so good at violin!!! That was you, right? It was amazi-" Kageyama managed to clamp a hand over Hinata's mouth before he said anything else. Akaashi felt incredibly embarrassed, but to everyone else he just looked mildly disappointed. Tsukishima clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, Akaashi-senpai. When we heard you playing I assumed it was private so we didn't come in, but I'm afraid this shrimp has no common sense." Hinata went red as Yamagucci giggled.

"Sh-shut up Tsukishima! I'm really sorry Akaashi-senpai, I just wanted to tell you it was good!"

Akaashi just nodded, smiling softly.

"Its fine, thank you Shouyo-kun. And thank you for trying Tsukishima-kun." Tsukishima made a 'tch' sound and shrugged.

The others showed up after, as well as a few people who were apparently old friends, but who Akaashi hadn't met before. A timid man with his long brown hair tied back, and a gorgeous woman in a navy skirt to match her soft hair arrived with Daichi. When they were all here, they walked back along the streets to Bokuto's apartment.