Sade's Return

VII

  Today I have an appointment with Michelle, my therapist. It's perfect timing. I need this. I felt like shit when I went to bed and I woke up feeling the same way. I need someone to help me refocus because I can't do it. I feel like I've lost my way somehow in an attempt to achieve my goal. Just being myself is not as simple as it sounds. There are a lot of distractions. My appointment will be at 9 am so I have to hurry and get ready.

I get dressed wearing a black skirt, red crop top, my fishnets, and ear hangers and I put my hair up. I put on my combat boots and throw my backpack on. I grab orange juice, put some takis in my backpack, and get water. After doing that I almost forget my meds. So I take them. Look at my cell for the time, I'm still good and should be on my merry way. The office is only a block away so it's good if I walk. I walk out of my building and see Y on his bike with his friends just hanging around him. We just nod at each other. 'Sigh'. He needs to go to school and stop dealing. But who am I to say anything? I buy Xanax from him when I'm out.

Paying no mind to anything. Which I should be doing. I feel someone tap my shoulder. Again with the touching without permission. I look and it's Ronny. "You ready for our date on Saturday?" He asks. Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

"Yes, I am, and at what time?

He looks surprised. Not sure why. He says "At noon and dress just like you are now."

"Okay sounds good. I'll see you on Saturday at noon."

"Do you need a ride?" He asks

"No, thanks I can do with a walk and it's only a block or two away. You don't have to tell me what to wear!" I shout as I keep walking.

He replies with a nod and turns to walk away. Well, that talk was quick and straight to the point.

  I get to the clinic and walk up to the receptionist that looks about the age of 80. She never remembers my name. Sade Rose Gals, I repeat two times. She says "Oh here you are! You've been with us before. No, need for your information and you can take a seat." My jaw is practically hitting the floor, I gather myself and walk over to the old couch to wait. My brain is blank and I never had a lobotomy done.

As I'm waiting I take a look around me, there are old toys, broken crayons, and paper on the floor to the side of a little table and chair. New and old magazines are piled up on a chair. The walls are dirty. 'So what do you expect from a place that the government practically ignores?' I think to myself. All of a sudden the door opens pulling me from my thoughts and it's my therapist Michelle. He's tall, with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Hello Sade, you know the drill." She says while moving her head to point the way.

I get up and smile. I walk to his office take off my boots, jump on his couch grab a pillow to get comfy. She laughs.

"You have no manners." Pointing her finger at me.

I frown. "You always tell me to get comfortable."

"Yes, I do don't I?" She says

I laugh. Sitting in his chair and looking at me seriously. "Sade, what's wrong?"

"Who says something has to be wrong when I show up for therapy?"

"That's true and I like it when you show up and everything is okay, but I can tell something is wrong today." He says.

"How can you tell? Never mind don't say it. I don't understand your complicated doctor jargon."

"I'm not a doctor, Sade. You know the difference between a therapist and a psychiatrist." She leans back on her chair as she replies.

"Okay, Okay." I wave my hand.

She sighs. "Sade tell me how did the exhibition go?"

I explain everything from the exhibition to Jack being a dick. I just pour my heart out and I start to cry.

  Michelle hands me a tissue. "I know it's hard and it's okay to cry. It seems as if you've been through some traumatic events. But I'm proud you didn't resort to hurting yourself."

  I nod my head and wipe my nose. It's enough that he's acknowledging my emotions and not judging me. He leans back in his seat and asks me what I'm planning to do with Ronny.

  "I'm going on the date and that's all. No more."

  "You know that there's no obligation to go on a date with him? No one can make you do anything you don't want to do." He says.

  "I know. I want it out from the back of my head."

  She crosses her arms. "You know I'm here anytime and you can call me if you're having a tough time with anything." She says in a calm and assuring voice.

I fiddle with the silly putty in my hands. "I gotcha".

"Is there anything you want to talk about that we might've missed?" She asks while leaning back on her chair.

"Well, there is one thing."

"Hmm?" She gives me a questionable look.

" Yeah, you need a new receptionist. She can't remember my name or even that I was here before. I've been coming here for years."

She laughs. "Aww leave Karen alone. She's good as the day goes on." I laugh.

"Okay let's schedule some more appointments." Tell Karen to schedule for two weeks ahead." She says.

"Alright, then I'll see you in two weeks!" I put my boots back on and leave her office.

I go to schedule my appointments. I tell Karen goodbye. As I'm leaving the thought of stopping by the Art Factory pops up. I look at my cell and see it's only 10 am. It looks like that's my next stop.

•7•