Delirium (Phan AU/Currently Rewriting)

Chapter 18

Trigger warning: Short scene involving alcohol, one small suicidal thought. Please don't read this if it triggers you and be safe <3

Dan's POV
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Rain falls mournfully as I walk to my house. I fumble with my keys, hurriedly unlocking the front door. When I step inside I am met with the overwhelming scent of alcohol.

Running to the basement I find my Father passed out and surrounded by dozens of empty bottles. I take one in my hand, swishing the amber liquid back and forth. With one quick move the contents pass my lips. It burns my throat but I swallow it all. Setting the bottle back down, I quietly move back to the livingroom.

I let myself fall onto the couch and become engulfed in the cushions. My head hurts but my heart is the one that's really taking the toll. My blood may be intoxicated but my mind is clear as ever.

Dan you bloody fool. You broke his fragile heart.

I don't know what to feel anymore. My heart battles my brain. I can't choose between logic and love.

I groan as I shove my head into a pillow. Frustration builds up in me and I clench my fist, punching the pillow as hard as I can. I can't love him but I can't let him go and that's the thing that bothers me most.

The tears come slow, then quickly turn into violent sobs of frustration and confusion. I don't know anything anymore. What is love? Where am I? Who am I? What is the point?

"Please God kill me." I hiccup, wrapping my arms around my waist and sinking into the cushions.

Phil is doing something to me that no one has ever done before. His every word has poisoned me. His every touch is now part of me. I can't get the smell of him out of my hair. I can't get the warmth of his body against mine to leave.

Phil Lester has become my obsession.

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Hours pass slowly. The rain still taps on the glass, asking for entrance into this desolate home.

I gave up the screaming and crying long ago. I can still feel the dried tears on my warm face. I can still hear a voice telling me to go to him.

Go to his bright smile. Go to his gentle arms. This isn't home. Being with him is the the only time you have truly felt at home.

But it's so wrong.

But how can something this wrong feel so right?

*BANG*

I yip, pulling myself from my train of thought. Someones at the door. Another loud slam comes from the front of my house. I curse under my breath, praying they would just go away.

The person doesn't give up, wrapping at the door with ferocity to be heard over the rain.

Groaning, I roll from my sullen couch crease. I drape my fleece blanket over my shoulder and answer the door.

I don't know who I expected, but I sure as hell didn't expect him.

There stood a rain soaked Phil, panting fast and hard. He's so different from how I left him. His eyes are sunken in, deep purple bags against his fine pale skin. I can't help but stare at his torso, muscles now defined by the wet shirt pressed against his skin. His face is a mixture of pure hate and something like... Lust? Sadness? I can't really tell with his sopping fringe hiding parts of his eyes.

He steps up and looks me straight in the eyes.

"You've fucking ruined my Dan Howell." He says with force, getting gradually closer to me.

Next thing I know, his hands cup my face like it was a precious gift. And with that he presses his lips hungrily to mine, mixing cold rain with warm tears.

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Sorry that was a very abrupt ending

1.I love you guys so much omfg you are all so nice :) thanks to everyone for the support, you are my motivation to write

2.Sorry my updates are really slow but I am trying to get them done pretty quickly without making them shit :/
(I'm literally drafting all of this off the top of my head on my phone now oops please don't kill me 😬)

Anyway, you can comment for suggestions or vote if you feel the need to :)

Hope you have a great day/night!

Bye <3