Delirium (Phan AU/Currently Rewriting)

Chapter 22

A/N: Thanks to everyone who commented on my authors note. Y'all makes me so happy you have no idea <3 This chapter is mostly going to be Dan and his thoughts. Hope you like it :)
Dan's POV
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The sweet pitter-patter of rain drops on the window calms the tense feeling in my stomach. I trek up the stair into my dimly lit room. I wrap the covers to engulf my body with warmth. I watch from my window as the trees slowly rustle with the wind.

After the whole ordeal, Phil decided to tread on home. He was hesitant, but I reminded him that he needed to be home before him parents could question him.

"Please stay safe..." He whispered with a far-off look.

"I am going to be fine Phil," I said with a twinge of uncertainty, "I'll see you tomorrow."

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I wonder if it will be different tomorrow. I mean, I think Phil and I are... Together now? I mean once you profess your love to someone on your couch you should at least be something, right?

I think this makes us boyfriends now. God I don't know the first thing about being a boyfriend. Am I supposed to hold his hand? Should I hug him? Tell him that I love him when we're together?

But what does this make me? Does this mean that I'm gay? After all these months of choking on my own thoughts, did it really just come down to a small exchange of intimacy? Were all my days of sadness and worry diminished by a single kiss?

Then the real, deeper questions are what really pose a threat.

Does this make me... Sick? Is being gay so bad?

If loving someone who claims to love me back is such a sin, then why does it make me feel so jubilant? Why does it make me feel so alive?

So while having a self revelation in my bedroom, wrapped in a burrito of blankets, I thought of what it meant to be happy by others standards... and what it meant to be happy by mine.

I think I'd like to finally take my life into my own hands.

I think it's time to feel happy again.