your shallow breathing\\anderperry

chapter one!

the cold night was interspersed with soft noises, ingressing trough the open window into the bedroom. he could hear the mufffled voices coming from the room next door, together with the wind blewing through the trees outside and an owl howling with desperate noises.

the rustling leafes and the chilly wind made it only worse for todd to fall asleep.

his body was wrapped in his blanket and he tried to ignore the sounds, but todd was too cold to fall asleep. how could he rest peacefully if being only a shivering mess between his thin woollen sheets. todd stared through the window. there was no star visible in the dark night sky. in fact there was nothing to see at all, the darkness covered everything like a blanket, a blanket that would still leave you freezing under it. todd closed his eyes for a second.

"truth is like a blanket!", he whispered to nobody, but himself. then he snorted. truth is like a blanket, what kind of nonsense was that! todd rubbed his tired eyes. he wasn't a poet, he was just a desperate person! and he should really sleep now. which was kind of impossible to him. his gaze wandered across the room, the desk, the door, his watch showing seven past two a.m. and neil's bed.

neil.

todd wanted to look away from the sleeping boy, but he couldn't. neil captured todd's whole attention and his mind with an inexplicable power, neil would never even understand. and he wouldn't feel the same about him, todd. he would never feel this unresistable attraction todd felt whenever he looked at neil, he would never feel his heart burning due to a single thought of him, neil would never feel the greatest happiness in his soul when todd would laugh the way todd did when he saw neil's joyful eyes and his broad smile on his pretty face. neil would never.

it was okay, todd couldn't blame him.

todd stared at the back of neil's head which was the only thing todd was able to see of him. he heard neil's peaceful breathing and wished neil would breathe for him. it was a stupid thought, but todd liked the way it sounded.

"i'm breathing for you, neil!"

todd smiled towards the other boy knowing he would never hear this words when he was awake.

todd couldn't tell him.

the words became bitter on his tongue and he tried to think of somthing else. breathing for someone seemed to be a ridiculously serious statement. especially because he didn't even know what it was supposed to mean. breathing for him. maybe neil wasn't even the one he should be breathing for. the world was full of people and how could todd be so sure about neil.

neil.

although he only met him a few months ago, todd felt a special bond between them. but he knew neil would never feel something for him.
todd  knew it and he could not blame him for that.

it was okay.

todd felt his eyes becoming heavier with every minute of thinking. slowly, he turned his face to the wall, willing his gaze away from neil. todd wouldn't be able to sleep as long as he was staring at the other boy.

the room was now filled with the ice cold air, which had come in through the window and filled with todd's desperate thoughts, which had escaped his heart and mind.
todd closed his eyes with pressure, forcing himself to sleep. but the cold was shaking his body, waking every tired inch of him. finally, todd stood up, tiptoeing to the window, his bare feet touching the chill wooden ground. reaching the window he looked at neil again, now able to see a part of his face, peaceful, resting, pure. todd sighed. he felt himself falling. not out of the window, only inside. todd's heart was falling right into neil perry's hands and there was no way he could stop it. if he wanted to do anything against it at all. todd felt himself getting lost in thoughts again.

he reached the window handles and closed it. todd winced at the loud bang he had caused by accident.

"todd?" neil's sleepy voice made todd turn around. "what was that noise?"

todd blushed. hopefully it was to dark for neil to see his bright pink cheeks. his voice came out all flustered and shivery.

neil!

"s-sorry, neil, i was just closing the window. i did n-not mean to wake you up!"

neil chuckled softly. "it's all fine, todd. there's no need to be worried!"

and todd grinned nervously towards neil. he felt so stupid right now. he stuttered like a little child and he couldn't get rid of it.

"good night, todd!"

todd went back into bed and covered himself with his sheets. suddenly he felt nothing but warm.

"good night, neil!", he whispered, so quietly that neil didn't get to hear it from where he was lying. or was he already asleep again?

todd was able to hear his heart besting inside of his chest.it was so loud, todd was sure neil could hear it, too.
oh, how todd wished neil would catch his falling heart and keep it into his warm hands.
but still, he was scared of his heart crashing into pieces on the cold floor.

892 words.