Evergreen

Chapter 14

It is never too late to be what you might have been – George Eliot

*

They say that you shouldn't let the sun set on your anger. Unfortunately, Everett had been too furious to follow that advice, so now his fury had been consolidated with greater strength. If only there could be some way to let it out of him, to be free of this all-consuming feeling that didn't do him any good. He'd never be allowed to take it out on his parents by shouting or arguing; that was pretty much forbidden, and it would hurt their feelings too much. Equally, he couldn't resort to physical violence, for that was even worse. So he did the only thing he could do: slam doors.

The first door he slammed nearly came off its hinges.

"Everett! Don't slam the door!" reprimanded Mum, which only aggravated him even more, so he walked away from her before he could do anything he'd regret. He sat on a deckchair in the garden to calm down, only to be interrupted by Dad.

"You need to have your breakfast, son! C'mon!"

Great. Now he couldn't let off steam; it was full steam ahead on school mornings. Begrudgingly, he made his way through his shreddies (which were soggy and disgusting), combed his hair (which he couldn't quite get right no matter what he tried) and took the walk to school (and it was freezing cold). With a sigh, he found that he'd forgotten his headphones and was tempted to go back home to retrieve them (for the sake of his sanity), but he was going to be late as it was. Plus, he had an excruciating headache. He just had to swallow down his anger. Like always. Pretend that he was fine. Like always. Just that, inside, he wanted to smash all the plates in the world into pieces.

No! He couldn't go on thinking like this; it would perpetuate his rage. Half-heartedly, he mulled over his blessings in life but was already convinced that he wouldn't be able to ignore his resentful thoughts today. He seemed to be fighting a losing battle. Why did it matter, anyway, that he needed to be cool? He tried to recall his fight with Freddy in year 9, which normally filled him with remorse, only to find that it gave him a grim satisfaction. What had happened that day? All those little insults had culminated in an explosion.

Explode. That seemed like such a cathartic word.

*

Perhaps Jade could sense what was going on with Everett, for she studied him more intently than usual.

"What?" snapped Everett, after Jade had observed him like he was an artefact in a museum.

"Nothing," she murmured, averting her gaze.

They stepped into the English classroom with trepidation - Jade, because of Everett's mood; Everett, because of Freddy's presence. Miss Leverett had a huge smile on her face. Straight white papers lay on each desk. That could mean only one thing - a test. Wait. They'd only had mock exams, like, a fortnight ago. What could possibly justify another test so soon? GCSEs were relentless.

"Today, you will be doing an exam-style question. In silence, please."

Everyone sat down in silence. Everett hated silence. He wanted noise to drown out the enraged voices in his head that only seemed to be getting louder and more overwhelming. Reluctantly, he started to write. What he was writing was probably a load of rubbish, but at least it was something.

Then Miss Leverett left the room, much to Everett's displeasure. Freddy was smiling broadly. Evidently, he'd picked up on Ev's lack of composure. Taking full advantage of the silence, he announced:

"Everett goes to the synagogue on Saturdays to study the fairies in the Bible."

His cronies laughed perniciously. Everett glared at them in fury, and carried on writing, gritting his teeth a little more. Freddy had no idea how much he disliked going to the synagogue, how his parents gently forced him to go every Saturday even though he had no friends there and it all felt like another burden to add to his list of woes.