Secrets

Chapter 17

Unfortunately, we had team bonding after dinner, so all of us had to fit in Pinoe and Alyssa's room. As I sit down, Ash is still trying to crack jokes about the conversation and make me feel uncomfortable. I quickly shoot back, "All I'm saying before we drop this entire conversation forever is the one take away everyone should hear is..." I see I've caught the attention of some of the older girls from earlier, "everyone needs to try choking, it's a solid kink everyone should experiment with sexually." I quickly duck under Alex's hand about to hit my head, as everyone starts laughing. "You're going to have to be faster than that, I've been dodging chanclas and wooden spoons since age 5," I say with a smirk, earning a laugh from a couple of people and a glare from Alex. Like all the other nights everyone settles in and the game for the night is chosen. We once again go with Kelley's favorite, truth or dare, much to her excitement.

Immediately once the game gets to Kelley, she gets a smirk on her face and I know what's coming, "Truth or dare, Ryn?"

I roll my eyes, knowing she's gonna be a child about our earlier conversation, "Dare."

"I dare you to tell us your body count," Kelley says with a smirk.

I roll my eyes, "I know the only reason you're asking this question is to make me embarrassed, but I have no shame."

"Ok, please don't answer, we don't need to know," Alex cuts in. "I'm making a new rule, nothing inappropriate targeting Ryn."

I roll my eyes at Alex's babying me, "You do realize I'm almost an adult."

"Yes, keyword there is 'almost'," Ash says with a smirk ruffling up my hair, "and even when you turn 18 you'll still be the baby of the team, so get used to it."

I roll my eyes, "So what am I doing."

"Well, I guess I have to think of another one," Kelley says shooting Alex a glare. A smirk quickly replaces it, as Kelley turns back to look at me, "I got it. I dare you to strip."

"Kelley! She's 17!" Alex yells, causing me to laugh. I know it's also because she knows how insecure I am about my scars.

"Ok, ok, just her shirt," Kelley says, "Nothing too bad."

I see Alex go to object, but I quickly say, "You got it." I pull off Lindsey's sweatshirt she had given me, and this reveals the scars on my stomach instantly earning a verbal reaction from some of the girls. I can almost feel the two major scars on my stomach burning holes in me from all their stares. I then decide I should explain, "There's a reason I never wear crop tops and the scars are why. I was um...I hate using this word, but it's better to say it or whatever...but I was physically abused by some of my foster parents growing up." I can see the pity start to appear on some of their faces, as the Orlando girls and Reign look proud that I'm finally admitting it. I quickly say, 

"Please don't look at me like someone killed my puppy, it's something I'm dealing with and—no offense—I don't want your pity, it doesn't help." I see some of the girls look away unable to wipe it off their faces, but I understand, I wouldn't know how to react either. To lighten the mood, I joke, "Plus, nothing makes a person funnier than a little added childhood trauma. It's kind of the reason if this whole soccer thing doesn't work out, I could always go into the stand-up business."

Sonnett understanding how uncomfortable I am and laughs along before joking, "Well, they make you look badass, I mean—" Sonnett lets a whistle, "your abs and the scars make you look like your straight out of one of those adventure movies."

Mal quickly buts in, "Ok but seriously, how do have such defined abs?! That's not fair."

"Seriously though," Lindsey adds, as she traces my abs with her finger jokingly.I roll my eyes laughing, quickly swatting Lindsey's hand away, "I'll send you the workout I do on the off days."

"You know, actually, I'll just take the day off," Mal jokes, causing a couple of the older players to at least break a smile.

I'm a very independent person and like to deal with my problems on my own. I've had time to deal with this, and I can't just expect all my teammates to just get over this. I'm just glad some of the young ones break the ice with their jokes, as most of the older players were a little slower to join in.

After revealing my scars to everyone, I could feel the difference in the atmosphere of the room. Thankfully I could feel it slowly returning close to what it was before, but I don't miss the sorry filled looks I get from Carli or Becky throughout the rest of the game. Christen was quick to tell me after in the hallway, that she and Tobin are always there to talk if I ever need anything.

Once Alex and I arrived back in the hotel room, I quickly flop down on the bed. "Someone's tired," Alex jokes with a small laugh.

I give out a grunt, as I lift my head from my pillow, "Just exhausted, especially after seeing everyone's faces after I told them." I let my head drop down to the pillow feeling completely exhausted letting my eyes close.

I feel the bed dip beside me before I open my eyes to meet Alex's gaze. "Everyone just cares about you, and to learn that someone you love was hurt is...just a lot," Alex says, as she tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I shift on the bed, so I can face Alex better before saying, "I know, and I appreciate everyone here and how much they care, but I just don't want them to treat me any different."

"No one is going to look at you differently, I think they just need a little time to adjust to the information," Alex says, as I nod my head understanding where she's coming from.

"Why can't they just react like you, Ash, and Ali did?" I groan, letting out a yawn barely able to keep my eyes open.

Alex lets out a laugh before sarcastically replying, "Oh, I know, why can't everyone be as perfect as me?"

I snort rolling my eyes, "Oh god, my sarcasm is rubbing off on you."

Alex breaks out laughing, before we return to silence, "But in the hospital, I think we just did a good job at hiding our true reactions." I only scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion, as I can barely keep my eyes open in a squint. Alex explains, "Ash was practically ready to kill whoever did that to you, and Ali wanted to just hold you in that hospital room and never let go. And I...wanted to somehow do both at once."

I let out a small laugh that turns out to be a snort, "Well, I appreciate it, but I appreciate it even more that you and Ash didn't."

The room falls back to a comfortable silence, as I start to fall asleep. Alex continues to brush through my hair with her fingers before I feel her start to get up. I instinctively grab her arm barely opening my eyes, "No, please stay."

Alex lets out a small laugh at my tired voice but complies falling back onto the bed. I take no time before snuggling into her, as she puts both her arms around me. Alex continues to comb my hair, as my head lays on her chest. I can't help smile at how safe and carefree I feel right now, as if I can finally take a breath for the first time in my life.

in honor of the uswnt winning the world cup a year ago today, i thought i needed to post an update. i hope you enjoyed this chapter!

- Care :)