ALPHA GREY (Re-written)

Chapter 15

I had finally given in to the temptation of sleep a few hours into the drive. I had fought off the urge as long as I could, hoping to take note of our route. Vigilance would be my greatest weapon in the days that are to follow. I am awoken by the velvety sound of someone’s voice announcing that we had finally reached our destination followed by a gentle touch, tugging a strand of my dishevelled curls behind my ear. It dawns on me, as I open my eyes that I had fallen asleep on his lap. I awkwardly sit upright, clearing my parched throat. When I look to the side, I catch his icy blue orbs staring right through me.

“We are home.”

Your home you mean. I want to say but decide against it.

Instead I avert my eyes towards the outside, taking in as much of my surroundings as I can. Beautiful greenery is spread out across the territory, most of the land covered by forest. I find myself longing to explore its depths.

Growing up I had always thought of the forest as a wonderous place, though it held a certain element of danger, it was serene. Despite the warnings, I’d wander into the woods alone whenever my mother wasn’t around, my sense of adventure getting the best of me. The habit grew with me as the years went. In the forest, away from prying eyes and curious stares, I could clear my mind and be at peace with myself.

A good twenty minutes later, my attention is captured by the sight of the massive house before us.

This must be the pack house.

Had I been here under different circumstances, I would have taken the time to appreciate the marvellous architectural design and allowed myself the chance to take in all the beauty that surrounds this place. Yet everything seemed dull and dreary. I had been shoved into a world of black and white, where nothing was enticing or exciting, depression and loneliness were my only companions.

“I’ll be just a few minutes, then we can go home. You can come in with me if you’d like?”

I keep my eyes trained on the window, starring lacklustre at the outside. Was it fair of me to give him the cold shoulder? Probably not, but my anger refused to let me see reason.

“Is this not the pack house?” I ask the man in the driver seat whose name I hadn’t bothered to ask before.

He must think that I am rude and unmannered.

“It is. It is home to most of the high-ranking pack members. There are a few other smaller pack houses and family homes spread out across the territory. We are quite a big pack. The Alpha resides at a private residence with his brothers and close friends.” He answers the question I wanted to ask.

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name earlier.” I say, embarrassed by my own ill manners.

“It’s Ryan, mam.” He addresses me, too formally for my liking.

“Please, call me Blythe. Mam makes me feel like I’m a few decades beyond my years.”

Ryan and I engaged in small talk, which mostly constituted of me asking questions about the geographic situation of the pack territory without drawing suspicion. Oddly I found that he was much more welcoming and friendly, which made talking to him come easy. If only my mate was as welcoming.

On his return a few minutes later, we set out to our destination, located a few minutes south of the pack house. Contrary to the dated architecture of pack house, the house before us is modern accentuated by high glass windows and a wood exterior. It is completely surrounded by the forest, the atmosphere tranquil, though it does nothing to help my mounting anxiety.

“Shall we?” He says as he steps out of the car, coming to my side to open the door for me.

“I’m right behind you. I just need a minute.”  

My stomach begins to constrict into a tight ball as my breathing grows more rapid and shallow. All my fears come crushing down on my chest, my heart stumbling at its own rhythm. It feels like I’m suffocating in a deluge of icy cold water that keeps rising until it swallows me whole. I rub my knuckles against my burning chest hoping to relieve the pressure of the weight crushing down on me.

From the blur of my disfigured vision, I can make out Grey’s silhouette. His voice pierces through the vacuum, sounding afar though he stood right in front of me.

“What happened?”

“I believe she’s having a panic attack.” Another voice comes, though I cannot make out if it belongs to Ryan or Jasper.”

“Breathe love. I’m right here with you.”

He takes hold of my shaking hand, rubbing calming circles in my palm. I cling to him, drawing in deep slow breaths, focusing my attention on the sound of his voice and the feel of his touch. The irony that the person who happened to trigger my panic attack would also happen to be the person to help me through it, was not lost on me.

“I’m going to pick you up on okay?” He whispers softly, awaiting my permission.

I nod, unable to bring myself to speak. I felt weak and pathetic as he carried me bridal style through the house, up the stairs towards a room I presume to be his. Gently, he sets me down on the bed, his warmth never leaving me. I tighten my grip on his arm when I feel him shift. After a while, I sum up the will to let go of him, finally finding my calm amidst the storm.

“Let me go get you some water.” He disappears into another room, returning shortly with a glass of water.

“Thanks.” I breathe, licking my lips to moisten the dryness before downing the glass of water.

He clears his throat, his eyes darkening slightly as he looks at me intently, following my every movement as if afraid I would break.

“I’m fine now.” I try to assure him…though I also needed to convince myself.

“You know you have nothing to fear, right? I know we got off on the wrong foot but I would never hurt you. This is the safest place you can be right now.”

I allow myself to believe him.

In my moment of weakness, I convinced myself that I was in no apparent danger.
Maybe I was being naive or maybe I genuinely wanted to believe there was no threat, to ward off the panic attacks. I couldn't decide which it was.

“I need to go meet with the council for a while. Will you be fine here until then?”
I nod, not really knowing how to respond.

Duty called. It would be rude of me to keep him from his engagements. Besides, he is the last person I want in my presence or at least that’s a something I’m painfully trying to convince myself of.

“I’ll send someone up to help you settle in. I’ll try get back to you as soon as I can. If you need me, let Lassie know. I will leave an open line of communication for her to mind link.”

He departs, leaving me alone in foreigh territory. The room feels bigger now that he is gone, empty even. I lie back down on the King-sized bed, taking in my surroundings. The room boasts several shades of grey, with carefully thought out touches of red and black. Though sparsely furnished, the captivating artwork adds an edge to the minimalistic vibe of the room. I could appreciate its subtle design though it was too dark for my liking.

His masculine scent clings to the sheets and every other part of the room. As much as I would love to hate it, it calms me. I close my eyes and take deep breaths with hopes that when I open them, all this will have all been just a terrible dream. To my disappointment, it dawns on me that this would become my new reality.

I am forced to accept this moment as if I had chosen it myself.