Overlap

Eponine

"Bloody hell," i grinned down at my paperwork, all the handover sheets I still needed to fill out. It was one of those embarrassed smiles accompanied by the shaking of my head and a, "sorry"

I turned my head to blow a raspberry at some of the younger kids who were probably stood on all sorts of things, upturned boxes and stacks of books, the radiator even, just to try and peer at us out the window. I sort of felt like i owed it to them to put on at least a little bit of a show. After all, who knew when I'd next see them again.

Who knew whether I would even be back? Me and Matt hadn't really talked about what would happen after the baby was born. Whether I'd be coming back at all, let alone when.
Now with the virus cutting my time short so suddenly it all felt even less certain and I couldn't help but dwell on the guilt which swirled in my tummy.

It tied me in knots.

Some of these kids were going to need me even more now and I wouldn't be here.

I did my best to scribble down some notes on each sheet, trying my best to remember the goings on of my yesterday, trying to write something unique for each one instead of just scribbling the same old shit down. I could feel Vans eyes on me though, the warm shadow of his gaze and it was tingling my cheeks with a blush, one which I was trying to ignore. Trying to pretend I couldn't feel. Trying to pretend it wasn't there at all.

"Dead pretty when you concentrate your are you know," he said, probably smirking at me when he saw the blush and the smile I tried to hide. The way I couldn't bring myself to look up at him and say thank you.

"Don't lie to me Van I have seen my reflection this morning you know," i bit back my grin shrugging him off when he protested said he meant it actually. "I look like i havent slept in weeks,"

"Aye love an thats for the best, imagine the state I'd be in if you had been gettin your beauty sleep," he winked licking his lips when he smiled and leant back into the bench, pleased with how his cheesy remark had embarassed me. Stirred that nervous laughter when I'd told him to get lost.

I'd been nervous that morning, nervous last night too. I hadn't had much sleep because I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Van, whether he was nervous about seeing me.
We had hardly spoken since the wedding and in fact perhaps we hadn't shared a single word since the annulment.

Until he had called me I'd been trying to pretend that our silence was just a coincidence but i knew it wasn't.

My silence was a guilty one, a shameful one.

Because I'd fallen in love at my wedding and not with the man I was marrying. I'd fallen in love slow dancing with somebody else in a dingey bathroom, urine scented, flickering yellow bulb above us. I'd fallen in love with him when his hand had held my waist and danced me around in a slow circle. With his chin tilted down towards mine. I'd looked up at him and realised he was everything to me. Everything i really wanted. That he made my heart swell with sticky inconvenient emotion. Happiness like a gun.

I'd fallen in love with him and he was only trying to help me. Only trying to sooth my pain, only trying to ask me to look after myself every once in awhile. But I'd taken a step to far and fallen head over heels for him and that wasn't fair on him.

And now I was sitting not so far away, trying my best to concentrate on my work, his eyes flickering over me, his lips twitching the smallest of smiles as he watched my cheeks in bloom.

"Nina..." he leant across the table slightly, his finger grazed my cheek, almost made me jump when he brushed my hair from my face and my eyes shot up to meet his. His which were glowing with a teasing smirk.