Soulmate
The dreary shade of early morning is what I see behind the front glass of my white Porsche Cayenne Coupè. I tightly hold my steering wheel with my both hands, and bended my head on top of it.
My love for Vince was very shallow, undeveloped and immatured. Minahal ko siya noon, hindi sa paraan na dapat pero minahal ko siya sa paraang alam ko. For the past years, I'm not sure if my decision was right or wrong. I'm just sure of the soreness from all the heartaches it brought me.
Kung nasaktan ako sa nagawa ko, paano pa kaya siya? He is the victim of my reckless decision in love.
"I've been following you after you've graduated."
Tulala ako sa kawalan, hindi alam ang sasabihin. I just let him speak while I am embracing all the pains, magmula pa kanina.
"Hinayaan kitang umalis, hinayaang mag-aral at mamuhay dito gaya ng gusto mo. But I am sorry... I can't wait anymore. After I finally saw photos of you during your graduation, inisa-isa ko lahat ng airlines na puwede kumuha sa'yo. Pero nalaman kong wala kang pinasukan kahit isa man lang doon. Inakala ko ring uuwi ka ng Pilipinas, pero walang Xelleinna na dumating. That's why I am here, for I can't wait to see you again..."
Yes, I still pursued and finally graduated on the course which was included in our dreams together. Ang lumipad nang magkasama. Tinapos ko pa rin ang kursong kinuha, for it is very close to my heart. But I didn't get any chance to have my job in that field dahil nag-iba na ang gusto ng puso ko.
My heart changed. My heart wants new. No matter how I made it stop, it will always find its own way to be free.
Hindi ko nga lang alam kung bakit kahit nagbago na ang lahat, hindi pa rin talaga nagbabago kung sino ang minamahal.
Pero ang marinig ang mga bagay na ito sa kaniya ang mas nagparamdam sa akin kung gaano kababaw ang pagmamahal na meron ako. Ni hindi ko man lang naisip na puwede ko pa siyang balikan, na baka puwede ko pang subukan at baka puwede ko pang ipaglaban. All I think is I could not, for my love for him is not that deep enough to fight on for its own battle.
Vince's gaze locked in me. Malalim ang mga tingin niya, mukhang naghahanap. Hindi naman matanggal ang titig ko sa buwan.
Fascinating moon, thank you so much for always being there whenever I fall, whenever this man catches me and whenever we are breaking together.
"At alam mo ang mga nakikita ko in every month I try to visit you in your publication?" Vince voice was weak.
He visits me? Every month? How could be? I didn't see any traces of him or even feel any presence of him around. Is my love really that restricted, to not feel anything if nothing will really come on my way?
I want to react on his words. I want to know why he is doing this to me even if I could not give him what he really deserve in love. But at the same time, I want to explore my thoughts sa kung ano pa bang mga pagkakamali at pagkukulang ko.
"You are always spotted by my both eyes with that man. Always, Xelleinna. Palagi. You two are used to stick together in work and even in going out for dates..." mas lalong nagpatulala sa akin ang sinabi niya.
Ni hindi ko alam na makakarating sa kaniya ang ganitong mga bagay. Great guilt creeped me.
"How could I have my baby, then?"
Nag-init ang mga sulok nang mata ko after Vince whispered those words to me.
"Hmm? In what way? Tell me, Xelleinna... paano?"
I missed him so much. I missed the words like these, which always chase every tender emotion in my heart.
"Paano ba kita mababawi? Huh? Sabihin mo at gagawin ko lahat, maging akin ka lang ulit," Vince said while finding my gaze.
YOU ARE READING
Chasing the Taste of Dims
Short Story"Love is just a taste, it will never be given to you fully." It's a perfect relationship under the moonlight before. No farewells, no separations and no break ups, only these words, "I love you, moon." Until the time came when distance had set them...
