bnha x reader | fluff & angst

what once was | tamaki

pairing: tamaki amajiki x fem!reader

warnings: angst

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What is love?

She never really knew before meeting Tamaki Amajiki. Her days before he walked into her life were dull. She had the same routine everyday, waking up to go to class, coming home to sleep.

Living life like that gets boring at times. She started to wonder what else is there. Is her life going to be like this forever? Middle school passed like a blur, leaving her ready for a new start in a new place.

Her acceptance to UA came as a surprise. She didn't expect to get into the prestigious hero school. Nonetheless, she passed both the written and physical exam, placing her amongst some of the best aspiring heroes in the country.

Being at UA was tough. It tested you physically, emotionally, and most importantly, it tested you mentally. Many kids quit on the journey to the top. Only the strong survived. She was proud to say that she was one of them. It didn't come easy, however. There were many instances where she was hanging on a thread, getting so close to just falling off.

Then, she met an angel. At least, he is one in her eyes. Tamaki Amajiki is his name. He's apart of the Big 3 at UA alongside Mirio Togata and Nejire Hado. He was her savior. Tamaki Amajiki was the best thing that happened to her. Unfortunately, she realized that way too late.

You see, Tamaki is not one to express his true feelings for you out of the blue. If you're someone special, he would eventually work up the courage to tell you how he feels. She was someone special to him. Someone that he thought he could confide in and trust.

He was wrong.

Their relationship was something that no one really expected. People in school talked about them a lot. They wondered how someone like him could be with someone like her.

"Poor girl, he's probably too shy to even speak to her, let alone date her."

"How did Tamaki get a girl like her to be with him?!"

Tamaki chose not to listen to what other people had to say. He trusted that your relationship was purely built on just the two of you. Not what other people thought or said. However, as the months flew by into the new relationship, Tamaki began to sense that something was wrong.

He was right.

She started to become more distant. Canceling dates, yet going out with her friends. Avoiding him at school, which required lots of effort considering they were in the same class. Tamaki confronted her about it, wanting to know the reason for all of this. He wish he hadn't though.

"Hey..u-um I wanted to know why you're avoiding me all of a sudden? Did I d-do something wrong or..?"

She rolled her eyes at question, mentally scolding herself. She knew that this was eventually going to happen. She didn't know how to tell him that she didn't want to be with him anymore. Stupidly, she assumed that if she ignored him long enough, he would just drift away.

She was wrong.

"Tamaki, I want you to leave me alone.." she whispered softly. Tamaki heard that. His breath caught in his throat as tears stung his eyes. With a heavy feeling in his chest, he replied.

"What?! Where is t-this coming from? How could you say that?" At this point, tears were flowing down his face, staining his cheeks as he looked at her through blurry eyes.

She felt almost no emotion at the sight in front of her. She had a reason for this. A good one, at least she thought. Ever since the pair began dating, she's been falling behind her classmates. He seemed to be the common denominator in everything. She failed that one test due to hanging out with him the night before. She was too sore to train with her class because the pair liked to train on their own. She couldn't do that anymore. As much as it hurt, she had to think about her future. Being with Tamaki was going to stop her from seeing her true potential, she had to let him go.

She was right.

A few years have past since that day. Now, she's a pro hero in the Top 10, saving people day and night. Basking in all the glory. As the days go on, she can't help but notice that something is missing. She hasn't been in a relationship since Tamaki. Too afraid to put her heart out there. Too afraid to make herself seem vulnerable to the people who want to hurt her.

She can't help but think about that day. The day she broke Tamaki's heart. The day she lost her happiness. All because of some dream. A dream that didn't include any type of love, only praise from others.

There are days when she's alone and she thinks about when times were better. Her mind drifts back to one of her last dates with Tamaki. They were at the beach one evening, having a little picnic. It was Tamaki's idea to go there.

"He was always such a romantic.." She thought to herself.

They sat close together on the sand, gazing out onto the ocean and its calm waves. She glanced up at Tamaki when he wasn't looking, admiring how calm he looks with her. The evening sun is falling on his face and she thinks maybe, just maybe she is a little bit in love with him.

Tears threaten to spill out of her eyes at the thought of him. She regrets saying what she said. She wishes that she can go back and change everything.

Life doesn't work that way.

Now she sits in her room alone, her brain painfully recalling moments when she was at her happy place, with him. She puts on a brave face everyday when she goes out to her her job. The same job that she fought hard for all those years.

People walking past her might see a remarkable hero. Someone who worked hard for what she achieved at such a young age.

Those same people don't see her when she gets home late at night. They don't see when she wakes up with tears staining her cheeks.

They don't see how broken she really is inside.