memories || bakudeku || fluff

~prologue~

I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live like this

I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel
I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel
Something really real so that I can really
Feel like a person again

_________________________

Everything around me fell silent. I had a beep in my ear, it was so loud and yet it was silent. But this strange sound was powerful enough to bring me to my knees. I hit the ground hard, my jeans chafed on the wet floor. I saw the still body lying about five meters away on the street.

I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes and clawed into the ground. Then I pulled myself forward. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I ignored it. My pants sucked up rainwater, but I didn't care. I felt my skin rub against the floor. A wound formed and I felt the blood flow through my veins.

I wanted to cry out, but I didn't. I took a quick look at the floor. My blood ran out from my wound from my knee and flowed across the floor. But I still didn't care. I scrambled to my feet and swayed left and right. I stumbled toward the fenced tree. I literally had to make it. I drilled my fingernails into the bark and closed my eyes.

Tears poured from my glassy eyes and mingled with the sweat on my face. Everything was blurry. I only saw this lifeless body. And the empty, dark street in front of me. My head was pounding, but I just didn't care. And further. I pushed myself off from the tree and ran towards the body. I fell. Not because I tripped over something.

I was weak. And this not because I was exhausted. I was completely at the end of my energy. I've done so many things, so many things that I maybe regret now.
And now I was sitting here, wishing I was ignorant and stupid. That would have saved me from the awful truth. But now it's the way it is. If it weren't exactly the way it is now, I would be comforted and helped by him.

As so often, I would show him my weak side. But now I'm not even sure if we two can still do it.
I thought I finally had someone to hold out their shoulder for me, he rammed a knife in my back. I couldn't even say that I hate him now. No. Never. I'd like, I'd love to say it right now, but at the moment, I couldn't even say if I was really sad or or upset and angry.

And as much as I would like to say that I hate him now, I couldn't. I just couldn't. Maybe I was just to weak to say goodbye to someone I loved for a very long time. That's it. I was too weak. That was always my excuse. But no, I wasn't. I wasn't weak. I just imagined it at all. Really beliving that I suddenly had the life I always wanted had been extremely stupid of mine. If I could delete my entire life, would I do it? I would have liked to yell >>Yes!<< now, but that wouldn't be true.

I had been through too much here in this life to start over again.
It would be selfish of me to go now. That was not the time. I would be a weakling if I always thought of death when it was getting difficult.

I looked down at my hands. They were totally blue and they were trembling. A smile flew over my face. It was amazing how many decisions I regretted in my life. I sniffed, pulled my sleeve forward, and wiped my face with it. I grabbed the black sweater of the motionless body and pulled careful on it. The person in front of me was lying now in a position that I could see the face.

>>I'm sorry.<<
I pulled the iPhone out of the pocket of his shorts and turned it on.
I dialed 911. Then I smiled again. I put the phone back in his pocket and got up. >>Take care.<<

~
Sweat ran down my forehead. I felt something again. It felt good, but somehow it was unexpected. It was like there was something alive in me again. Like a ghost that returns to its owner after a long time being dead. It was cold. I was tired and felt terrible as if I had been hit by a truck. I still felt too weak to open my eyes, but I could hear noises. Voices. Voices and the sound of machines.

A regular beep. But that was all. It all sounded pretty blurry but incrededibly loud. Found it almost better when I was gone. Suddenly, everything fell silent. No more beeps and no voices. Just me and the wonderful silence. Even the sound of the wind started to fade away. The only thing I heard right now was the sound of a piano.

A beautiful melody was played. It seemed unreal, but I still enjoyed it. I didn't know who played this music or where it came from, but it was beautiful. If I had felt them, I would now move my hands to it in tact. So far, however, there has not been the happy moment when I finally woke up and realized that I only was dreaming all of this.

The melody kept playing, I got tired. I listened to the tune until it seemed to come to an end, because it became quieter and quieter and finally fell silent. But probably it was because I fell asleep.

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916 word count
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Hey guys. I'm here with a bnha BakuDeku fanfiction. I don't write storys like this very often, so please don't judge me.

I will do my best and I hope you guys enjoy it.

Feedback and criticism are welcome. You are also welcome to point out spelling errors to me.

Sometimes I also take story ideas from you, when you've got some ideas.

I do not write regularly, whoever doesn't like that can go, here is the door🚪

I am also happy to accept suggestions for improvement, e.g. more fluff / less fluff; more smut / less smut

So that's it, I think. Love you guys! Thanks to all the few who will continue reading ^^

~misa