Remembering Sunday

Nixxie.

I don't register the people, I can't. I refuse to talk. I won't do it.

Oh god, did he shoot me? I don't feel like I was shot. I pat myself down, only a few places are sore. Only a few places are bleeding.

I'm dead, aren't I? They say that when people die, they continue on living their lives. They never realize that they're dead.

I look up and see the relief etched on Sandy's face as she tries to run and hug me. Bean holds her back. His face is grim. I look past them and see my Dad, he's yelling at an officer. Teddy and Danny are right behind him, staring at me. Teddy's eyes are wet. Danny looks scared.

I feel a pair of hands on me and try to fight them off.

"No!" I scream. "Leave me alone!" I thrash, trying to get out of their grasp. Several other hands are on me. I try to reach out and punch someone. But my fists only connect with air. I refuse to look into those eyes again.

My eyes are closed tight and I stand still and let the hands lead me to wherever it is that they're taking me.

Please, let me get swallowed up inside the black.. Please..

I keep my eyes shut, I still don't hear anything. I wonder if I truly am dead, or if I'm going to be alive still.

I'm laid down, and strapped into something. I start screaming.

"Ian! Leave me alone!" Something is being put around my head, oh god! I'm going to suffocate! "I want to live! Please!" I can't move my head anymore.

No! God, help me. Please.. I don't want to die..

I refuse to open my eyes, but I can smell the sterile stench of a hospital. I feel a stab of pain in my arm and I cry out. Then all I feel is wonderful. My face relaxes and I no longer need to force my eyes closed. I try to open them but the blackness is there. But at the corners of my vision, I can see pale blues and greens. I try to look towards the spots of color.

It's a field. There's my mom. She's sitting on a picnic blanket, playing with a younger version of Teddy and Danny. I'm on a swing and I can feel my Daddy behind me, he's pushing me.

We're all laughing and having fun. I stare at my mother. Her long blonde hair is down, she is wearing a beautiful turquoise sundress. Her shoes are on the edge of the blanket. She's tickling Teddy while Danny tries to tackle her. I look up into the sky, the sky is turning grey, clouds are black.

"Honey!" Daddy screams behind me and starts running towards the blanket. I try to get off the swing, but I can't. I watch as lightning comes down on our family picnic. Everything is white.

I blink and when I open my eyes again, all i see is white light.

"Daddy..?" I yell.

"Baby, I'm here. I'm here." There's a silhouette in my field of vision, after I blink several times, I can see that it's my dad. His arms are around me, and I hug him back. "I thought I'd lost you again.." I can feel his tears as they roll onto my shoulder.

"Where am I? What happened?" I ask him, pulling back. His brown eyes are smoldering like a fire, he's so sad.

"You're in the hospital, baby.. We'll talk about what happened to you, later.." He nuzzles into me, smelling my hair. Holding me to him. "They're going to release you this afternoon. We'll talk then, I promise."