For You I Will

Need

I woke up but I was not in my house. Wrapped up in a blanket on the couch by a fire. Was what just happened real? My brother was dead. My parents were dead. All I had left were the Shelby's. But even the thought of that caused me to panic knowing they could be yanked from me at anytime. 

"Gwen," John whispered," Are you up love?" His voice brought comfort as I sat up eyeing him from the love seat across from me.

"How long did I sleep John?" I asked curiously looking out the window. It was dark but I felt rested I had to of at least slept a couple hours.

"After last night when you blacked out I brought you here, didn't want you to be alone."

"I slept a whole day? Oh John, Arthur is probably livid. I missed work. And your kids, they're probably bloody terrified I look fucking rough." I was worried. I didn't want to disappoint the family. I was a hard worker and I didn't want to be a burden.

"Arthur gets it. Gwen you do realize you have nothing to prove? You are fucking family for crying out loud and you've never missed work. And lets not forget your fucking brother just died," John huffed out. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Danny is gone. No amount of gypsy magic, prayer, nothing bringing my best friend, my big brother home A tear fell down my face. The sobs just started pouring out.

"Shit Gwen," John came and sat by me," Hey I am fuckin sorry I shouldn't of been so blunt." He pulled me into his side, holding me close.

"I fuckin miss him John. All Danny ever wanted was for us to be happy and to not struggle like we did growing up. I just feel him around still you know? My instincts I have. I feel like hes not dead but I seen him die. And Rosie and the fucking kids, she is probably a mess, I need to check on her." I started getting up and John pushed me down.

"That is the other bit of bad news. We went to tell her ya know Danny's last wishes and where we planned to bury him and she was upset. Saying the fucking war and the Peaky Blinders ruined her life. Her kids life. Said if you chose to associate with us you were not welcomed there. I got your clothes and a few personal things up in my room." 

I put my hands in my face, " Damn John, this is a lot to take in for one day. My brother is dead and now I have to find somewhere to go. That is how things usually go for me I guess. Danny is rolling in his grave knowing she will be keeping me from there sons"

"Gwennie, you know you can stay here or with Aunt Poll," John chuckled. "You are crazy woman and you know we wont let you be on the streets."

"I cant ask that much of you, John Shelby. You have a life here. Kids. I don't want to confuse them. I love them like my own but I am a mess. I'd be horrible for them to be around right now." Gwen looked up at John and he laughed. "What on Earth could you possibly be laughing about?"

"You know Gwen....you never have anything good to say about yourself. Always I am horrible, I look rough, I bring nothing to the table,blah,blah,blah. It blows my fucking mind," John shook his head drinking from his glass of whiskey. 

"John Shelby, that's the nicest shit you have ever said to me. Are you falling ill?" I laughed. He scoots closer to me and at this point we are practically on top of one another.

He smiles, kissing the top of my head, " Gwen don't act like you don't know. I have always fancied you. You are one of the strongest people I know. Plus your bloody fucking tough when you want to be. Sort of scary sometimes." 

"You really are my best friend John Shelby," I tease him jumping in his lap tickling his sides. He grabs my hands and I am straddling his waist. So much for breaking the awkwardness. He moves his hands grabbing my hips with one hand and bringing another up pushing my hair out of my face.

He leans in close, his lips barely brushing mine, " I wish I could show you how much I really fucking fancy you Gwen. You do things to me no woman has done before." My heart is racing like crazy and I have butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

"John," I whisper against his lips. "I really admire you. You have no idea. But I cant. Not right now. I'm not thinking clearly. Plus I still haven't.....you know?"

"Are you joking? You are fucking beautiful. You haven't been with a man?" John asked looking in my eyes. Gwen blushes, clearly embarrassed. "Its not a bad thing you know?"

"I have only been with you, John Shelby. Sneaking our little kisses here and there. And our other adventures in the field before Martha. The touching and what not. I think I kissed Isaiah Jesus once on a dare. See I am a prude." Gwen looks down, playing with the bottom of her dress. John sits me on the couch next to him, adjusting himself. He rubs his face looking at me.

"I shouldn't of put you in that position. Don't be embarrassed Gwen. You are different from all the women in Small Heath...that is what makes you so special. What do you need from me Gwen?"

"Just lay with me tonight John? That is what I need. I am scared, still in shock. I don't want to be alone. I can leave before the kids wake and maybe you can show me where they buried my brother tomorrow?" I ask him. He smiles rubbing my hand.

"Of course Gwen. Come on lets head to bed then. Especially if you'll be gone before the kids wake. They are up with the fuckin chickens, " John smiled and I laughed. He took me up the stairs to his room. You could tell he lived alone. Clothes thrown everywhere, his guns laying on several tables, his bed unmade and his Peaky cap hanging off his bed post. 

"I could clean for you sometime John," I tell him slipping off my dress and leaving my slip on. 

"Woman, there is nothing wrong with my room," John teases me patting the bed. "Lets get some rest. The kids know not to come in here without permission anyways." I chuckle and climb in the bed next to him. He wraps the blanket around both of us and I cuddle into his chest. I let out a sigh. 

"John, you have no idea what tonight meant. Thank you for talking to me. Being there. I woulda went mad you know?" I smile and look up at him. He just bites his lip, shaking his head. He leans down and his lips meet mine. Taken by surprise and I kiss him back. His tongue parts my lips and our tongues start dancing together and he pulls me closer. I can feel both our hearts racing against each others chests. I run my hands through his hair and he throws my leg over his and his hand glides under my slip, grabbing at my ass. He goes from my lips, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck.

"Quit thanking me," John whispers in my ear. "Good night Gwen." His lips lightly kiss mine. 

"Just friends right John?"

"Just friends," John said before he wraps his arms back around me and I drift off into a peaceful sleep.