For You I Will

His Girl.

It had been nearly a week and Gwen had yet to still talk to John. She avoided work and didn't care to tell anyone why. John Shelby had hurt her and deeply at that. She loved John and told him that regardless of how he felt about her. She couldn't hide it anymore especially the kind of world they lived in. She knew that if she didn't tell him and something happened to him she would regret it.

The sun was barely shining through the window of Gwen's flat. She felt an instant queasiness and threw up into the bucket she sat at her bed side. Gwen had fallen ill over the past week and she figured it was her nerves getting the best of her. She stood up and took the bucket emptying it into the toilet and looking at herself in the mirror. She looked like pure hell and decided today she was going to see her brother, Danny. 

She brushed through her long hair and threw it into a loose bun on top of her head, a few strands of hair falling around her face. She pulled on a loose fighting dress and her heavy coat. The cold weather was creeping in more but Gwen decided she was putting no effort into her appearance today. She walked slowly down the stairs and crept toward the front door and turned taking in the beauty of her flat before exiting and locking her door.

She trudged down Watery Lane seeing the cemetery at the top of the hill. She had yet seen Danny's grave and didn't know how she was going to handle it. Her emotions had gotten the best of her lately. But she needed to at least go and talk to her brother even if he could not talk back. Her feet hit the grass as she walked up the hill. If Tommy fulfilled Danny's wishes then it would be easy to find his headstone. She held her coat close to her and still shivered at the chilling cold air as her eyes traced the many headstones and then her eyes stopped.

Daniel Owen. Beloved father, husband, brother and friend. In the bleak midwinter.

Gwen shook her head and tears streamed down her face. Her best friend, her brother he had deserved so much more in life. His sons needed him and Gwen knew at this point in her life that she needed him. Danny even though he weren't all there mentally half the time he knew the right words to say to comfort his sister. 

"Danny, I don't know if you can bloody hear me. I fucking miss you, I miss you so much. I am trying so hard to make you so proud Danny. Rosie she is so upset and lost without you. She kicked me out but I am not mad and I know how much you loved her. I will somehow make sure that your boys are taken care of. Just please, Danny, watch over me. I have no fucking clue what I am doing. It is like everyone I love dies or just grows tired of me. But now I will sit here and think of what you would say to me. I love you Daniel." Gwen said.

She nodded and put her head in her hands. She couldn't stop staring at her brothers headstone. The air grown colder and she  wiped her tears off her face. She laughed at the thought of someone thinking how insane she looked as she sobbed and rocked on the ground talking to her dead brother. She heard the crunch of leaves and she quickly spun around. 

John Shelby.

"What are you doing here?" Gwen asked half insulted that he had the courage to confront her. John paced towards her slowly with his hands in his pockets. His eyes looked into hers. His eyes were full of sorrow and he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. 

"I came to look for you. I fucked up Gwen. I should of never made you feel the way that I did. You know I care about you so much. Since we were kids I have cared about you. Even with Martha, you never left my mind." John pleaded his case to her. Gwen looked up at him and stood off the ground she previously sat on. 

"I just don't know why you have to come off so hard and so cold to me John. I have known you my whole life. I have seen you in love. I know that you can love again and I know the war fucked your head up. Look what it did to Danny but he still loved Rosie at the end of the day. And what you said about Danny." Gwen looked up at John speechless. He said something horrible about Danny and it was absolutely eating her alive.Her brother helped keep them all alive during the war, specifically Thomas and she never wanted to hear her brothers name talked about that harshly.