Agreed?

Life Decisions

Many thoughts swim through my mind as I sit by the window in the living room. 
When I returned home, no one was here. 

My heart sank as soon as I noticed ribbons and balloons scattered around. Maybe they were planning a surprise party or something some where around here. How am I going to answer them? What should I say? That I got scammed? 

Mr Wordsworth, as he introduced himself, didn't seem like he was someone who will deceive anyone for money. 
If you'll ask me why? then, well he is in no need to do so. That's written all over his face and the air around him. 

My eyes rested on the admission form and business card they gave me before letting me 'free' today... 

Should I call him? 

Should I not?

Why am I not calling him? All I had to do was to become a pacemaker for someone.. Was it that hard?

If I am being honest with myself.. then, yes it is hard... 

I gave up singing... which was once my life... 
Giving up.. It was hard then. Almost felt like, it was unnecessary.

But it was not. 

Back then, I had to give up my passion.. Or else, I would have died of the guilt...

But now, I am back at square one. 

The offer I am provided with is surreal to me. I am in need of money. 
But something is holding me back from calling Mr Wordsworth.. 

It's my guilt. But even more..

It's my pride.

I closed my eyes as the memories went like a flash in front of my eyes. How the loan sharks would beat my dad up.. How he would smile at me to make me feel like it's alright.. Everything's alright...

But I knew that.. nothing's alright. 

I am dragged back to reality as I hear Adam outside the door, bickering with my dad over dinner menu. A smile formed on my lips seeing how they are cheerful despite everything that's going on... 

I would do anything in my capability to bring things back to how they were earlier.. 

Yes! 

If I will decline this offer, then they will just find someone else to do this. They don't have anything to lose. 
But If I will decline this offer now, then I don't know whether I will be able to get any job within next week or not. Whether I will be able to make as much money as they are offering me or not. Whether I will ever be able to pay off the debt in my entire life... or not.

Yes. This is right.

Pride cannot feed you. Only money can do that.

Pride cannot satiate the lenders. Only money can do that. 

..Pride cannot bring happiness... Only money can do that..

I took out my phone and called Mr Wordsworth while filling the admission form. 

I could hear my mum gasp when she saw me sitting on the sofa. She quickly went back outside, maybe to tell them that I am back home early, and that their little surprise might've ruined.. 

He picked up the phone call. 

"Hello, Ms Williams? I see, you have decided things..?" 

I took a deep breath before replying. "I'll do it."

I heard him chuckle. 
"But," I cut him off. "I can have terms and conditions as an employee, right?" 

"Conditions?" he asked me. 

"Never.. never ever my family should get to know about this... I will tell them.. that I have filled the form because the school would be giving me scholarships.." I kept my voice low. Maybe because of the fact that my family has already entered the room and were chatting among themselves about my unexpected presence at this time.. Or maybe because I felt a slight sense of shame for even mentioning the word 'conditions' to someone who was practically going to drag me out of this swamp hole..

I heard a chuckle again. This time, he sounded amused. 

"Whatever you say. I can do that. A letter sent to your parents from the school would do, right?" 

I hummed in response. 

"But.. now I want to know... why are you so eager to hide this from them? No matter how I think about this, they should be happy.. that you are finally going to go back to the school... that too, practically for free..." He paused. I heard him cough then clear his throat. 

"But listening to the way you talk, I somehow get this feeling that you will give a different performance than the ones before.." he said, his voice ever so low. But I heard him clearly. 

There were others before me? 

For this shitty job? 

"I hope you will not disappoint Director," and with this he hung up. Before I could even ask what he was talking about. 

I sighed. 

My head shot back up as soon as I heard all of them asking dozens of questions at once. 

'Why are you back so early? What about the interview? You got rejected?' So many questions...!

I let out a small laugh and went over to stand beside Adam before slipping the admission form in my pocket. 

"I am..." I paused. Just to see their reactions. 

"Accepted!!!" I threw my hands in the air. Mum gasped and Dad started laughing... out of extreme joy..? 

Adam pulled me in a big hug as he whispered in my ear, "Well done, dummy..." 

I stomped on his foot. He backed away with a bit sour expression on his face. 
"You dummy!" I mouthed back at him. 

He rolled his eyes and said, "You just had to ruin the emo-moment!" 
And just like his stupid childish self, he stuck his tongue out at me. I returned the gesture wholeheartedly. 

This was the moment I always thought about before going to bed every night. The moment when my family is feeling genuinely happy.

Now I was more than determined to do my job precisely and get the promised amount - 60,000 $.

60,000 $.... If I get this amount.. then everything will be okay... 
Not okay.. everything will be amazing...!

How hard can it be? 

Being a 'pacemaker'. Being a step to raise someone higher.. 

I will make sure, that the trouble-maker talented kid of theirs... will shine like the brightest star in the sky.