A Promise Is A Promise

[9] Kayla

A million questions were running through my mind. I wanted to ask Claire what it was like when she was with Frankie. Months ago, she'd told me that kissing her was better than kissing boys after I'd gone days without daring to press her for information. Would she say the same thing now? Did she have feelings for Frankie? Had they changed their minds about dating? Was that why Frankie seemed so distracted all the time? How had it felt? Was it the same as being with a boy? Was it better? Was Frankie able to make her—

"Kayla?" My best friend looked over at me, bumping my arm with her hand. "Are you listening?" She turned the music down and let our eyes meet again. "I have something to talk to you about."

"Okay." I tried not to pay attention to the way her tongue poked out to lick her lips, but it was hard. They were so pink and I wanted to kiss them so bad—there was no point in telling myself I didn't.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since December and everything with Frankie happened. I guess what I've been trying to figure out is what exactly being with her meant for me because when I was with her, I don't think it was solely because of curiosity. Do you know what I mean?"

My attention was fully trained on her now, on what she was saying instead of the way the words looked when they came out of her mouth. "Um, n-not really." Was she saying that she did want to be with Frankie? That she wanted to date her? My stomach twisted into knots, flipping and jumping around. I felt so sick thinking about her being with someone.

Claire took a deep breath and paused, trying to think of a different way to express what she was feeling. I didn't think I wanted the confirmation, though. I didn't want my worst fears coming true. "I was with her because... I guess I wanted to see if being with a girl was what I thought it would be. And it was more than curiosity because I think I already knew that I'm capable of having feelings for girls, but I needed to be sure. Now do you understand?"

"So you liked being with her? You'd want to do it again?" I fought to keep the hurt out of my voice.

"Yes and no." My eyebrows scrunched together and I shook my head slightly. How could she like it, but not want to do it again? "And the reason for that is that I have feelings for someone else."

"Oh." I waited for her to tell me what boy she was falling for, but she didn't answer. It had to be a boy, right? She'd never expressed any interest in any other girls, so it had to be a boy. "Who is he?"

She laughed to herself, but I didn't know what she found funny until she said, "Kayla, it's you."

"What?" I nearly choked on the air in my lungs as I forced myself to say the word.

"Well, we've been best friends for a long time and I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was anything more than friendship, but when I was with Frankie, all I could think about was you. Being with her felt good, but now I know that it would've been better if you were the one I did all that stuff with."

"So... you like me?" My heart was pounding and it felt like it had climbed up into my throat.

She laughed again, but this time, I could tell it was because she was nervous. Hell, I was nervous. "Yeah. I, uh, I do. Is that weird?"

My eyelids fluttered as I tried to come up with an answer. Of course it wasn't weird. I liked her, too. There were times when that was all I could think about. It would keep me up at night and consume my thoughts during the day. How did I even tell her that? How did I tell her that I wanted to be with her in the same way that she had been with Frankie?

"Kayla?" The expression on her face started to show how worried she was. "Say something. Please."

"I-I..." It was so hard to talk. I still felt like I would be sick, but I was also relieved. I didn't know what to say and I could tell that I needed to kick my brain into gear. But I couldn't get my voice to work, so I did the only other thing I could think to do. I let my hand cup her cheek and I kissed her.