petals on our lips |

5

Knowing she was going to be healthy and well should've brought me happiness.

It should have made me feel less guilty but instead, it made me feel worse.

Seeing her now had me thinking of how much she had lost because of me.

How much I had lost because of me.

I found myself taking myself back to the times before all of this.

Before she was stripped away from her true feelings, her pure emotions.

I would start to remember the times she'd held onto my arm.

The times she'd hug me over anything and how she'd spend every day with me and spend the night on some.

I started asking myself the same questions every day.

Did she do those things because she loved me?

Were those the signs I missed?

Thinking back I realized how foolish I was to not have noticed.

Many times I'd think these things during lectures or at times when I needed to be paying attention.

It bothered me how I couldn't go back and change things.

Because in all honesty, I missed her.

The day she was released from the hospital she didn't message me to tell me.

She stopped calling me or asking to hang out.

She stopped talking to me in all.

I'd see her on campus with other girls, other friends.

She had now completely removed me from her life.

That's when I really took in how much time I used to spend with her.

How much I depended on her.

I started noticing how much I truly missed her.

Whenever I'd bump into her in the halls she'd awkwardly greet me and then leave.

She'd never try to make any more conversation than that.

All of her sudden change made me feel strange.

It didn't feel right.

But all in all,

it hurt me and I didn't know why.