petals on our lips |

2

The cold ac hummed in the quiet and white hallway.

I hugged my arms tightly and lightly brushed them with my hands to brush down the goosebumps on my arms.

Seated in the cold plastic seat I stared at the white door in front of me with a blank stare.

I was completely lost in thought.

She was in that room yet I couldn't bring myself to even reach the doorknob.

Just imagining her state in that room caused a guilty pain in my chest.

How could I walk inside, when I was the reason she was there?

"Her lungs are almost completely filled." The doctor had told me.

I bit my lip as I remembered those words.

Why was love such a cruel concept?

Why could love kill someone?

I had always kept myself from loving- afraid that I could die.

I never once thought that someone could die because of me.

Love was something so dangerous that not many tried to love.

So why did she have to love?

"If something isn't done soon she could die." The doctor spoke.

I looked up at the ceiling to stop my tears from leaving.

I didn't want her to die.

I didn't want her to die simply because she decided to love me.

I needed to do something for her.

There was hope, hope that she could recover but that would require surgery.

Even with that option, there wasn't any certainty that she could survive it.

I wiped my tears and covered my mouth to cover my cries.

This concept was too cruel in this world.

I had told myself to never love anyone

but never had I told anyone not to love me.

Again I looked up at the door and with a nervous knot in my stomach I stood up.

I took a few steps and held the door knob.

I gulped down the thoughts that told me to back down and I turned the knob.

The much colder air grazed my face as I opened the door.

The lights were dim and the curtains shut.

I could feel my body shake at the sight when my eyes lay upon her.

Attached to her mouth were a mask and a tube that led to a mechanical ventilator.

The ventilator was the only thing lengthening her life just a bit more.

I hesitantly took a step toward her.

I stopped myself and sighed.

I couldn't bring myself to approach her sleeping form.

I turned to the single-seat couch in the room and dropped down into it.

Watching her from afar I hoped she'd wake up soon.

I leaned my head back on the wall behind me and brought my eyes to the ceiling.

Her soft snores were overpowered by the machines.

Why.

Why did you end up like this?