Musings And Questions/Short Stories For The Mentally Tired

Lust And Hate

There were five of them in the car. Joel and his girlfriend in the front, while he, Stacy, and Danielle were in the back. Danielle and Stacy were making out and feeling each other up, while he was kissing Danielle's neck and sliding his hand down into her pants. He felt her warmth, and the gushing liquid. He heard her moan, and felt another wave of liquid cover his hand. The unbridled lust for sex washed through him, making him lose his identity for just a moment. He could feel that want trying to consume him, take over his body and mind, and forget reality. But he resisted.

His hands paused, and his mouth lingered near Danielle's earlobe. He breathed out a heavy breath, and Danielle shivered. She broke the kiss with Stacy to look over at him. "Jeff...?" He realized that his hand was still holding, caressing, her womanhood. "Right." He responded. He rubbed up and down the lips. Felt for the bud at the peak of her most private part. And kissed her neck once more. All the while, listening to her moans to guide him. Danielle pushed him from her neck to her lips and he tasted Stacy in her mouth. That lust rose ever higher, threatening to consume him, to change what he stood for. To make him someone he was not.

Finally, he pulled himself away from it. Danielle was breathless as she looked at him. When he looked into her eyes, he didn't see the person he knew. He saw only a lust consumed being. He opened the car door and got out. "Jeff? Where are you goi-" They had parked near an alleyway at night downtown, and he headed to that alley. His breath was coming in short ragged bursts. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. The only thought running through his head, was that one, as he began running from the scene.

---

The next day Jeff woke up in his bed, alone. It had been this way for all of his life. He had never slept in his parents bed when he was a kid, and he'd never had sex with anyone. But he craved it. He wanted to know that feeling. That time when you woke up and felt another person's warmth against you. He was twenty five years old, and still hadn't been with a woman. Every day he woke up a little more depressed. Every day felt stale, like a piece of bread left out for too long. Once upon a time he almost had someone he could fall asleep with, but he wanted a better relationship, while she was just having fun. When she refused to go any further with their relationship, he broke it off. And what made it feel worse for him was finding out she had a new boyfriend in exactly one week. Dwelling on the past you idiot? Do it from your view. With that, he got dressed and headed for the roof of the apartment building.

All the residents had a key up to it. The landlord was a bit shady, but he always followed through on promises he made, so no one told the cops about the men in black clothing with guns that would come around every once in a while, and move into the second floor apartment that was always empty. As he was walking over to the elevator to get to the roof, his floormate Carla opened her door.

"Good morning Jeff. How are you today?" He shrugged at her. "I'm alright. How are you? Thomas staying up all night still?" Carla smiled ruefully. "He is. I'm beginning to think I'll never get through to him." Jeff gave her a fake smile. "I'm sure you will, you just need to learn to speak his language." She squinted at him. "You're about to go up to the roof, aren't you?" Jeff froze, smile still plastered to his face. "What do you mean?" He asked. Carla shrugged at him. "Nothing at all. Maybe I'm mistaken." With that Carla went back into her apartment. Jeff felt the smile slide from his face, to be replaced with a careless expression. He turned and got in the elevator and began the ride up. The doors dinged after a while, and he stepped out onto the roof.

It was flat, with only a low wall around the edge. He walked over to his usual spot and swung his legs over the wall and sat, perched precariously, watching a city wake from sleep. Sometimes he came here for the sunrise. Sometimes he came here for the height. Sometimes, he came here out of habit. Is today the day? Is today the day I give myself that little push? He'd been skydiving before. He knew what the fall felt like, that wonderful feeling of nothing holding you, of release from your problems.