BAND-AID

Three

The next morning I sleep the whole day. I thought I little by little getting cured but knowing what I felt yesterday, how I react, I realized that it is too early to conclude.

It almost 3 days had been past since I panicked, and since that night I never go outside my apartment. Diana knew what happened, she slept with me those past days so I could feel safe every night. But I do not let Mica to know what happened on me. So I texted her for another reason why I ain't showing at library.

Even my family doesn't know that I have these developed phobias. I don't want them to feel worries so I don't tell.

I wake up early this day, Diana left me after I feel calmness. I sit on a couch while playing Tetris when a sudden knock hits the door.

I stood and seek whom is that through peephole, it's Jb.

I open the door slightly, facing him while I still standing inside and only half of mine he can sight.

"I'm sorry."

I don't any show reaction. "I'm glad you open the door." I shut the door off.

He really scared me to death that night, and probably it was him too, who owned the shadow that made me ran and fainted.

He knock again, so I open the door.

"I don't know what cause you to scared that much yet I know I'm one of those reasons. I'm sorry again."

I open the door wider and step outside. "You know I thought it would be you." I utter.

The one that could break my shell.

I make myself busy playing Tetris without taking a walk at the outside world. I let myself rest and wait until everything in my nerves goes normal again.

Almost a week had past, I feel alright now so I decide to join Diana in buying at the grocery store.

I set my self into under observatory mode. While choosing products with Diana to buy off, I try talking with strangers and it's good that I'm still fine after those.

I search for man and sneak near to him, glad that I'm still fine— I know these all may sounds creepy, but this is my way to check up. So basically I get back to where myself used to be, yet being touches by men, followed by men, stared by men still the things probably became permanently frighten me.

We are riding back to apartment when Mica see us, so we take a break at convenient store.

"Can you go to library tomorrow?"

"I'll try."

It was a small talk, when we get back to home, Diana start organizing all we bought while I'm sitting on a couch playing Tetris.

In the next day, I left alone this early morning so I'm thinking of going into library. Though I don't think it's a good idea, what if I see him there or worst is what if there's something scary will happen on me while walking home.

I stare at my phone, torn between texting Mica to go or not.

Sighed. I stood when a book call my attention. I step at the table and sit, I hold the book on top of the table. It's the birthday gift from Jb. I play it, and learn something.

I show up to the library. I see that Mica look glad to have me again after a week. At first I feel like I need to start over again interms of addressing stranger yet when times goes by I used to feel it comfortable.

I didn't see him the whole day, I walk home as early as, so that the sun's still giving Earth an enough light.

The next day I begin to set on my mind that I am an assistant of the Public Library's Librarian so I must go there and work.

We only have fewer visitor this day, and Jb came to the library. At first I don't dare to glance on him, and I guess he do the same thing.

After lunch I walk towards the bookshelves and find books that could call my attention.

I read every title I see but none of these  catch my interest. I walk back to tables, where I found Jb sleeping.

I dare to walks towards him, I pull a chair infront of his right-side and be sitted. I glimpse into his face, his left cheeks placed on top of the table and he's sleeping through his left side cheek.

I pull the chair closer to the table and stare at him.

It's the birthday gift from Jb. I play it, and learn something. "The reason why I feel no anger when he talks to me, feel no worries when he stare on me and feel nothing when he held my hands is that I trust him from the very start."

I placed my left cheek on top of the table.

"Now I know what makes you different from them. You made me trust on you. Now, I'm betting on you."

Whatever happen last time I should have moved on. Besides, if it's really him joking me then he won't do it anymore since I'm going to bet into him from now on.

On the very first day that my shell built, he was the only man gives me hope to trust again. I'm planning on giving him the hammer that could break the shell where I live, I hope he'll use it so I can be free.

"I would love to." his eyes open. Now we both staring into each others window of souls.

Everything becomes smooth and beautiful. We step by step knowing each other, I feel great knowing these things that I thought I will never experience again. Though he ain't always passing at the library since he's working with his breakthrough project, still he is escorting me in my way to home. We ain't official but I'm learning to make it.

Sometimes while walking ahead of home I feel a bit of nervous cause now I let him walk beside me.

Oftentimes I see his shadow wants to grab my hands yet I placed it inside my pocket. I'm still learning but I swear someday I'll let him hold my hands whole day or even giving him a kiss.

This day turns out holiday so I don't have things to do. I stayed at my bed and playing Tetris. I almost go along from my previous high score when a number pop up into the screen— it's Jb, calling.

"Can we go out?"

"You may if you want."— I know he's asking for a date, I just want to hear him says it directly.

"I'm here outside. I'm picking you for a date."
I rapidly stand up and run into my cabinet. I remember the last time we dated, that's the first we went out. I just wore a pants and look more likely I'm going to buy a groceries.

I'm find dress that suits this casual date. I did try ponytail too but ended up hanging my hair down freely cause I get irritated arranging my hair. I put light make up and before stepping out from my room I stare at the mirror for last time checking. I want him to be surprise with this look of mine.

I open the door and see his back so then I step outside and lock the door.

"Hi."

He said gently. It seems it's me who surprise by his look. He is not wearing his brown coat but instead having a longsleeve checkered and a pants. His hair seems different today too. He showed his forehead, unlike before.

"Let's go."

He makes a way for me and guided until the car, he does open the door so I step in.

Glad I did wear a dress, cause if not I would look like his personal assistant.

"Is this your car?"

"Nope, I just borrow this from a friend."

I nodded.

"How old are you?"

"Huh?"

"I'm just curious about it, cause you already told me about your family and even your job as an animator but—"

"I just turned 25 last week." he still driving the car, his friend's car. "You're 27, right?"

"I'm 26, who said I'm 27?"

He laugh all of sudden. “Why?"

He just smile and still driving. "Last week?"

"Yeah, remember the day you treat me a dinner? It was my birthday."

I startle, I look at him and see his smile.

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

We arrived at the Dans Lenoir Restaurant where he planned me to take.

This place is beautiful same with their style of serving. We ate in total darkness since it focus on heightening their customers sense of smell, taste and touch. Things that make this restaurant way more especial is that customer service is given by visually impaired waiters.

After eating we take a walk and have a talk, as usual.

We watch sunset at the London Bridge before walking ahead of home.

After the sun set, we drive into his friends house to bring the car since he must back it before 7 in the evening, so we ended up riding a bus.

The nightfall almost over while we're walking home. No one speaks between us and just still walking. Just for a second, a water drop fall to my head, I look up in the sky and found that there's no star, and probably it will rain.

When a rain drops start to fall we run into the sidewalk and directly to the shed. Though we run fast, still our hairs get wet. Jb keeps on shaking his hair when I notice that my shoelace loose so I tend to move down but ended bumping on his head.

"I'll do it."

"No thanks, I can do it alone."

"From now on you don't need to deal with things alone."

"I'm not asking you to do it."

"Of course you don't."

"I don't owe you."

"You don't need to, I'm just giving what you deserve. A man should do things for his girl, without her asking."

How come he could say a word that even writer's can't take. 

"Don't act like your a sweet mankind. I'll still dump you."

He stood and face me. "Do you think I'm sweet?"

My eyes go shrink, I know where this conversation will go so I split it through looking outside. The rain stops so I walk out the shed. I take a single step when I feel Jb's hands grab my hair that seems putting hair tie, though I still can't take these things so I feel goosebumps and give him a gaze.

"Still? I'm kind of worried? Are you phobic?" I don't give him an answer, but instead walk away. I hear him running into me then block my way.

"I'm sorry, I just wanna know if it's true." I still didn't give him an answer.

"I understand, don't you worry, from now on I won't let anyone or anything goes behind you and even me. I promise to stay infront of you always, facing you so that I could guard your back.

"Whatever." I whispered. I think he heard that cause he smile and hug me, suddenly.

I feel nervous but—

"I'm glad to hear you're okay."

I let him to do.

After we parted his words stuck on me. I hope he will keep his words. I lay down and fall asleep.

In the next day I sit near at the window in the library, busy playing Tetris since no one needs my help now.

"Hey, why seems happy?"
Mica asked, yet I ignore her cause I'm going to have the highest premier score in all Tetris player in London.

"Hey, you're an addict."

I just shrug, seems she gets irritated as she grabs my phone.

"Hey!" She played my play. And I know she's not a good player.

"Done." Done means game over on her.

Sighed.

"Why?"

"Nah!  Just wanna talk to you. You keep playing and forget that I'm here a friend, with a mouth—"

"Yeah, so what's with you?"

"No, no, no. Not me but you? Did you two officially—"

"Yeah, we're dating." Am slowly reaching the phone without giving her a hint.

"Not dating, I mean, did you agreed on him?"

Yes, I got it— my toy.

"Nope." I begin to play.

"Then when you plan to do so?"

"Later."

"I'm serious."

"Why everyone so serious?"

"Ana!"

"I'm serious. Later— after playing."

"Oh, hi Jb!"

Eh? I look at Mica with confusion. What she sayin'?

"Hi." I heard Jb's voice from behind.

He didn't hear that, right?

"Did you heard something?" they both giggles.

I turn my look down at my toy when Mica grab it again. "Oops, you're done. I get back to my table."

Seriously?

Jb sitted infront of me. "Hi, my girlfriend?" he said sarcastically.

Gosh.

Now we're official, I plan on giving him my answer later— I'm serious— but not this way. I mean, I plan it at the London Eye with nightfall so it would be especial and aesthetical.

After working at the library we walk home simultaneously.

"Don't you have a plan on finding a job?" Diana ask while preparing for the dinner.

"I do have, actually earlier I sent an application to 2 different offices but no one hires me."

Besides if I can't get a job it's not a big problem. I can work at the library and don't need to get paid.

In the next following days, since I and
Jb became official he become more active. Like sending texts saying "Good morning." until "Goodnight." Even after we just parted from walking. He also sending me a voice clip and even a video clips of him. He's too caring that if mans sweetness can make his girl diabetic, probably I'm already dead.

Of course as what we used to do, we always walk home together after work. Sometimes when he can't pass by at the library he will wait me at the bus stop so we could go home simultaneously. While the time we takes in walking home getting longer, I found some point of me begin to appreciate him deeper.

At this early morning I receive a text from him saying he ain't sure if he could walk me home cause his boss act like a boss— you know what I mean.

At 5 in the afternoon we close the library so Mica and I parted our own way. While walking ahead of bus station I still waiting for Jb's text.

I stop walking and a thought comes to me.

I go to the building where Jb work and stay outside. I don't want him to know this so I don't give him a text but instead walk near at the bench and take a sit.

While waiting for him I play Tetris and constantly peeking on the entrance of the building. The time gone fast as its almost a half hour since I arrived in this location. For just a second I see a group of man walking out from the building. I search for Jb and glad he's there. He saw me too so I wave at him then he run towards me.

"Hi." he smile. "I thought you already went home."

I just giving him a stare, he can't help but to smile— it seems he's proud of me cause this time I pick him instead.

Jb held my hand and walk towards his workmates.

"She's my girlfriend, Ana."

They all smile and wave, saying "Hi Ana, nice meeting you."

One of his workmate walk near us and offer a hand on me. Jb grab his hand quickly that makes them all laugh.

"Hey bro, I'm just asking for a shake hand."

"Yeah, we won't going to steal her, though she's really beautiful—"

Those words make them all laugh more.

"But we love you bro."

I offer my hands on them so they will stop teasing us. "As if I will let you to stole me." I said while we're shaking our hands.

It's good that I can stand now on this kind of
atmosphere. It's seems I do have a huge debt on Jb.

We walk while Jb making sure that no one will come too much near on us, so we placed behind of his colleagues— he's keeping his words into action, guarding my back.

One time while the library have fewer visitor I sneak behind the bookshelf to play Tetris— I lied, it is most of the time.

"Can I borrow your book?" I pointing out the book that placed near at the computer of Mica.

"Yes of course." she hand me the book so I get it and walks towards the table where I would sit.

After a minute in reading the sunlight located my place, I dazzle by it so I gon' seek for another spot. I can't remember how many times I shift my place cause the lights keeps on following me.

I'm in midst of enjoying the book when the sunlight founded me again. I tend to stand but someone's blocking the sunlight, it's Jb.

He block the sunlight to go through me by his hand.

"Just stay there."

His face is too near at mine. I can clearly see the lines on his hazelnut coloured Irish. I feel his warm breath too.

A cough from somewhere stops me in viewing Jb's face.

"Did I disturb you two?"

It's Mica. I turn away from Jb and bring my sight down at the book, I start to read again but I don't know where I stop, I'm lost.

"Yes you did." Jb said, that makes Mica burst into laughter.

While we're walking home I notice his hands trying to hold mine. At first I let him trying yet he's too slow to reach my hand before I put it inside my pocket. I'm still observing his reaction and I can't help but to laugh inner.

I grab his hand instead.

"Goodnight." he said while still holding my hands.

"Goodnight." I step but can't get inside cause he still holding.

"I love you."

"I know."  I said, he smile and let me walk inside the apartment.

I quietly reading the newspaper at the library when Mica run into me.
"Ana, I see this application."

I glance on her, a same newspaper with the one I hold.

"Did you saw it already?"

"Uh-huh."

"Are you planning to send an application?"

"Mica!"

"C'mon Ana, you want to get out from your shell, right?"

"But—"

"Oh hi Jb! C'mon help me here."

I glance on Mica. "A job hiring for a publishing company?"

"Just stop Mica." I utter and walk out.

"Meanie!" Mica calling me out but I don't give her respond.

While I and Jb heading to home I don't entertain his night talks, until we reach our apartment I don't give him a words.

"Good night, I love you." he smile at me.

"Same."

In the next day I woke up early, watching Diana preparing breakfast while enjoying the smell of honey and butter on her dish.

She's modest type, and I feel bored waiting her to finish the meal, and even smelling the honey and butter makes me tired cause its smell spread ceaseless.

I stood and clean the mess, grab the garbage bag and step outside. I see the door in Jb's apartment is going to open so I quickly put the garbage inside the bin and run away.
Though he still see me, so before I could walk in he already block the doorway.

"Good morning."

I nod.

He hug me suddenly yet my hands are still hanging down.

"I'm sorry."

He keeps on saying sorry to me cause I always get irritated easily. That's makes me feel bad too. I raise my hands and let it touch his back.

I guess he baffle cause I hug him too for the first time.

"Nah. Don't say sorry always, it doesn't make sense anymore if you do so, besides I understand you. Just don't ask me about that things again."

His hug became tighter and I feel his head nodded.

"Though that doesn't mean I will not open up to you."

"I love you."

"I know." I replied.

Before we parted this morning he ask me to have a lunch date since he just need to pass his work and can get home early.

I already wear a dress before going to the library and just hide it in a coat so Mica will not have a thought.

While staring at my phone a notification of a text message pop up.

"How are you?"

It's from an unknown number. Perhaps it was Jb, though there's no history of messages conversation. Nevertheless, its only Jb's contact number that I don't put a name or even a nickname, I just let it unknown.

Time runs fast and it's almost a half hour before noon time, I already see Jb outside of the door. He smiles and walks directly to me. Seems he nailed his eyes on me cause even Mica’s greetings he didn't notice.

"Let's go."

While passing at the front desk I see Mica giving me a look as if teasing me— though I see her look more likely a bulldog.

We walk ahead of bus stop and wait. I forgot to remove my coat and now I don't know how to do it. He already see me cover with this coat and thinking that it would be awkward if I do so. It seems wearing this pastel dress would be useless.

"Where we are going?"

"Cinema."

We ride on a bus heading into Cinema. Before we completely get inside, he asks me for a popcorn but I disagree. I know what will happen next to a couple watching a movie with everyone's favorite snack.

The movie begins to show. Like I guess its a romantic movie. Everything is normal between us not until I stretch my leg and notice a couple sitting in front of us.

There's a popcorn between them, doing what Jb's thinking to happen between us. They both nailed their eyes on the screen, then unintentionally— as if— touch each other hand while picking a popcorn then blah blah blah.

I look at Jb and found he saw that too, so I put my hands inside my pocket, quickly.

He keeps on looking at the couple that seems wishing it would be us— like ewww.

"The movie was good." he said.

"Uh-huh." Acting like he really did watch the movie. Though we both know he did not cause he busy watching those couples in front than on what he really buy a ticket for.

"So where's next?"

I asked and seeing his reaction he don't have plans. "What if riding in—"

"Do you want an ice-cream?"

He learned.

We walk outside and seek for an ice-cream store, we buy ice-cream in a cone and take a walk.

The breeze keeps hitting me that makes my hair wipes on my ice-cream. I grab my hair and stuck it in my coat.

I really need to have a haircut.

I almost done eating my food when Jb blocks my way. I startle a bit though I can't move away as he already put both his hands on my shoulder, slowly tracing my neck and held my hair out.

He pulled back my hair and wear a hair tie on it.

Unlike when he blocks the sunlight, now he's much nearer to me. I can feel his warm breath that hit my upper head, his lips in front of my forehead while my eyes to his chin.

I admit, I feel something special this time.

"I- I want to ride in London Eye." I spoke so that he will move away.

"H-huh?"

Seem someone puts a glue on Jb's shoe, he doesn't 't make any move while the Ferris wheel heading up.

"I was overwhelmed by the height of Ferris wheel—"

"Me too." I split his complain.

He looks confused— it's my time to say a word that will make him fed-up.

"I feel—overwhelmed when I'm with you."

I look at him. I expect him to laugh, but instead he still wears a serious look.

His name is Jb, he can be humorous one, but in this matter, he is always being serious and sincere.