BAND-AID

One

The same breeze, the same time when the sun goes below to the horizon in the evening. This is it, the moment when you make the decision and get on one knee.

A year before...

It was a tough day in the office. Before I go home, I decided to walk to my favorite spot where I always meditate. I sat and put off my handy bag. I stare at the sun while its color turning into orange. The breeze keeps hitting my hair that makes it more mess than I usually look. I'm terrible, I feel really depressed towards my job. I never knew I would end up this being a social worker. At first I thought it would be easy— even I didn't plan to take this course— since I love helping people. Yet, as I stay longer in this job I see it’s really stressful. Like why the heck people keep harassing and defying morality well in fact, its easier to do good things with fellow than to hurt them?

"Aish!" I stood and walk near at the edge of this abandoned building. I am not blessed to have a fair height. I couldn't see the sunset at this moment, so I ready myself to climb on a wall, I had already placed my right foot above when suddenly a cold hand grabbed my waist that cause me to fall.

My head hurts and that human is laying on top of my abdomen. I pushed him rapidly and sit while shaking my head. I feel goosebumps on what he did, I really hate when someone is grabbing my waist from behind.

"Why people keep thinking that suicide is the answer? Are you lacking with brain cells that suicide is the only words left with your tiny empty brain? Are you?—" I slapped him.

"Aish! You crazy man!" I stood and walk out. But I forgot my bag so I back to the place and get it. "What's with that man? He seems so angry—Tch, whatever!"

Instead of having a fresh night before sleeping I ended having a headache. In the next morning I still feel the pain on my back head from hitting on a cement floor. My roommate, also a friend of mine, Diana gives me a pill to lessen the pain. After taking my morning rituals I packed up my things and walk outside the apartment. I am slowly walking ahead of the bus station.

While riding on the bus, I low-key judging those couples whom having an argument. Does privacy not exist with them?

When I arrived at our office, I also see a married couple having an argument. My colleagues, doing their selves as a barrier between the couple.
I walk directly to my table where I found a brown envelope. I skim the header of the paper, it's a report with regards to a married woman experiencing abusive relationships with his husband.

Just in time the person itself arrived at our office. I glimpse of her face, her eyes look reddish, bruises on her left upper limb. I stood and walk towards them, my team begin the case study.

While they're interviewing the subject a furious man arrived at our office. Directly walking to us and grabbed the lady's arm.

"What are you doing here, huh?"

"Where did you left your respect, mister?"

He looks at me while his big blue eyes widened, even my teams look at me and keep nodding their heads left n' right. "Hey you, you don't even know my name so where's your right to get in touch with our personal life?" he asked.

"I don't know? Either why I am doing this tiry job? Perhaps I received benefits from Government?" I sarcastically talk. "Mister don’t make things even worse. In fact, we don't need to find more validation since you, yourself as the evidence is more than enough."

His eye starts to widen more as he feels threatened on me. He walks nearer and by his serious presence, he whisper

"Do you want money? I can double your salary this month?"

I smiled and slightly move away. I want to punch his face, but I don't want to lose my job.

"Why not your entire salary?" I offered. Through his reaction I see him feel confusion so I make things clearer to him. "I mean, don't urge me to ask about your job too. Let the woman get what she needs and I promise to make this case run smoothly and fairly done."

In the end, we get what we must gain, we made her empowered to meet her basic needs as a woman and help her to have what she wish as a wife.

Actually, it doesn't as intense as we usually have everyday in this office. Maybe it's just the beginning of today's stressful works.

While eating a lunch with my team, my phone alarmed. A reminder as to the books I borrowed from the public library where I should bring back before the day ends. So before going home, I need to pass by at the public library near at the London bridge.

At exactly 5 in the afternoon I left our office, we don't usually take overtime, especially me since I can't stay awake in late night.

While taking a walk, the air keeps hitting my hair that makes it repeatedly slapping my face. I constantly flip it backward until I reach the front door of the library.

My hair grew fast— "Maybe I would go to the salon when I take a day off."

I walk right away to the front desk and log into the computer.

"Goodness you remember."

I smile and glanced her, Mica the librarian.

"Of course I do." I said.

"Tch—Ey sis, we have a new friend here."
I still busy watching the monitor. I nodded and smile, I offer my hands without looking the person.

"I'm Jb—"

I heard a man's voice so I feel kind of nervous.

"—nice to meet you." he added.

I speedy take back my hands and give this familiar man a barbaric look.

"Well, it wasn't nice to meet you." I utter and give him a dog smile.

I grasp my ID from Mica and walk towards the bookshelf but take a pause when I hear them talking about the way I addressed him.

"She used to be that kind." Mica.

"A rude?" he asked. I heard them giggles. I'm planning on facing them two but decide to ignore them.

Since I already returned the book I borrowed I plan to take-home another book this day. I go to the bookshelf where books as for social problems placed.

The book that caught my interest sadly placed at the upper space of the bookshelf. I try to reach out the stair but someone's using it so I disappointedly back ahead to where the book is.

"Need help?" I heard again his voice talking from somewhere.

"Yeah. Can you get that book for me?" I answer without giving him a look.

"That?" he pointed it out, I looked at him and nodded.

"I see." he utter. I expect him to get the book but instead turning his back and tend to walk away.

"Hey! Seriously? I thought you will help?"

"Did I say I would bear my hands?"

"What?" I raise my eyebrows. "You work here to assist, right?"

"I'm not already working here, yet."

Hah?

"Ah, I see." I whisper. I rolled my eyes and walk out.

"Ey meanie why seem you had a bad day? I thought you came to see sunset last night?" Mica keeps on talking while checking the computer.

"Yeah, I did saw yet there's a crazy man who ruined my night. Better if you don't go there. I'll see it myself, crazy men are all over the places now they're getting numerous even in that quiet place they begin to exist." I replied then step out from the library.

I hope he knows that I'm referring to him. That crazy mankind.

I get home without handing the book.

I woke up late this day. Diana already left the apartment but still cooked for breakfast— that's why I really like her.

I plan to take a rest this whole day since I took a day off, so after I ate I let the dishes stay in its place. I get back to bed and grab my blanket.

A sudden sounds came from my mobile phone so I reach it out from the table and take a look on it.

A message from Mica.

"Hey meanie, I need help here at the library. I'm expecting you to come."

Sighed.

I thought she already have an assistant, why needing my help?

I pokily stand and step into my cabinet.

I took almost an hour before showing up to the library. Mica pad fast towards me then hand over the key.

"Thank you." she said. "I should go now."

I just nod and walk into the front desk.

What kind of librarian will prioritize her boyfriend over the books? I sat and nailed my sight on the computer.

"Sorry I came late."

I look up to him.

"And she went home early." I replied. He looks confused seeing me here at the front desk. "Why?"

"Are you part timer here, too?"

Part timer?

"Ah, so you're a part time worker here— no."

"Then why are you sitting there?" he confusedly asked.

"Not your business to know. Go put your bags on the shelves and start doing your job."

It's research month, so there are numerous students doing their research. The library gets busy the whole day so we us too.

It's almost 5 in the afternoon when people starts to lessen. On the exact 5 pm I turn off the computer and starts to clean the mess in the library, then tell Jb to back the book at their right spot. When everything is in the right place I give the key to Jb and let him lock the library.

While walking home, I feel someone's following me. I walk as fast as I can but ended up losing my breath so I take a pause. I don't dare to glance back, I feel nervous. I still stand on the road while hearing the step moves closer and closer to me.

I close my eyes same with my palms. Just in time I'm ready to punch that human being.

"Hey what's up?— What's with that look?"

I slowly open my left eye, then next the right one.

Sighed.

"Jb?"

Goodness.

"What brings you here? Are you following me?" I asked.

His eyes widened.

"Of course not. I live in the apartment building near at the abandoned one."

"Hah? I live there too— tch. Stop fooling around with me. Seriously? What's this about? Is it the library key? You should keep that since you work there—

He laugh all of sudden.

"Why?"

"Just think about it, should I follow you still and wait 'till you stop before asking about the library key?"

"Of course not—"

"Yeah, of course not. Actually it was early this morning when I found that we're neighbors. I see you wearing pajamas when you threw the garbage bags."

"Fine." I begin to walk again and making a distance between us.

"Ana? Ana right? Is your head alright now?"

I stopped. "Can you just stay quiet." giving him my own style of barbaric look.

He zipped his mouth, then raise his both hands as if surrendering into an officer. I start to walk fast again until I get an enough distance from him.

I woke up early this day since I'm expecting to have another heavy case from violators of human rights. I clean up and threw garbage.

I go to our office and face as what I'm expecting to see.

I am having a migraine and I can't take a rest here at our office while making the case study so I walk out and go to the library. I oftentimes stay at the library when I do have heavy cases to review. I always do find an empty spot to sit far from the front desk so I can fall asleep without seeing by Mica. I place my things, laptop, book and the case file on top of the table and start to act as I really doing my job seriously.

I know— I'm just waiting the moment 'till I fall asleep. I put earphone in my left ear to hear the sign for waking up.

As I scheduled, I hear it ringing in my left ear.

"Is this motel?"  Mica says while busy assisting the students in her computer at the front desk.

"I don't think so— but it's free."

I smile and she smiles back. We both know that even she didn't see me from her spot she knew that I always making her library as a resting place.

I ride on a bus ahead of home. While having a ride I see there are numerous passenger especially, men. I grabbed my bag in front of my chest and hug it tight while taking a ride. I did all my best to not fall asleep as I feel really nervous being in a same ride with lots of men. I gaze outside the window.

I feel that the bus had stopped. I quickly open my eyes and realize that I fall asleep. I look around, my heart starts to beat fast knowing I am surrounded with a men passenger and most shocking is that there's a man sat beside me. I glance outside and see that I'm way too far from where I should ride off. But then I really feel nervous, so I rapidly stand and step outside the bus.

I sit on a bench and laid back.

Sighed.

I really hate being this phobic.

I developed androphobia and haphephobia at the same time— in other explanation, I'm scared being surrounded by men especially being touch by them— something happened. I am not fully an androphobic and haphephobic since I can handle myself talking with men and being touched by anyone, though I can't stay calm as always especially when they place behind me. Nervousness eating my nerves. I hate this.

I stood and wait for another bus yet I see lots of men passenger inside so I decline to ride on. It's getting dark, sun is now setting so I decide to walk.

Almost a 10 minutes left when I start to walk when a sudden poke on my shoulder from the back scared me to death.

"Hey, it's me. Did I frighten you?"

"A bit." I answer. Honestly, I startled too much that I almost had a teary eye.

"I saw you went off from the bus. So I follow you." I still not facing him and continually walking with a safe distance between us.

"I ride the same bus you did..."

He keeps on talking. But I'm not in the mood to address him. I’m still observing my heart and waiting 'till it beats turn into normal.

Until we reach the apartment I still hear my heartbeats same with his noisy mouth that constantly talking about something.

"Good night, then." he utters. I lock the door and go straight to my room.

On the next day gladly we won the case and empowered another individual so my team set a celebration party, yet I don't wanna join them drinking— cause I don't drink alcohol that much— and paying 80 percent of the celebration cost.

I don’t have a plan to pass by the library yet Mica needs my goodie hands to take care the place since she will go somewhere— as if I still don't know that it's a date— since I was a little bit kinda friend I give my half sincere yes to help. Since Jb work here with a salary I distribute the job fairly— 20 to 80.

While he busy monitoring the whole place I'm just sitting on my rest spot while playing Tetris. He keeps on walking like a store manager checking the products if its in the right place. I low-key observing him, I don't dare to glance at him— I'm just playing a safety game— cause probably he'll think that I would love to help him but I feel shy to do.

We close the library at the exact 5 o'clock in the afternoon and go walk to home.

The next day I ended the travel with my bad habit, taking a bus ride and ride off when I left with men passenger and take another second to pause at the bench before starts to walk ahead of home.

While walking I hear someone's stepping behind me. I stop and wait 'till it goes into my front— I guess it's Jb.

He just smiles and then walk. Just a second after,  I begin to step my feet too. He talk and talk without peeking at me.

The next days it became his habit. Walking home with me especially when we ride the same bus. Sometimes I see him waiting at the bench— as if he really waits for me.

One time when I get a ride on bus I see him sitting with an empty space beside him, he smile then wave and ask me to sit there. I wave back—I don't know why I did —and walk towards him. I'm ready to sit though I stop as I feel scare to do so. Perhaps he did notice so he stand and let me sit first.

I move slightly away from him and cram to the window, I gaze outside the bus.

"Can I take a sit?" a women voice said with a crack voice.

"Ahm sorry but I already pay for that space— I'm not sitting there for a reason." I open my eyes when I hear Jb's low voice.

Is he standing there all the time?

I see a skinny old lady asking him to take his sit but he didn't gave. It's seem they're now having an argument so I split their conversation.

"No, it's fine. You can sit."

Jb look at me with confusion.

"What?"

"I said its okay—"

"See?  I told you, you kid lack of manners! You should be carry since you're man." then she steps forward and take the seat.

I didn't gave him a look until  he starts to talk while we're walking.

"I thought you hate when someone sitting beside you that's why I—"

"No, but thanks for concern."

How could I tell him that it's not as what as he thought?

"By the way I still want to know if your head is in good feel now?"

I nodded.

"You're a public servant right? I salute people like you."

"Well, I'm glad to know."

"By the way, do you like arts? I mean animation?"

"I'm not into arts."

"Uh— so goodnight?"

I nodded and we parted.

This week I set a reminder to have a free time for salon. I'm getting tired of flipping my hair every time it blocks my face after the wind struck.

This week also I noticed that we had only few reports and cases, its a good news for everyone.

"So what we gonna do?" Diana said then rolled her eyes.

"I don't know? Maybe I'll do it next time—"

"Seriously? Why not finding another salon?"

Because it's way more cheap than the others.

"Because I like the hairdresser there."

"He's a gay."
I look at her then shrugged.

We went home with still having this long black hair of mine.

As the opposite on last weeks light reports, we do have heavy cases this week, more on the violators connected with using of illegal drugs so it put us much time needed to learn their case report. Simultaneously there are few small cases that for us whom job is in this field, it seems as the most normal cases we usually handle.

It is too noisy here in our office so I must go somewhere else where my brain will be able to work fast and cognitive.

While reviewing the case at the library I see Jb placed at the table infront of mine. He busy doing something about the book.

An hour left, but I can't still figure on how I could make a conclusion about this file report so I take sort of time to breathe and rest. I stood and walk around the library. Walking in between the bookshelves with both eyes closed and take a single step, repeatedly.

When I completely banished my old thoughts I walk back to where I left my things. I sight Jb and notice that he's sleeping now while still holding the pen. I walk towards him and glance on the book.

An anime.

Unfortunately, we can't easily win over the perpetrator so we need to work harder.

I'm always walking home tired this week. And he always walks ahead of home with me.

He keeps on telling about how his day ends at the library like how Mica always busy talking into phones so most of the time he needs to go back and forth to the front desk and to the bookshelves to assist.

Our day ends repeatedly— until I used to like this set up.  I may not know his intentions but at least now I have this bodyguard, a neighbor my bad, who walks home with me.

On the next day I take an off, since we successfully finished our responsibility on the powerless individual.

While walking out of the apartment, I heard someone's calling me out— perhaps its Jb. I stop and turn my look at him. He waved and smile— surprisingly, I did the same.

I quickly get my hands insides the pocket of my hoodie and erased the smile I wear, I look down at my feet— and why the heck I stop?

"Glad you stop—"

"Did I?"

His eyes widen and wear a confused reaction.

"My feet hurt so I stop." I begin to walk.

"Uh— I see."

"I don't have plans today, so can we—"

"No."

"I'm not already saying things."

"It's still a no."

"Where do you plan to go?"

"Why? Do I need to answer? Can't you walk without talking?"

He steps in front and block my way so my eyes go shrink.

"I have hair tie. Wanna use?"

"No thanks."

While riding on the bus, he still looks at my hair that hanging down freely. He sat at the other corner of the bus. I wanna slap his face— real hard so it could stick to the position.

When I ride off, he did too. I walk and notice that he keeps on following me, I just let things remain until I can't take this longer so I face him.

"What's wrong with you?"

I furiously ask yet—

"Huh? Are you speaking with me?" he take a pause infront of a small art related store. He was about to enter when I spoke.

Oh no.

I shrug and raise my eyebrows, acting as if I says nothing.

I see he smile, tch.

Another unfortunate matter, the salon is still closed right now so how could I have a haircut? Should I find alternatives?

"Nope." I whispered.

"So you're planning on having a haircut?" someone speaking from nowhere.

I ignore it and step away.

"Hey—"

I stick in walking.

"I'll treat you lunch."

"Why?"

"I get the job."

"Congrat's."

"So it's a yes?"

I pause and nod.

"Thanks." I hear his voice sounds happily.

And why on earth I nodded? What is happening? I keep doing things I don't normally do?

"So you get the job?"

"Uh-huh! So I should give you even just a simple treat to thank."

"For what?"

Don't say that you used my flawless face as your reference without asking my permission.

"Because you always there every nightfall hearing my complains and thoughts. Especially this past weeks, you seem someone I can lay to."

"H-huh?—"

This past week? I don't even really heard all he said. Is he attacking my conscience for not sincerely listening on his stories?

"—w-welcome?"
He smiles and back on eating.

While walking home, I let him walk first so I could feel comfortable.

In the following days I see him rarely at the library— I'm not really seeking him I just notice.

"I bet you miss seeing me walking in front?"

He asks while we're walking home.

"Of course, not."

"Oh? I assumed." his voice sounds as if he's teasing me.

"Definitely no." I added. He just shrugs and continue walking.

I smile a bit— what the!

I startle when I realized he stopped, now he stand still in front of me, just an inches the distance between us.

He grabbed one of my hands, by his other hand, he moves the hair tie from his wrist, go through his hand until its transfer into mine.

"Good night." He utter with his deep voice.

What's happening— on me?