You Never Knew

Chapter 16

I eventually manage to get home, how I'm not really sure.

The apartment is dark when I get in. I debate swiftly with myself, before sighing and dropping all my stuff by the door. I then drag myself down the hall and to the door under the stairs.  As I open it, the smell of paint hits me. Jenna is dancing in front of a gigantic canvas, headphones in her ears, and all the colours of the rainbow splashed across the painting.

Jenna's emotions are easy to read through her art. The more colour, the happier she feels. And the bigger the canvas – the bigger the emotions.

She jumps slightly when she catches a glimpse of me, pulling a earbud out. "Jesus KiKi, you scared me!..."

Then she actually looks at me and when she does... She drops everything and wraps me in a tight hug. No words needed.

And I cry, I ugly-cry against her shoulder. I wasn't sure I had any tears left, but apparently, I do, and I cannot stop them.  We sink down on the floor, she continues simply to hold me and stroke my hair. A gigantic stain is forming on her shoulder; tears, snot and drool all mixed together.

When I finally seem done, when there are no body-fluids left in me, she stands. When she comes back, she helps me stand, position me in front of a canvas and hands me a brush.

"Paint it."

I look at her, red-eyed and sore.

"Paint it." She gently nudges my elbow, moving my hand closer to the canvas.

"I'm not a painter..."

"No, but you are in pain. And one way to ease the pain is to paint it." She points at my chest. "Move it from here..." She then points at the canvas  "...to here."

Jenna positions the brush on the middle of the canvas and smiles encouraging at me. I sigh, knowing she will not give up, as I dip my brush in one of the nearby paint jars and get started.

We work in silence for a long time. The hole inside my chest screaming at me, but surprisingly aching  a little less.

I back away from the canvas, now covered with an undefined smudge of dark versions of blue, purple, grey and black.

Jenna comes over, gently flinging her arm around my shoulders. "Feeling better?"

I nod slightly.

"Good." She smiles at me and leans forward. "Just a small adjustment needed..." She paints a circle with a light colour, on the edge of the canvas.

"What is that?" My voice broken and hoarse.

"That's the light at the end of the tunnel!"

I look at her sideways, narrowing my eyes. "Sure it's not simply a freight train?"

"I'm very sure." She squeezes my shoulders again. "Come, I'll make you some tea."

I nod, defeated, and follow her to the kitchen.

❦

The rest of the week go by in a blur.  They announce the Wave winners – and it wasn't me and Joacim.

I'm avoiding him just as much as I am avoiding Finn. Neither of them would do me any good at the moment.

By Sunday, I walk downstairs to find Jennie sitting in our kitchen.

"Good morning!"

I cringe at her. "Way too early for such a perky tone!"

"But not too early for this!" She gives me a gigantic smile as she holds up a large bag. "Time to find you an outfit for the big dinner!"

I had almost forgotten about that – the dinner hosted by Jessica Clarke herself!

"But it's not until tomorrow...?"

"I know, we are a bit short on time but I'm sure we can work it and make everything perfect!"

I glance over at Jenna, who is pouring herself a mug of steaming coffee.

"Don't look at me girl! Blondie just showed up! I haven't even been to bed yet."

"I'll make you look so good no one will be able to ignore you!" Jennie winks at me as I drag myself down the last few steps towards the kitchen counter.

"Pour me one of those." I point towards Jenna's mug. "Make it a huge one!"

Jenna lets out a low laugh as she reaches for the coffee pot and Jennie squeals in excitement.

"I've a feeling I'll need it."