Ranger's Apprentice I: Arising Danger

| Chapter XX

We were taking our last break now, when Will asked me something. "Why do you actually never want to talk about your parents and everything related to it?" he asked.
     We were eating dried flesh and for a moment, I stopped eating. But then I continued and asked: "Does that matter?"
     "Actually, yes," Will said.
     "You're too noisy," I only replied.
     "Just answer the question," Will insisted.
     "What if I don't want to?" I asked.
     "Selfish boy," Halt muttered. "Just as I thought."
     That turned me on, as I jumped up and quickly drew my Saxe. (This is just me — I can't properly control myself without snapping, offending or attacking someone.) I started hitting Halt but surprisingly, he was faster than me and blocked my attacks. For one moment I stopped, looked Halt in his eyes and said: "Everything I do is to protect everyone I care of!" Then I drew my throwing knife and threw it at Halt.
     Halt raised his Saxe, blocked my throwing knife with his Saxe, and then blocked my attack with my Saxe. He grabbed my wrist and pushed me down. With the sharp end of his sharpened Saxe pressed to my throat, he calmly said: "You really have to work on controlling yourself. Calm down now."
I refused. I kicked Halt on his left calf and pushed him off me. "Everything I did was to defend myself!" I yelled. I hit Halt another time with my Saxe, but again he blocked my attack.
"For not showing my weakness!" I yelled. I hit his Saxe another time and panted. One last time, I gathered my energy and hit him again. "I didn't want to look different!" I then yelled. I kicked Halt's Saxe away, pushed him down and pressed the sharp point of my Saxe on Halt's throat. "D-don't test me. . ." I said with a shaky voice.
"Why did you bully others," Halt calmly asked.
"H-how else am I-I supposed to act normal?" I asked with tears in my eyes. I dropped my Saxe and crouched away from Halt. I looked him in the eyes and said: "When I was young, I was bullied because I was so small. One time, they pushed me into the bathroom and pushed my head down the toilet. Next time they tried it, I was faster than them. . ." I saw the memory flashing before my eyes. "I grabbed the neck of one bully, and punched his nose. . ." The sound of the nose breaking was still engraved in my mind. I had used all my violence and power to get them off me. "I. . ."
Will stood up and walked over to me. He put his arms around my shoulders and said: "I can imagine what it feels like."
"Next day," I continued, "the bullies came back, but this time with a kitchen knife. They threatened me, and they used the knife against me." I stripped up my sleeve on my right forearm and showed my forearm. Two scars of the cuts that the knife had made, were bared on my forearm.
Will gasped for breath and rolled down my sleeve. Then he turned to Halt and said something. I had put my hands over my ears, not wanting to hear the sounds in my head, the sounds of the knife that was sliding through skin and muscle.
The only thing I could hear from Will was "trauma".

We were taking a two hour nap so we would have enough rest for the following battle. It would be exhausting, especially for our minds. Our bodies needed all their energy they could use. Unfortunately, the Lord above us has other plans with me. Nightmares were a part of those plans.
     My nightmares were filled with memories, bad ones, from the past, haunting and chasing me until I was sweating and shaking. The bullies and creatures that my mind was creating were chasing me. I saw blood, spilled on my clothes and my hands were covered with blood that was my own.
     Soon I woke up. I immediately got up, walked a few steps away from the camp and vomited on the ground. My stomach was twisting and my throat was hurting, while my eyes were burning and my hands were shaking. After my stomach was empty, after it had thrown up my supper, I sat next to a tree, resting my back against the stem. I thought about the upcoming fight and the will and strength it would take to survive.
I am no heroic savior of the innocent citizens, but I am a Ranger's Apprentice. I was starting to feel sick when I thought about it. About the responsibilities that I was carrying now. I was exhausted and in need of time on my own, but I returned to the camp anyway. Feeling Will's eyes on me, I went back to sleep.
     Right after that, I couldn't fall asleep at all. I was scared that my nightmares would return and keep chasing me. I was sweating and stressing a lot about it, almost getting a panic attack.
It was half an hour later when Will tapped me on the shoulder. I looked behind me and tried to control my nerves. I took a deep breath and tried to relax.
"You're sweating," Will said. He helped me to sit up straight and then gave me something to drink. "Have had bad dreams?" he asked.
"Scary ones," I said. I sighed. "I'm nervous. I don't want to know how tomorrow ends."
Will nodded. "I can understand that." It was quiet for a moment until he said: "You smell like puke."
I nervously smiled and avoided denying nor confirming his assumption. "And you smell like forest."
Will nodded once again. Then laid his arm on my forearm and said, setting aside the subject: "Go rest. We'll wake you up when it's time to leave."
After that, I fell asleep. Finally.