Now That You Are Here

No, I Can't

Mature content continued and marked by ***

***

Brixton sets me back on his already hard again cock, and he carries me to his bedroom.

"Ride me, kitten."

I move against him, thrust against him. My breasts bounce, much to Brixton's enjoyment as I swivel my hips against him. I bite my lip and grasp the back of his head while he moves his tongue across my breasts. His cock is deeper in me than he ever has been before, and I love it. There is no space between us. I don't know where my skin ends and his starts. 

We tangle together, making love to each other for hours on end, neither one of us ready to stop. With one last orgasm, out of the uncountable ones we've already had, Brixton collapses onto the bed next to me. Our breathes are ragged, but that doesn't stop us from making out with one another. We pull away, Brixton tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. 

***

"I'm so in love with you."

"I'm so in love with you, too."

We kiss each other one last time for the night before cuddling one another in silence till we both fall asleep.

The next morning moves by quickly. After a speed round of morning sex, we get out of bed. It's my last outfit of clean clothes, so I have to go back to my apartment and do laundry. I have lectures today, none with Brixton, and I have to make up for a lot of work that I missed while I was 'recovering'. Brixton made me a speedy breakfast before heading to his classes. It was Greek yogurt with granola, blueberries, strawberries, and bananas. Plus a mango pineapple smoothie.

How the hell did I get so lucky? He even gave me a key to his apartment, so I can now lock up his door. That might seem small, but I have a key to his apartment. I have a key to his apartment! Ah! I loved the feeling of locking up the door behind me, knowing that Brixton entrusted his home in my ability. Though I did check everything about twenty times, which took only ten minutes, and I'm still worried I missed something. Anxiety, right?

I'm actually really excited for today because I get the day all to myself. For the first time in a while, I can get time to myself. Having a boyfriend and friends and people you like around you is great, but sometimes I need a minute to myself. Especially after what all went down with my parents. I have to figure out what I'm going to do. 

Am I going to prioritize not only Brixton's mental health but mine or choose my parents? There are problems to this, but one being...they're my parents. They raised me, maybe horribly, but I wouldn't be here without them. I wouldn't have met Brixton if it weren't for them.

I feel like I'm abandoning them, but am I? I've tried really hard to get along with them, but that doesn't seem to be working. It's toxic. There's a constant back and forth between what I want for myself and what they want for me. 

They are manipulative assholes, but they are my parents. I don't want to just forget about them and not talk to them. I just don't know if I can handle them. I had a panic attack from them. A panic attack I ended up in the hospital before. And it's not that first that their words have done that to me. 

My mother slapped me. I almost forgot. She slapped me in the face. What am I supposed to do with that? I can't just forgive them because I don't fucking mean it. I have nothing to apologize for. If anyone should be apologizing it's the two of them. My father doesn't even say anything about it. I can't even call them mom and dad. They are Mr. and Ms. Henderson now. To me. Their own daughter.

Is it wrong for me to feel like I want to distance myself from them? Or is that a smart move? Is that wrong? If I'm in a toxic relationship, in general, what would I do? Distance myself. However, it's my parents who I'm already incredibly distanced from. If I distance myself even more, does that mean I give up, maybe in the future, a somewhat normal relationship with my parents? Or am I moving on and finished with waiting for something that'll probably never happen?

Ugh! Why is being a grown ass adult so hard?

If only I could drink. I feel like a shot of whiskey might help with this decision, but I have promised myself I wouldn't drink till I'm twenty one. Shit, it seems so far away. I have no idea what to do. Someone needs to tell me what to do, but a person like that doesn't exist, so...fucking hell. I need to clear my mind and think about what I want. What do I want? There's another question. I can't focus on that. Parents first.

Can I have a relationship with my parents without causing extreme destruction to my mind and its health? No, I can't.

Tears still at my eyes about the realization. I blink them away from my eyes, opening the library door. My safe haven. Without another thought, I sink into my studies. I try to focus on anything else besides the fact that I've decided to distance myself even further from my parents. Before I know it, it's time for me to head over to Danny's. Good. I don't have to talk to anyone while I do car work. I just need to think. On my own.

When I reach Danny's, he can tell I'm in a mood, so he doesn't even try to communicate with me. He gives me a list of things to do, and the time I need to be out, whether or not I'm finished with my work. My afternoon filled with quiet work goes by at a nice pace, not too fast, not too slow. It allows me to wrap my head around everything that's happened these past couple of days and what I have decided to do. 

At my apartment, I cook myself a quick meal, not wanting to spend too much effort on anything. I make my way inside my bedroom to see two giant presents wrapped nicely on my bed. I kick off my shoes, place my books on my desk, and place my purse on my chair. I make my way towards my bed with a confused look on my face. I see a card with my nickname 'kitten' written in Brixton's handwriting on the top.

To my lovely kitten,

I know you have been having a difficult couple of days, and I know you wanted to spend this alone, so I won't get in the way of that. But I couldn't stand idly by as the love of my life goes through the trials and tribulations of life. It would be wrong of me to make you think you're alone, when you aren't. So, this is a care package for you. Well, the top one is. The other's a surprise.

Before you open them, I just want you to know that I love you. It's all going to be okay. Things aren't going to be the best all the time, and I know you have some hard decisions to make. I'm incredibly sorry that this is happening to you, but I know it'll only make you stronger. I know that if anyone can make it through these difficult times...it's you.

However, you don't have to face them alone. I'm in your corner whenever you need me. I'm always ready to listen. I'm here to help you when I can and when you want me to. I'm all yours, and I'm more than happy to call you mine. So don't ever feel worried about calling me about the most petty problems because I get to hear your voice.

With the things going on with your parents, I really don't know how to help you because I've never gone through it, but I know someone who has. If you want to talk to someone, I think she would be more than willing to talk to you. She's one of the kindest people I know.

Anyway, I love everything about you. I love you inside and out. I love being inside of you.

Of course he brings up sex. I wouldn't think anything less.

That's beside the point. I hope you like your gifts, kitten.

Your love,

Brixton

(P.S. I want you back in my apartment. Love you, kitten.)