Mathias (BxB, Werewolf)(Book 8) COMPLETED

Chapter 13

Trigger Warning: Mentions of cutting, anorexia, and suicide. As well as mental health issues. Nothing extreme, just light mentions. 

I wonder if Ambrose will do anything. I keep waiting for him to ask me to hang out or at least for my number so we can text, but he hasn't yet. It's been a week since half his school joined mine and so far we've made zero progress. We literally spend all day together since we have every class together, but he doesn't do anything. I'm starting to fear the worst in thinking that he actually wants nothing to do with me. And knowing that he's a werewolf and I'm his supposed mate makes me feel like he doesn't want me since he hasn't done anything yet.

But of course, Jonah told me not to rush things. He thinks Ambrose is either taking things slow or is nervous I might reject him. He also had to remind me that Ambrose doesn't know I'm in love with him or that I know he's a werewolf. Jonah also mentioned that Ambrose could feel awkward and confused since I'm a guy and could be trying to figure it out.

And of course, I over thank it and gave myself a panic attack thinking he was ashamed that I am a guy and didn't want me. And Jonah had to try and calm me down over the damn phone which took much longer than if he were in person. I have to thank Jonah, though, because he doesn't complain about the many panic attacks I get. Instead, he calmly talks me out of them.

I hate having such bad anxiety and all these panic attacks. I normally get a panic attack every other day. It's a good day when I don't have one. Honestly, I should probably be on some kind of medication for them but I hate the idea of putting a drug into my body. I don't even like taking Tylenol for my migraines. I get migraines often too, probably once or twice a month at least. And if I'm really stressed I'll get them more often.

But Jonah has never complained. Even when he witnessed my first panic attack with him, he didn't freak out like I thought he would. No, instead he calmly talked me through it until I felt sort of normal again. Not even Micah freaked out, but he also said he's not new to panic attacks because he's experienced them before. Which makes sense considering he was in the Marines under stress.

I am so very thankful that Jonah and Micah came into my life. They help me so much in ways they probably aren't even aware of. They are my escape from reality. And knowing now that Jonah isn't even human makes me escape from reality that much better. It's a whole new world to explore and I feel like I've finally opened my eyes for the first time.

And luckily Jonah doesn't mind all my questions either. Even Micah seems a little excited to tell me things. Micah told me that he already knew about the supernatural before Jonah came into his life but he was still shocked to find out he had a werewolf mate himself. Micah told me about what happens when mates reject each other. It doesn't sound too pleasant to spiral into despair wanting to end your own life. He said the effects happen to both mates but the supernatural creature feels it ten times worse. Why would anyone reject their mate then? It doesn't seem possible.

I know for a fact that I won't be the one rejecting Ambrose. No way in hell. I've been in love with him far too long to just reject him in the end. Besides, it doesn't scare me that he isn't human. It's actually really exhilarating. It's literally a whole new world to explore and I can't wait to explore it with Ambrose by my side. Or at least I really hope he wants to explore it with me. But perhaps that wouldn't excite him since he's lived in this world his entire life. I'm just a silly outsider who just happened to find out about it.

But either way, one of us has to make the first move and I'll probably have a panic attack if I'm the one to do it. It also worries me about Ambrose finding out about my frequent panic attacks. What if he can't handle them? What if he can't help me through them as Jonah can? What if he leaves me all because I can't control my anxiety? Or he doesn't want to deal with them at all? Or he gets annoyed with me because I overthink everything and give myself panic attacks?