So Into You

CHAPTER 15

Harry was the last person I was expecting to see, yet here he is standing in front of me after Jake, and I kissed.

"Dean's car broke down, so I came to drop him off. I guess your date went well, eh?"

I'm not surprised he mentioned this, so I say. "Yes, it did actually. It's nice to be wined and dined some times."

"I see. It looks like you've gotten past first base as well." Of course, he'd go there.

"Are you jealous that he's gotten past first base?" I don't know why I just said this, but he's making me angry with this back and forth.

"Me? Why would I be?"

"I don't know, Harry. You seem to be concerned with what I do with Jake."

"That's not what I'm doing. There's just something about him that seems off. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I didn't know you were concerned with who I date."

"You're dating him?"

"I don't know, maybe. We haven't talked about it yet." This is not a conversation I expected to have with him. He's acting like he's jealous and I don't get it. Trying to understand Harry is work on its own.

If this is his way of showing me that he cares about me, then I guess it's a start, but it's still not enough for me. He can't say he wants to be friends and then flip the switch. It doesn't work that way.

"Do you want to?" he asks.

"I don't know, Harry." I'm exhausted, and I just want my bed right now. There's only so many times I can have this conversation with him.

"I'm sorry. It's none of my business what you do," he says.

"You don't have to apologize. I get it," and to diffuse the tension, I add, "Do you want to come back in?"

"I should probably go, I do have some work to catch up on from today. I'll see you at the gym, though?"

"Yes, you will. Good night" he pulls me into a hug, I just kissed Jake, but I want to be in his arms. I always feel at home in them.

"Night," he says as he lets me go. He waits for me to get into the flat before turning to leave.

Inside, the gang's all here, and I don't feel like talking about the date in front of Dean and Connor. I'll fill them in tomorrow. I say a quick hello and head to my room. When the door is finally closed, I collapse in bed. What a day! I had a lovely time with Jake, and I can see things moving further with him, but then there's Harry. Harry has got me so twisted in knots that I feel like I can't untangle myself.

Lately, every single thought of mine has been him. I feel weird if I don't talk to him or see him. Sleeping in the same bed as him this weekend made me realize how much I've fallen for him. I would have let it go further, and I wouldn't have had any regrets. The most sensible thing to do is to give Jake a chance. He's shown me that he's focused on me and me alone. My heart can't keep taking this back and forth. It's brutal.

I hear a knock on my door, "Come in," I say, and Iris pops her head in.

"You, okay?" she asks and sits on the bed.

"Yeah, I am. Why?"

She sighs before saying, "Look, babe, I've known you forever, and I know when something is bothering you. I know you're very guarded, and you keep everything close to the vest, but you don't have to be. That's what Niamh and I are here for. You don't have to hold it all in. Let it out."

She's right, I'm holding so much in right now, and I need to talk about it. I'm not ready to tell Niamh yet.

"You can't tell anyone, not even Niamh" she looks at me and nods, she realizes it's big if I don't want her to mention it to Niamh. "I'm falling in love with Harry," saying it out loud is a huge relief. I needed to say it because I know it was eating at me, she's silent, and she's watching me closely when she realizes I'm not joking, she says.