It's almost half a year since I've seen all of my friends. Almost half a year of just putting up with a lot of bullshit and realizations that I didn't think I'd have to encounter.
I miss when I would catch a glimpse of both of them in the halls or on my way to another class. How I could play on an instrument for an hour at least and just throw everything I felt into the actual instrument and not some drum pad or crappy bell kit I've had since middle school. I miss joking around with the percussion and being loud. I miss being able to let go for those few moments of the day before I had to come back home.
I had everything planned out. I was going to ace my classes, audition on Marimba and actually play it in person, advance on my art, have more time for other people, and treat myself to more rest and less stress because I had organized myself for once in years. Then this bullshit hit and picked apart what hope I had for myself.
I am getting tired. I'm getting close to giving up, but I can't let myself do that because I know I can come back to something if I just wait it out longer. It'd be my reward for making it this far.
If I can just make it back to Mario and Lily and the percussion... If I can just go back to being able to get away from my house and the manipulation, I'd be more than glad that I held out this long.
If I could just see my friends again.
If I could just hug both of them as tight as I wish I would've the last time if I knew what was going to happen, then I'll wait it out.
I miss them so much. All of them.
