Darkness

Chapter 14

*harry*
I shouldn't have lied.

I should have never ever ever told her that I had been with her all these years, the doctor said story's of memories will make her come back but, but she can't know.

As I lay here with her sleeping in my arms, innocent as she was when she was seven I cant take the feeling clawing at my chest that I lied to her and now she may never have her memories back. And if she does get them back she is going to be the same depressed, girl that I screwed up. she was beautiful and independent and strong and I broke it. that day I fell asleep with her after years, she was sad and sleepy and utterly beautiful. but broken. more so than my heart at this moment, watching her eyes move behind her lids I pray she wasn't seeing the memory of me leaving her that day. the memory of her crying because of me. or of her seeing me in the cafe, no doubt bringing her life to ruin.

I pray she won't remember.

So I can love her and she might love me.

*lilly*
I awoke in my bed, I was still in all the clothes from the hospital, even my jeans, I shed that layer before I got up to walk around my room. It had changed so much from when I was young, the walls had strings of small lights, pictures of people, I didn't know who they were, a book case in the corner had tons of books, at least one hundred, I looked at the spines reading Shakespeare, Edgar Allen poe, George R.R. Martin, Veronica Roth, John Green, so many names. I don't remember, I must have read all these books, maybe if I read them again memories will come back, so it began, I took the most interesting one down, John Green, An Abundance of Katherines. I read page by page hoping for some kind of magic that would return my mind, my memories, anything, page after page, nothing.

Hours passed, I had almost finished the book, it was a good book but I remembered nothing, no flashbacks, I set down the book, I stared at the cover hoping for a tingle, a flash, something, anything. nothing.

I sat with tears upon tears rolling down my cheeks, cascading down my neck and dribbling into my shirt. the salty drops could be tasted on my lips, I gasped and hiccuped as more and more realization hit me that I lost my life, it wasn't mine, it was a 17 year old girl named Lilly's, not mine. I curled onto my side clutching in my knees and hoping it was enough to block out the world, the sun started to rise, light filled my room and voices filled my house, stomping steps came up stairs, I rushed to the door to lock it just in time for a jiggle at my door nob on the other side to be heard.

"Wake up lilly!" Said a voice that I recalled as Louis' "we got a day of memories ahead of us" he said it cheerfully but I could help but choke on a cry and shake again, I leaned against the door and tried to strengthen my voice.

"I'll be out soon, I have to get ready" I yelled, sounding completely believable. I sighed and went to the bathroom, I looked pretty well rested, besides my reddened eyes and astray hair. i walked into the shower and sat in contemplation nearly the entire time, i had been able to numbly take a 20 minute shower and clean myself up.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a new white towel around my body and then another around my hair, I dried myself off before putting on clothing and finally running a brush through my hair.

I had a couple simple flashbacks of getting ready in times past that I couldn't remember but it was enough to make me teary eyed and nostalgic. I guess I just needed the book as a break through. I smiled as I opened the door and headed to the living room.

*harry*
I heard her door shut about 4o minutes after we sent Louis up to fetch her. I left her cold and alone last night. I couldn't handle being next to her and not being able to tell her I loved her, knowing I lied, and knowing I hurt her so much. i selfishly left her stranded, who knows how she woke up this morning? However I know Louis told me he heard her crying. I bolted up the steps as soon as I heard but was met with rushing water coming from her bathroom.

She sat with a smile on her face, so fake. she could cover the tears with a smile even with the mind of a seven year old she was going back to old habits and history was repeating its self.

How could I have done this to her?
----------------
AN

Sorry this chapter isn't my favorite and was really hard to write but no worries because next chapter will actually have something to it :)