Yesterday was the worst day yet. To start, I'm writing this in my very own hospital room in the psychiatric ward of the very hospital that Tess died in. Why? Well, you know about the meltdown that occurred during the last entry? Turns out, it was only a preview of what was to come.
It all started when I was about to leave work early because I was beyond exhausted, when Elizabeth Reynolds and her father, Albert Reynolds, walked in the door. Elizabeth has been my patient for 2 years now, since her mother died in a car crash. Her initial reaction to counseling was, well...
"So, Elizabeth, what brings you to my office today?" I asked the little girl that I had not known I would get very close to in a short period of time. She rolled her eyes.
"My father brought me here, he thinks a complete stranger can help me 'get through' this." Elizabeth replied in an exasperated tone, and I was instantly reminded of myself after my father's death. "You couldn't possibly understand what I'm going through." Elizabeth whispered, and I paused before speaking.
"I was about your age when my father was diagnosed with cancer." I said, and Elizabeth's eyes widened.
"What kind of cancer?" Elizabeth asked, clearly trying to sound uninterested, but not succeeding.
"Advanced CNS Lymphoma. That's where the-" I started, but Elizabeth interrupted me.
"I know what it is, my mum was- is, an oncologist." Elizabeth tried to hide her slip, but I caught it.
"You're a smart girl, Elizabeth." I said, getting the smallest of smiles from Elizabeth.
"Thank you. So, what happened to your dad?" Elizabeth asked, not even trying to hide her interest this time. I smiled sadly.
"He died about a year after that." I answered. Elizabeth frowned, and seemed to think about that for a minute.
"My mother died in a car wreck a few months ago." Elizabeth said, barely audible.
"I understand." I stated, slightly choked up. Suddenly, Elizabeth got up, came over and hugged me tightly, finally letting the tears in her eyes fall. the sobs tearing out of her throat. "You'll be alright."
"How do you know?" Elizabeth asked, choked up from crying.
"Because eventually, it gets easier. I know it hurts a lot right now, and you're probably angry at the entire world, I can tell you with complete confidence that, eventually, it will hurt less, and, eventually, you'll be able to remember your mum without crying. And I can say it with absolute confidence, because I've been there before." I told her softly, and she let go.
"Thank you." She said. "Oh, and you can call me Beth."
"It's nice to meet you, Beth." That was 2 years ago, and I've grown rather close to Beth, so I was quite concerned when they came to the practice without an appointment. "Beth? What's wrong?" I asked her. Her only response was to hug my leg tightly and cry. "Albert, what is it? What's wrong?"
"Make him take it back Danny, please make him take it back." Beth cried out to me. I looked up at Albert.
"Danny, may I speak to you in your office, alone?" Albert asked me, looking rather haggard.
"Of course." I said. In the meantime, Beth had let go of my leg, and I knelt down to her. "Beth, we need to speak alone right now. In the meantime, you can read one of my books out here, if you want."
"I'll just wait on the bench." Beth said quietly.
"Okay then, shall we?" I asked, and we sat down in my office. "If you don't mind my saying it, you look rather haggard this evening."
"You don't look so good yourself. If you don't mind my saying so." Albert smiled at me, but it didn't have its usual shine.
"I've had a rough week. So, what exactly is going on?" I asked.
"I have Leukemia, and it's terminal." Albert sighed.
"How long do you have?" I asked.
"4 months, at most. Daniel, I've been looking for someone to take care of Beth." Albert stated, sounding even more tired than I felt.
"Albert..." I trailed off, seeing where he was going.
"You were the first person who came to mind. Beth adores you, and you understand her better than anyone else besides me." Albert said, and I sighed.
"I doubt that they'll let me take care of her, but I'll keep my eye out for someone that will let me at least help out." I said.
"I appreciate it." Albert said. We exited the office, and Beth was sitting on the bench crying. I knelt down and hugged her.
"I'm so sorry." I told her, and she cried harder.
"It's just so unfair." Beth sobbed.
"I know." I said, and I let go.
"Well, we best be going." Albert said, sighing.
"It's good to see you both, I just wish it was under better circumstances." I said, feeling helpless.
"See you later." Albert said.
"See you later." I said, hugging Beth one last time.
"Goodbye, Danny." Beth whispered.
"I'll see you later Beth, I promise." I said, and she replied with a fraction of a smile. The 3 of us walked out to our cars, and drove to our homes. I walked up the pathway to my house, but stopped short of the door. Suddenly, I was overtaken with rage, and I punched a hole in the door. I didn't feel anything. I fell to the ground and, for some inexplicable reason, started laughing. The last thing I remember before blacking out, was Sam walking out the door. Then I woke up in a hospital room with a cast on my wrist. Sam left me my notebook. Oh look, it's almost time for the therapist to get here, better stop writing.
YOU ARE READING
The Five Stages of Grieving: A Journal by Daniel Jacob Feldman
General Fiction"I didn't sleep at all last night. Why? Today has been the worst day of my life. Today... My best friend, Tesla Jefferson Lewis... died." Join me on a journey into the mind of Daniel J. Feldman, a British grief counselor who has just lost his lifelo...
