My Soulmate

Part 3: I'm not okay!

Jimin's P.O.V - present time-
"What about Jungkook?" I ask looking at Namjoon.
"Namjoon? What's going on?" Yoongi asks almost shouting his reply at him.
"They've had to put him into an induced coma and it's not looking good" Namjoon tells us all.
We all breakdown into tears. Since Namjoon is standing up Tae has no one to comfort him and J-hope is on the other side of the sofa with me I tap Tae lightly on his thigh. He looks up and our eyes meet. I take J-hope's arms off of me and move beside Tae. J-hope gets up and walks over to Yoongi on the other sofa and hugs him as he is in tears. Once my arms have wrapped around him he wraps his around me and cries into me.
"Wait. Why did they have to put him into an induced coma?" J-hope says.
"He was unconscious all the way to the hospital and the paramedics and Jin couldn't get him to wake up. So the nurses thought that it would be in his best interests to help him." He replies back to us.
"What are they doing to help him? When can we go and see him?" Tae asks.
"So they are giving him a blood transplant and keeping an eye on him. Then Jin told me that his body is shutting down and not accepting the blood. I have no idea Tae. Jin didn't say. I'm sure we can go and see him now." Namjoon says back.
"His body is shutting down? Why?" I ask.
"I don't know Jimin. That's all I know. I'm sure the nurses and doctors will tell us more when we get there. I will have to warn you guys now that the sight you are going to see is not going to be nice" Namjoon says.
"Can we go and see him please?" Yoongi asks.
"Of course we can. Who wants to drive out of you three *referring to Hobi, Yoongi and Tae*?" Namjoon asks.
"I'll drive" Tae says.
"No. Let one of the others drive Tae. You're not in the right head space" I tell him and he nods.
"That's okay Tae. I'll drive. You stay with Jimin" J-hope says.
We all get up and head for the door. I make sure to take my phone with me. Tae grabs my hand again as we walk out the door.

Jungkook's P.O.V - this is the background to what happened in the last chapter-
I've been feeling really down lately and the boys are unsure of why. I haven't told anyone because I don't them to worry or be more stressed than they already are. They don't need my problems on top of theirs. I don't want to burden them. I need to release some of this pain somehow. Nothing too obvious to the boys. After I leave Tae's room I head to the bathroom without anyone seeing me which is good. I take the blade from my pocket and twirl it between my fingers while I decide what part of my body is getting the blade this time. I decide on my arms as it's been awhile since I've done that. The last time I did, I tried to take my own life. It's been hard with everything going on and with my mental health not being that great. The boys know about my mental health not being great but it's something they're willing to help me with. They can't though. They can't undo what's been done. They can't change the past. I'll never forgive myself for what happened and for how I reacted. What I did was unspeakable and disgusting. I hate myself for it. My life was never the same after that. I continue to drown in my own thoughts as I draw the blade across my slightly tanned flesh. The blood oozes out slowly and I begin to feel relief. Adrenaline pumping through my veins. The thrill feels good. I used to feel like this on stage but now I only feel it when I do this. I keep going on both arms until there's no space left and I feel numb. This is what I do to try and help myself. It helps for a little while but then that voice comes back. I lost my sister to leukaemia last year and ever since it's torn me apart. When I found out she was going to die I became reckless. My behaviour was atrocious. I was constantly in trouble. I shouted at my sister that it was her fault that I was failing with everything I did but it wasn't her. It was me. I was so hurt that I was going to lose my sister forever. I remember the day she died. I sat by her bedside and apologised to her. She hugged me and I sat with her in my arms as she passed away. My heart shattered that day. She was always so kind to me and I threw it back in her face. She didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve a sister like her. Today is the anniversary of her death. It's also her birthday. It makes it so much harder. I feel the tears falling and I take the blade and dig it into my left arm, drawing it down towards my wrist. Leaving in it's path a large cut that pours with blood. I do the same on the other side. I deserve this. My sister didn't deserve to die. She was nice to everyone. She always helped people no matter what. I just miss her so much. As the blood keeps pouring out of my wrists I can feel my life slipping away, drop by drop, I don't care. I'm not scared because I deserve it. No one deserves to have to deal with me, to live with a monster who hated his sister for being terminally ill. It wasn't her fault. I hear the boys shouting me but I'm too weak to move and I don't want them to find me while I'm still awake. I want to be with her again. I want to be with my sister again. I sit and cry as I feel the life drain out of me. Remember Jungkook. You deserve this! You did this! I begin to black out as I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Just as I close my eyes I see someone open the door shouting my name but I'm too weak to open my eyes and look at them. I think it's Yoongi. He sounds heartbroken. They don't deserve this. I'm causing more pain. I'm not getting rid of the pain I'm passing it to the boys. I deserve to lay here and bleed to death. I DID THIS!! I MADE MISTAKES AND I'M PAYING FOR THEM! She meant the world to me and I let her down. This is what I do. I let everyone down. First my sister, then my parents, now the boys and ARMY. That's the last time I let anyone else down. I hope they understand. I did prepare a note just in case this happened and it's sitting on my bedside table.
It reads:
I'm so sorry for all the hurt I've caused you guys. You don't need that. I've probably caused you more pain now but I wasn't happy. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm sorry that you don't understand why. I just couldn't tell you. It was too hard. It's my sisters birthday and the anniversary of her death. I was such a horrible person to her after she got sick. You probably noticed the change in my behaviour during that time. I'm also sorry for that. I hope you can forgive me someday for what I've done. For now though it's goodbye. Don't be too sad about this. I deserve this. You guys don't deserve to have to live with me. A self destructive guy who beats himself up about his sister for the way he treated her. I'm a monster who doesn't deserve you guys so this is why I've written this note and am now probably laying on the bathroom floor bleeding to death. I love you all. Thank you for being the best friends I could ever have. Thank you for being my family and for raising me. For helping me achieve my dreams. You guys deserve everything that you have and will achieve. I don't. I didn't deserve to be a member of BTS. Have a good life.