𝐸𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑅𝐸𝐴𝐿 // 𝐶𝐻𝐸𝑁𝑆𝑈𝑁𝐺 [✔️]

two

the car had been silent since they left the church. both boys had apparently been too wrapped up in their thoughts and the fact that this is actually happening to speak. at least two hours had passed since they left their hometown, and so far no one had called thus jisung can only assume no one's noticed chenle's absence.

he readjusts his position so that's he's leaned back comfortably with one hand resting on the steering wheel. he wants to move his other hand to reach out and snap chenle out of his thoughts—and perhaps discuss what's happening—but he can't muster the strength to, even though this situation is completely abnormal and should be talked about. driving in silence during a time like this can't possibly be good on anyone's mental health.

it's getting darker now. jisung hears chenle's stomach rumble and it isn't until then he notices that he's hungry as well, probably because it's been a hot minute since he's consumed a full meal. "we should stop," he says, snapping chenle out of his thoughts. "we're getting closer to downtown hongdae. we can grab something to eat and find a place to stay."

"what if someone recognizes me?" the elder ignores the food suggestion and instead starts to worry about the bigger picture: the fact that his face has been in every local newspaper for weeks. "if someone notices me, we're both dead."

luckily, jisung had been trying to figure this out since the moment they got in the car. his mind had a habit of wandering far from reality when in a quiet space—especially when driving. abnormal situations such as this one weirdly made him more calm and intuitive because god forbid something gets screwed up.

"i can order takeout, so that way you don't have to get out of the car. if it makes you feel any better, i doubt that anyone this far from town would notice. or care to notice."

even though chenle nods, something doesn't sit right with him. he looks down in his lap and folds his hands together. "i shouldn't have gotten you involved in this, jisung. i feel like we're making a mistake."

"we are making a mistake, chenle. we're breaking the law. but i told you, i'm okay with doing this. i'd do anything for you, you know that, right?"

he cannot believe he just said that out loud.

"you—you mean that, jisung?"

once the car approaches a stoplight, he looks over at the elder and manages a small smile. he takes his free hand to rest on chenle's leg reassuringly—tingling his fingers because of the touch but he ignores it. "of course i mean it."

he wanted to go on, to say that he'd be willing to go to the end of the universe and back for chenle, but he keeps his mouth shut. whatever chances he had of carrying on and starting a new life with him would diminish as quickly as it started. and jisung would be on his own.

so, he decides to change the subject as the car starts moving again. "what were you thinking for dinner? chicken? ramen?"

"i've been craving ramen for forever," chenle says. "there's a shop by my house that makes it the best. renjun used to take me there on fridays after school. god, i hate him, but that ramen was damn good."

jisung can't help but chuckle. he listens to the elder talk more about fond memories and the things he likes, and pulls into a parking lot to order some takeout over the phone. as chenle looks at a digital menu on jisung's phone, he drones on some more. "did renjun cry at the funeral?"

"he did." the younger confesses. he knows, however, that renjun would deny it. "and your mom did, too. they really miss you, you know. i had never seen someone as messed up as renjun."

and that's true. normally chenle and renjun didn't get along, something about parental favoritism. renjun tried his hardest to be a good elder brother for years—buying food, taking him to movies—but chenle, for some reason, felt so much resentment towards him. the story is quite messy, in jisung's opinion, so he never tried to fully understand it.

after jisung orders their meals over the phone, chenle continues with his rambling. "what do you mean 'messed up?'"

"well, he got sick. he was in the hospital for a week since he refused to eat and take care of himself. he lost a lot of weight. i can tell he's still struggling, too. he tells me that every little thing—the sunlight, the flowers, the wind—reminds him of you."

a small silence falls between the two. jisung thinks that he shouldn't have been that personal. he sees the regret and the guilt all over chenle's face. maybe then, he'll decide to go back and confess to what happened.

"what about you?" chenle asks suddenly.

"what about me?"

"how did you take it?"

jisung sits back for a moment and thinks. there's a few things he could say, but to be honest, he doesn't know how to feel. part of this experience doesn't feel entirely real, and maybe that's because he hasn't fully processed it. but another part of it is the fact that he's spent so long knowing that his best friend is dead and grieving.

"i was a mess, too. i don't think you realized how much you meant to us. we were...we were broken because of it."

"did you cry?"

"i cried every day."

"how do you feel now, then? knowing that i'm alive?"

jisung lets out a sigh. "truthfully, i don't know. i still haven't processed it. i'm happy i'm with you now. ecstatic, even. but i spent so long thinking you were dead—i'm still in shock."

chenle takes that as a cue to stop asking questions. or maybe he now has all the answers he needs. the silence befalls them once again and, this time, jisung doesn't hate it. his hand still rests on chenle's thigh and he has no desire to move it. time seems to freeze in this moment as he feels chenle's warmth beneath him, captivating him, wanting to feel more.

then he moves his hand.