𝐸𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑅𝐸𝐴𝐿 // 𝐶𝐻𝐸𝑁𝑆𝑈𝑁𝐺 [✔️]

fourteen

jisung had yet to get enough of chenle's kisses and the familiar taste of mint chapstick ghosting over his own lips, since that night. he could barely remember any of the exchanges before-hand—waking up every morning without remembering the day previous, sometimes forgetting his own name, seemed to be a regular occurrence. he doesn't recall texting this person named 'jaemin' regarding his school absences, even though his phone proves otherwise. he can only remember chenle.

he wakes with a start once again in the dead of night, without recollection of what's gotten him so jittery. again, the only image in his mind is the one of the other day, kissing chenle until their lips were swollen—and the way he looked so perfect as he breathlessly spoke the three words jisung had been waiting so long to hear.

chills overtake his body when he comes to his senses, and a headache pounds behind his eyes. he can barely see chenle's figure laying beside him, sound asleep as soft snores escape his swollen and darkened red mouth—a result of yet another lip-on-lip session that hadn't stopped until chenle insisted they go to sleep. he looks beautiful nonetheless, jisung thinks as he caresses the elder's cheek with his thumb.

chenle stirs, then his eyes flutter open. he sees jisung looking down at him and smiles, sitting up to join him and rest his head on his shoulder. "what's with waking me up so early every day?"

jisung ignores the question and instead proposes another idea. he presses a quick kiss on chenle's forehead, feeling barren of any feeling other than overwhelming love and complete exasperation for the boy next to him. there's no thoughts in his mind other than chenle. as far as jisung knew, the only person in the world right now is his best friend. no one else.

"let's go to the balcony." the younger suggests, as a breath of fresh air might kick him to his senses. the air, however, does nothing except weigh heavy on him. it's cold and uncomfortable. he twitches as he now feels sick the moment he steps outside, but as soon as chenle cuddles into him in a hug, he feels better.

the air pushes down on his body even more as he struggles to take a breath once chenle let go of him. his ears feel like they're filled with cotton, his lungs cracked and weak since the air is so suffocating to him. chenle asks if he's alright, though it sounds like it's coming from miles away.

"jisung, tell me what's wrong. you're scaring me."

he never meant to scare him. if anything, he's the one who's scared. why is he feeling this way, why are his inside churning like he's going to throw up, why is he desperate to just jump off this balcony and end the misery he's feeling in this moment? he wants to scream, to cry, to just breathe, though all of those things seem so impossible now.

he grips onto chenle's shoulder tightly and looks at him dearly when he starts to cry. "i—i love you, chenle...so much...i—i always...have."

"i love—" it's as if his live has become muted. jisung can see chenle's lips move to finish the sentence, and he can only assume the elder said 'i love you more than anything,' but he can never know for sure. he yells, hoping he can hear himself again, but it's to no avail.

he presses their lips together again in hopes that it would make him feel something, anything other than this torturous pain searing through his body. however, chenle remains stiff, frozen, like he's not even there anymore. something is happening, jisung can't pinpoint what, but everything feels like it's collapsing around him. like he's drifting away. he's reaching for something that he just can't grasp—no matter how close he holds chenle, he feels nothing.

"why are you drifting away from me?" he wails through his never-ending stream tears even though he can't even hear himself. the whole world around him remains still, and silent. "chenle, stay with me please."

a voice in the back of his mind says 'i'll always be here' and with that, he breaks down.

"i can't go through this again! don't leave me..."

and everything comes back to him.

he met chenle for the first time in sixth grade math class. they were assigned to sit next to each other—and chenle was especially nervous since just moved from china.

in seventh grade, they went to go watch beauty and the beast. they danced happily together and almost kissing for real if it hadn't been for na jaemin throwing popcorn at them. it didn't matter, though. jisung fell in love that day.

he asked chenle to go to a dance with him in eighth grade. when every breath you take came on the speakers, chenle insisted they slow dance together and at least pretend like they're in love, as if jisung's heart hadn't exploded from happiness that day.

chenle got into pranks and hijinks in ninth grade.

they both got detention together in tenth grade.

they held each other close in eleventh grade, almost kissing again when they danced to every breath you take in the privacy of chenle's home, mere weeks before that fire destroyed everything including what they had.

jisung lost his best friend in twelfth grade.

chenle is real, he keeps screaming in his head. chenle is alive. it's just a night terror.

wake up. wake up. wake up. wake up.

he's drifting further and further now, as he hears chenle's words of comfort in between his own screams of distress. it isn't until that moment when every breath you take amongst monotonous beeping echoes through his head when jisung finally closes his eyes and falls into his own abyss.