𝐸𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑅𝐸𝐴𝐿 // 𝐶𝐻𝐸𝑁𝑆𝑈𝑁𝐺 [✔️]

twelve

jisung feels like he's experiencing magic. it's like magic by how fast his mental state can change the single moment he steps off the airplane and chenle holds his hand. it's like magic when his dreams are all to recognizeable even if they're not from his memories. and it's like magic how he can forget those horrible dreams in just a snap.

the moment he steps off the plane, things change. things are happy—though jisung can't seem to shake the feeling of something else, like he's forgetting something. it's similar to the morning after a heavy storm that's been keeping him awake all night, knowing that he's going to have to pick up the pieces when he sees tree branches in his yard. metaphorically speaking, of course. somehow he can manage to forget the dreams he had literal seconds ago though he can't help but feel a dark and looming presence over him.

chenle takes notice of his state and offers to buy a cup of coffee. even though his 'bank account' was jisung's debit card, he swore that once he got a job he would be able to pay him back for the coffee in addition to everything else he's paid for. hopefully, that'll subside jisung's tension for a bit.

the elder's suspicions were correct, he feels better after drinking some coffee. he holds dearly onto chenle's hand as they walk through the busy streets of shanghai, feeling over the moon as this moment seems all to perfect for it to be real. it's just the two of them, no one else, nothing else to worry about, as they prepare for their new life together. plus, holding chenle's hand felt revolutionary.

"hey, jisung? is something wrong? i can't help but notice you've been quiet all day today. are you still mad at me from yesterday?"

he isn't exactly sure what chenle meant by 'yesterday,' since he can barely remember what he ate for breakfast mere hours ago, but he shakes his head. there's no way he could ever be angry at chenle.

"you can talk to me, you know."

and then he notices it. the sincerity. the worry in his voice. the extreme caution as the boy guides him to a nearby bench to sit, coffee in hand. chenle looks at jisung like a worried mother would look at her child, with intensive care as if his look would just push every single thought out of jisung's mouth.

i love you. i love you. i love you. i always have. even when you left me.

what does jisung have to lose? maybe he'd feel better if he was honest about everything.

why did you leave me for so long? i love you. i love you. i was a mess. i love you. i love you. i can't stop myself from loving you. you left me. i hate you. i love you.

"i—" he swallows. "i think i'm losing my mind."

chenle leans just a little bit closer. "really? what makes you say that?"

he takes a deep breath and continues on, lowering his voice so passer-by's wouldn't hear even if they can't understand his native tongue in the first place. "i've been having these weird dreams. but, it's weird, i can't remember what they're about. i just know they're scary. and they feel so...real. i can barely remember anything anymore, except finding you at the funeral—and even then, i can only remember little things. like, i remember how painful it was to live before i found you alive. but i can't remember anything else about the funeral. i just...i just remember you.

you left me. why didn't you find me? why did you have to leave me like that, for weeks? don't you have any idea how much pain i was in?" he knows people are staring, he's sure of it. he doesn't even try to stop the tears from falling any more as he's so frustrated and confused and dizzy that he can't properly function anymore.

"i'm here now, jisung. that's what matters. we're together now. there's nothing to worry about. i'm not leaving anymore." chenle rubs his back in a comforting manner. it's scary how fast this simple action calms him down.

"that's the thing," jisung continues. "i still feel like something's wrong. i don't know why the only thing i can think about is you. no matter how hard i try, i can't remember anything that you weren't involved in."

the elder removes his hand. jisung feels cold now from the lack of contact, though feels content again the moment that same hand goes to cup his face. a thumb strokes a tear off his cheek. he melts into the touch.

chenle manages a small smile up at him. "i think you're tired, jisung. i think you're shaken up from bad dreams, and that's why you feel this way. or maybe you're still processing everything that's happened over the past week. but i think you just need a good night's sleep. how about we rent a movie, go home, and set up a comforting environment for you, so you'll sleep better?"

he supposes that's a good idea. in fact, maybe chenle's right. maybe the whole reason he feels the way he does is because he's tired, or shaken up from whatever bad dreams he's having. he doesn't recall exactly what bad dreams they are, he just knows they're scary enough to keep him rattled throughout the day—nevertheless, he seldom goes against chenle's judgement. chenle's always right, after all.