I'm Fine

Part 1: Chapter 3

"This batch should be stronger. You gone test it to see if you like it or—"

"Yea, I'll do a line." Dashawn owns multiple strip clubs and some illegal shit on the side. I rarely come in here cuz it's not really my scene. But since he got some work at the club today, he drove us here to which we are currently in his office. He drew up a small line for me. I took a rolled up bill before closing one nostril and snorting all of it up. It definitely burned more than usual. It felt good. He watched me closely as I fell back on the couch and sighed out in relief.

"Is it too strong?" I shook my head no. It was perfect.

"Why you runnin out all of a sudden. Didn't you come see me just last month?"

"No reason, I plan on quitting soon."

"Hmm," he hummed as if he didn't believe me. I rolled my eyes and stretched my body on the couch. "If I see you again for the same shit, next time I'm charging yo ass, no mo free shit."

"Whatever," I mumbled. I actually do plan on quitting. I just can't get a release from anything else. Sex is fun but gets old real quick. I don't drink or smoke them cancer sticks, weed don't give off the same effect for me. Ether way, I'm screwed.

"Yo young ass ain't nothin' but trouble."

"I'll be 18 soon."

"And? What's that suppose to mean?" I shrugged my shoulders. I lazily got up from off the couch and went over to his desk. I straddled his lap and his hands immediately went to my ass. I smiled when he squeezed my butt. "If it was up to me, I'd already have you. Why I gotta wait anyway, it's not like you a virgin and shit." I pushed at his chest and he let me go.

I leaned back and rested my upper body on his desk. "I got work to do," he said caressing my thighs.

"Am I in your way?"

"Yea, you distracting as fuck." I chuckled and slid off of his desk and off his lap.

"Shouldn't you be gettin home anyway. Yo moms will go crazy and you know that." I pulled out my phone to check the time and it read 4:15. I got out of school at 3.

"Nope, my mom won't be home until late and Kennedy...I don't really care. I'm supposed to be at work anyway."

"Why you not?"

"I took off today, but imma take a nap here. Wake me up in an hour."

"Mmm, yeah okay," he said sarcastically. He better wake me up.

.....

I walked into the house and made my way up to my room. I was thankful that no one was home yet. I took a shower, washed my hair, and lotioned up my body. I went into the kitchen to look for something to at least snack on since I haven't eaten anything all day. My stomach felt like it was about to eat itself from the inside out.

I froze when I heard the front door open. Soon enough, my mother walked into the kitchen. I didn't feel like hearing her mouth so I stopped my search for food and went to leave the kitchen. She grabbed my arm before I could leave.

"What? Were you looking for food or something."

"No I was just-"

"I would hope not. You need to watch your weight. I'm only saying this because I love you, but you're getting fatter. You need to lay off the food so you can look more like your sister." I tried to snatch my arm from out of her grip when she dug her nails into my skin. I winced.

"Don't try and snatch away from me lil girl. You ain't grown. I try to tell you things to help your ungrateful ass. Maybe if you listen to me then one day you'll find a decent man. Of course, he would have to put up with more than just your weight," she chuckled.

"Instead of listening to me, you sneak around in my kitchen stealing food." She continued, grabbing my face so I could look at her. I tried not to let her words get to me. If I cried and showed her that her words actually hurt, it would fuel her ego even more.

"I don't want to see you in the kitchen again." As soon as her grip loosened I walked away from her. I passed Kennedy on my way up the stairs. I ignored the smug look on her face.

I got to my room and closed the door before sinking down to the floor. I mean, I know I ain't the prettiest or the thinnest, but she doesn't always have to make me feel like shit. I can look in the mirror for myself and pick myself a part. I definitely don't need her to do it for me. I went to go look at myself in the mirror. I stared at my big brown doe eyes, then at my small nose. My stomach was a little pudgy, my hips too wide, and my butt too big. On top of that, cellulite covered a good portion of my thighs, and I had quite a few stretch marks. I don't look too fat, but when I'm compared to my sister who weighs significantly less and was blessed to be able to eat anything and not gain weight, of course I was fat.

I grabbed my bag and rummaged through it until I found what I was looking for. I drew two lines on my nightstand and snorted both before hiding the rest in my stash. I walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. Feeling immensely better and numb at the same time, I laid in bed and fell asleep with a smile on my face. I can't get this feeling from anything else.

.......
I don't condone the use of drugs. This chapter was short, but this is where I wanted to stop.