I'm Fine

Part 3: Chapter 61

Five days later...

"So what is your plan?" Briana asked me.

"I need to reach out to my boss—vaguely tell him why I disappeared and beg to keep my job. I also need to find a new place to live because I don't really feel comfortable in my old one. Oh, and I need to get Imani back in school soon...maybe when she's ready. Also, I need—"

"You need to heal," Briana said to me.

"Sure, but I also need to get my life back in order."

"I think you should take some time off before you just jump back into your life."

"I can't afford to take anymore time off. Plus, I need my autonomy back," I said.

"But that doesn't guarantee that your life will go back to normal."

"I didn't say it would, but I desperately need some type of order right now, and I think I can achieve that by picking up where I left off."

"Do you not remember what happened just last week? Do you not remember how you damn near slit your own throat, or should I remind you? Only people who are mentally unstable would do such a thing," she said.

"I'm not mentally unstable," I mumbled.

"Then how is your wrist?" She asked, reaching over and lifting my hand up. Besides the fact that my hand was still wrapped, and often tender to the touch, it felt fine. My fingers haven't gone numb and the wound didn't get infected. I would say that's a win.

"Briana," I snatched my hand back.

"Ok friend. I guess I'll just be here when you decide to wake up."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned.

"As someone that had to witness you spiral out of control, I can assure you that you're far from stable. But I guess my opinion doesn't matter," she shrugged.

"Your opinion does matter to me, but I'm tired of letting my past experiences define who I am as a person. I just want to move on."

"But those experiences do define you. They have literally made you into the person you are today, and even though you've come so far since high school, you still haven't healed. And I think what happened with Imani only made things worse for you."

"You're wrong. None of that shit will ever define me," I argued.

"Ok, and you're delusional."

I smacked my teeth in annoyance. "Why are you insulting me?"

"Because, I haven't been through even a fraction of the shit you have and I'm not okay at all. Seeing my best friend try to kill herself seriously fucked me up."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," I was quick to correct her.

"Whatever Asha," she rolled her eyes.

"Why are you acting like this? I didn't agree to come out with you just so you could lecture me on how fucked up you think I am." Briana only looked at me and exhaled loudly.

"Look, I do hear what you're saying. And I will admit that maybe I should go back to therapy, but healing is not my first priority right now."

"See, and that's where we disagree. What's the worse that could happen if...let's say you took a year off from everything—both you and Imani? Maybe you would lose your job and Imani would fall behind in school. Yes, those aren't ideal circumstances, but you know you have a support system right? You are not alone. You have people that would literally kill for you. We can help you get another job, and we can also find Imani a tutor."