Flaw

Chapter 9: E

When your world crumbles around you, and you feel like the fire around you are going to burn you with it, how should you react? I stood there as I watched them take the doctor away on a stretcher. A white cloth was gently eased over her body, covering the sight of death from our youthful eyes. If only it was the first time that I've met death. If only I hadn't felt so conflicted in what I was feeling towards the man who murdered my brother in front of my eyes.

Did Raider do this? I knew he was capable of killing, but if this was him, why? Azaria came rushing to my side and she pulled me away. She broke my fixated eyes from the doctor, and I looked at her distraught face. Suddenly I felt like she was standing too close. Everyone was smothering me, and I couldn't breathe. She held onto my arm and I shrugged her off. She was so close that I could smell the strawberry scented shampoo that clung to her hair.

"Ensley, what's wrong?" she asked, and I was pulled between two worlds. One was wanting me to go and find Raider and confronting him, and another one was begging me to yell at Azaria for only being my friend when she thought she needed to be. I lifted my hands up to my head and I rubbed at the headache that was starting to form. My world was spinning out of control, and I didn't know what to do about it. I needed my brother. I needed Kyler.

Get it together, I reminded myself. I took a low deep breath and I lifted my head and looked her in the eyes. I shook my head and frowned. "Nothing. If you'll excuse me." I said and I brushed past her and she stopped me by grabbing me by the wrist. I turned around and looked into my confused best friends' face. I could feel my soul turning against her. I could feel how my mind was turning me against her – convincing me that she didn't care for me and that she was only pretending to worry because she wanted the attention of Dash and his family of pretentious friends.

How could you treat someone as if they mean the world to you one moment, and when someone better comes along, then you dispose of them like garbage or bad memories? I knew that the anger that I was feeling towards Azaria and her new posy wasn't worth it, but I couldn't kick that feeling that burned within.

"Ensley talk to me." Azaria said and before I could open my mouth Dash came up to Azaria's side. His arm slipped behind the back of her waist and he smiled at me. His surgical teeth reflected a cloud colored white, and his eyes sparked a sight of kindness. I snapped my wrist out of her arm, and I gave them both a thinly lined smile.

"Dash." I greeted with a sarcastic nod. I wondered if he could feel in the atmosphere how much I really disliked him.

"Hi Ensley, is everything alright?" Dash asked with his honey-toned voice. Everything about him made me want to punch a wall. His perfection disgusted me. Azaria was being blinded by it and she didn't even know it. Dash was ruining Azaria's chance to focus on being independent. I didn't want to get misunderstood, because I wanted my best friend to be happy, but I also wanted her to suffer so that she can grow into a stronger individual. I couldn't explain that to her without her thinking that I was cruel though.

"Why wouldn't it be? I didn't know the doctor, so I'm not affected by her death." I explained and Dash gave me an awkward look. I felt nervous, as if I was giving something away. Though, I didn't do anything wrong, Dash's presence made me feel like I did. Like I was guilty of something. Like I couldn't live up to his flawlessness. "I have to go study."

I turned around and started to walk away when Azaria ran up to me. For a second, I tried to believe that she was truly concerned about me, but then my mind switched sides again.

"Ensley wait. Why are you acting so weird?" she asked, and I kept it inside. I didn't want to open my mouth and make things worse between us. We've both been denying that this friendship has been sinking lately, yet neither one of us wanted to address the elephant in the room. I didn't want to upset her. I didn't want her to hate me, but at the same time I missed her, and I just wanted to explain to her the hurt; confusion and pain that I was feeling. I knew that wasn't an option though. "Is this because of this morning? Because if it is, I'm sorry for upsetting you."