Pride: an austen reimagined novel | 1

Chapter Thirty: Austin

I slouched over the keyboard, wondering what the hell I was going to say to her. I'd been too angry at the time to set her to rights about her accusations, and I had no hope of her ever falling for me. But, I still felt I needed to explain myself. I just didn't know how to go about it.

"Man, what's wrong?" Jax asked.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You just seem a little more broody than usual."

"I'm not a chicken, Jackson."

Jax chuckled. "I wasn't intending to call you one. Seriously, what's up?"

"I... I spoke to Lily yesterday."

"Ah..." He sat down next to me and I sighed. "It went that well, huh?"

"Even you knew I liked her?" I shook my head, wondering if I really had been so blind for so long.

"Yeah," he replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You want to talk about it?"

I chuckled dryly. "Talk about how I've spent my whole life protecting your heart and then go and lose mine?"

"I would have protected it, if you'd let me," Jax said softly.

I nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"I tried my best, Oz. You're just too stubborn and proud to ask for help."

For once, I didn't react defensively. Wearily, I nodded. "I know."

"You might not have got the girl, brother, but you've got me."

"Because that's the same," I barked a laugh. "At least we can get over them together."

Jax grinned. "Just like everything else in our lives, we do it together. You sure you're right? We could play a game?"

"I just... I really just need some time to myself, if you don't mind, mate?" I said, doodling on the paper in front of me. "We'll talk about it later, yeah?"

I felt Jax staring at me. "Are you planning a new tattoo?" he asked, and I knew he was trying to lighten my mood.

I gave him a smile. "Something like that, mate."

"Okay, well, I'm here. You let me know when you want me."

I nodded, mindlessly patting his knee. He got up and I heard our door close.

I sighed and looked at the screen with renewed vigour.

It's just like planning a new tattoo, be honest and it will come.

I knew, as any intelligent guy would, that Lily's accusations stemmed from misunderstanding, but damn if that still didn't make me feel like shit. But, all I could do was give her the truth and hope she might at least forgive, if not forget.

I looked down at the paper below me and saw what my pencil had done while my mind was busy.

Just be honest.

I smiled, flexed my fingers and started typing.

Dear Lily,

I'm not going to repeat anything I said yesterday, so please read this. I'm not about to cause you more pain or embarrass myself by going over what we'd both rather forget, but I needed you to know these things. I'm sorry for it, but I know you well enough that your curiosity will get the better of you.

Yesterday, you accused me of two offenses. First was that, despite mutual feelings, I ensured Jax and Anne's separation. And, second, that I was to blame for Liam Ander's misfortunes; that I gave no consequence to any previous friendship between us and wantonly disregarded my father's desires. This, I imagine, greatly overshadows my separating two people whose affections had only months of growth. I only hope that, after I have explained my actions and their motives, you blame me a little less. I am sorry if, in my relation of these, I manage to offend you more.