The Thing We Call First Love

Chapter 4 - The Harsh Reality

The 2 years went more peacefully than I thought, thanks to Pravesh and all my other friends. The final exams of 10th grade were fast approaching. The entire school management and my parents had huge hopes on me. I could start to feel the pressure. I was scared. Really scared that I got nightmares of letting down the people that relied on me. There is nothing more painful than disappointing the people who backed you. I could still remember that day. It was a Sunday morning. Dad went for his walk and Mom was in the kitchen working. I finally decided to talk to Mom about the tension in the air surrounding me. Without knowing how to tell her, I went straight to her and just without thinking I blurted ' DON'T HATE ME IF I DON'T GET THE EXPECTED MARKS, MOM.' Tears started rolling down my eyes as I said those words. Mom could sense that I was in a lot of pressure. I could see the concern in her face. She immediately replied ' I WON'T HATE YOU EVEN IF YOU FAIL. JUST GIVE IT YOUR BEST. YOU'VE ALREADY MADE US PROUD.' The conversation went on for about 10 minutes. But those mere 10 minutes of heart to heart talk with Mom gave me a new kind of confidence. I could say an improved Sanjay walked out of the kitchen that day but you would feel I'm over exaggerating. But, to be honest, the conversation was really magical. And so I decided to give my best without worrying about the results.

Days slowly yet swiftly went by till that day came. The day of the first exam. The day when the unexpected happened. The day which made me believe in miracles. The day my guardian angel spoke to me after 2 eternal years. The day when I thought everything changed again. But did it really?

Those three words spoken by Ramya was an amazingly powerful catalyst to the conversation with Mom. I could feel as though I was getting a power up just like superheros get just before facing the final enemy. It really gave me the hope. Even today I'm not sure whether those words were real or a mere illusion. I'm not sure whether it was really intended for me or it was just an accident. But her words of 'ALL THE BEST' was just so damn special. With that energy, I wrote my exams. With the false belief of everything was fine again, I completed my exams. 10th grade was finally over. I had written my exams to my content.

The afternoon after the final exam, I came to know the shocking truth. Reality is really harsh indeed. Right after getting home from school that day, I took my phone and texted her 'HI' only to get the same response of 'WHO IS IT?' I was shattered yet again. But I made up my mind this time. With an optimistic thinking that she might have changed her phone or lost all her contacts I texted her back 'THIS IS SANJAY' But no reply came. I waited for hours staring at my phone waiting for a reply doing nothing else that made my parents think that I wrote a terrible last exam. But they never asked me about it. Only on the day of the results, they told me this.

I waited 4 hours. But nothing came. I got furious. It was the first time that I had got angry for something that she did. The furious me texted 'WHY ARE YOU NOT RESPONDING? IF IT WAS LIKE THIS THEN WHY DID YOU WISH ME LUCK ON THE DAY OF THE FIRST EXAM?' I was out of my mind. I was going nuts. But shock struck me when I read the reply that followed. My second biggest regret was waiting for me in the reply. It made me realise that I had lived 2 years of lie.

The reply read 'SORRY WRONG NUMBER.' I was lost. I couldn't move. I started cursing myself. I didn't even realise that she changed her number. If I had replied to the text two years back, everything would have changed. My life would have changed. But it was not to be. After a day of battling the demons of my mind, I finally defeated them. Now, I had to make up for the lost 2 years. I decided to get her back into my life even if it costs me everything. It became my mission. I decided to start the mission by getting her number.

The next day morning, I was standing infront of Arjun's house. We hadn't talked much since the 8th grade incident. I didn't even know whether he was still in contact with her. Praying to God, I knocked the door. His mom opened the door. She already knew me. So without much delay, I was in Arjun's room. He was playing FIFA in his desktop. Seeing me, he was surprised. Immediately he paused the game and asked 'SANJAY! THIS IS A SURPRISE. ANY PROBLEM?' I just replied 'I FELT BORED AT HOME' though it was a lie. He stared at me for a moment. His look clearly suggested that he didn't believe me. But who cares? A lame lie is enough for him, I thought. I joined the FIFA game soon after. He won all the 3 matches that we played. Right after the third match, he went to the kitchen to get me some juice.

It was right then that I heard his phone beep. It was a message and the name read RAMYA. I was lost again. How could I take this? Should I be happy that he is in contact with her? Or furious that he is still in contact with her? I was in mixed emotions. I made up my mind not to think about it. All that I wanted was to get her number. Should I take the number from his phone without his knowledge or should I ask for it? What if I get caught while stealing the number? How would he react to it? All these thoughts suddenly filled my mind. Before I could make a decision he came back with two glasses of Lemon juice. What should I do? How could I make up for the lost 2 years? With no other choice, I decided to ask him for the number directly. Just when I managed to get the words to ask him, the unexpected happened.