The Thing We Call First Love

Chapter 13 - The Knockout

'IT'S REALLY OVER. PLEASE DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE' was the message I received.

I texted her back 'PLEASE RAMYA. JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE. I'LL COME TALK TO YOU IN THE MORNING BREAK. WE'LL SORT THINGS OUT.'

'IF YOU TRY TO TALK TO ME, YOUR NUMBER WILL GET BLOCKED' she replied in an instant. I understood that she was furious. So I decided to give her some time. I was praying to none other than Saraswathi that the problem should get resolved in a day or two. I really wanted to celebrate her birthday together.

I went to school that morning with bandages around my knee and elbow. Eventhough she told me to stay away, I wanted to see her. Not talk, I just wanted to see her face without her noticing me.

So in the morning break, I went past her class gazing through the window. I saw her. It was then that I decided that it was really over. In that instance, I became nuts. Why? Because Arjun, Swetha and Ramya were all laughing and playing. I could feel my blood boiling. I couldn't control my anger anymore.

How could she laugh in a situation like this? Did I mean nothing to her? Was it all a lie? I hated me for loving her so much. I hated me for not being able to hate her even now.

Without me realizing, I stopped moving and stood there seeing them. I didn't know for how long I was standing there. But I was there long enough for my blood pressure to go off the roof; long enough for them to notice me.

Why did this happen to me? Last night in the fight, out of all the inappropriate things I told her, one was 'GO AND BE HAPPY WITH ARJUN. YOU ONLY LIKE HIM AND NOT ME. ' Was she doing what I said? Was it an act of punishment or was it really true?

Of the three, Arjun saw me first. On seeing me, the smile on his face vanished and guilt seemed to take over. What? Did she tell him everything that happened the previous night? She had told him.

I really was true because Ramya never tells anything about Arjun to me. She didn't forget his birthday. For the first time in my life, I didn't want to be right?

The next thing I knew, I was in their classroom. I was walking straight towards them. Seeing me coming, Ramya fled the place. But that didn't stop me from marching forward.

The next moment I was in the Principal's room. What have I done? Why did I do it? What made me do it? I really ended it now. I just took a bucket of acid and poured it over myself.

While I was gathering up my thoughts, the principal came. She asked me the question 'WHY DID YOU PUNCH ARJUN?' I asked myself the same question. But I didn't know the answer. How could I say I didn't know to the Principal. That was like jumping straight into hell.

I decided to evade the question. All I said was 'SORRY. I WON'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN.' Since it was the first time and since I had an awesome academic performance streak, they let me go only with a warning and an apology letter.

And the real punishment which was an in person apology to Arjun. I had to do it in front of the principal. She made me repeat the apology a couple of times. I've ever since hated that principal.

After coming out from the office, I asked Arjun 'WHY DID YOU CHANGE YOUR FACE SEEING ME?' He asked me whether it was the reason I hit him. I didn't answer the question. He added 'YOU WERE STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CLASS WATCHING US WITH A FURIOUS FACE AND ALSO YOU WERE COVERED WITH BANDAGES. I WAS CONCERNED. SO MY FACE CHANGED AUTOMATICALLY'

What? Did she not tell him? Had I over reacted? The one thing I knew was that I screwed up real bad this time. I apologised to him and for real this time. I added that I would never do such a stupid thing again.

But I never gave him the reason why I hit him. He would have figured that out easily. I know he was dumb but he wasn't mighty dumb to not figure this trivial obvious thing.

After the incident, Arjun and me stopped speaking to each other. I wanted to ask him whether Ramya told him anything about me. But I didn't want to make anything worse. I didn't want me to be the reason that he found out. So I kept quiet.

As expected, I got blocked by her. I couldn't face her. I was a loser. So I decided to let her go. She didn't deserve a loser like me. I had put her in an awkward situation and I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

In the evening break, I wanted to see Rohan and tell him everything that happened. But he was absent that day too. It was strange for him to take leave unannounced. So, I asked his friends why he was on leave. But none of them knew.

I immediately went to the coin box phone and called him. He didn't pick up. I became concerned. In the evening, after school I went straight to his house. It was locked.

As I didn't know anyone near his house to ask about him, I returned home. I couldn't stop thinking of what might have happened to him. Only then, I realised that I had Rohan's mother's number. He had used his mother's phone to call me a couple of times. Fortunately I saved her number. So I called her immediately. Her mother picked up the phone.

'IS ROHAN THERE, AUNTY?' I asked.